lying to school

daska

Thanks all, my head was trying to tell me this but...

I guess to a certain extent it could be viewed as getting back at my ex but I'm used to him lying, I used to joke that I could always tell he was lying, it was if his mouth was open. I think I would have been OK if he'd gone through the proper channels, not least because it's going to set a precedent that will make it less easy for him to be unreasonable about my request. And I know I'm very lucky that DS1 and I are so close that his dad can't get away with a huge amount.

spadoosh

andy.m wrote: »

Aside from your emotional problems, which are understandable, you are in a bit of a dilema here.
a) grass and potentially deal with DS1 getting a proper cob on
b) keep schtumn and feel hard done by because you've always stuck to the rules and DS1 will know that telling lies is ok


Do not phone the school and lie, you would be guilty and compramising your own morals.
Tell Dad that there is an exam that week that is vital and cannot be missed under ANY circumstances, tell Dad that DS1 is in denial about it, maybe through stress and that you are worried that DS1 is thinking of skipping school that day and it would be very detrimental if he missed it.

Thus teaching DS1 its ok to lie. hmmmm....

Tell the dad hes a pr1ck, n needs to sort his shizz out and you are taking the kid out of school for an hour. Let them have the holiday DS1 would be pretty damn gutted if he didnt go. And tell your son in order for him to be able to have any time off school he has to prove that he can cope and will remain on top of school work.

Sorry for your loss, not fair on you to have to deal with these problems aswell. And good luck with SS

concerned43

daska wrote: »

Thanks all, my head was trying to tell me this but...

I guess to a certain extent it could be viewed as getting back at my ex but I'm used to him lying, I used to joke that I could always tell he was lying, it was if his mouth was open. I think I would have been OK if he'd gone through the proper channels, not least because it's going to set a precedent that will make it less easy for him to be unreasonable about my request. And I know I'm very lucky that DS1 and I are so close that his dad can't get away with a huge amount.

Don't let the fact that your ex is a lying B'tard get in the way of knowing what is right for your son. To keep that closeness with your son then there are times you will have to keep stum and this is one of those times. just tell him you hope he has a great time and to send you a postcard. Plus keep this one up your sleeve for the next time you need to get your son out of school and then you can throw it back at your ex!

Mrs_Arcanum

Cannot understand why your ex cannot ask for authorised absence from school for DS1. Seems very stupid given the dates the holiday is. As for him being awkward about the hour off school this is also pretty childish on his part.

Feel sorry for your DS1 being stuck in the middle.

andrealm

I wouldn't object to him being taken out for the last week of term, but I wouldn't be happy about lying to the school about it. I think they should be honest about it.

No idea if they'll fine him, it depends on the area, but I think if there is a fine they sometimes fine both parents, e.g £50 per parent so you might be expected to pay the fine as well, even though you don't want join to be taken out of school.

andrealm

Sorry to hear about your mum.

I think his dad is being very unreasonable about not letting him leave an hour early.

daska

peachyprice wrote: »

Serioulsy? Why is it not OK to lie to the school but OK to lie to the childs father?

The boy is 14, he KNOWS he doesn't have any exams, it's not difficult for the father to check either, the only thing this will achieve is OP making a fool of herself.

OP, I understand that you are upset, you've been the one to follow rules and set a good example, but your son lives with his dad now, it's his moral decision to make. Would you have let him interfere with plans you made?

The only person you will hurt by telling the school prior to the holiday is your son, he's the one who will get grief at school for it and no doubt his dad will take him anyway.

LOL, he did all the time! He'd turn up early or late or not at all. He'd contact the school and tell them all sorts of nonsense so that I'd have to spend time sorting it out. He still tries to tell DS1 any amount of lies, but, when it comes down to it, DS1 knows he'll get a straight answer from me if he asks. He also knows that I'll fight tooth and nail for him whatever the problem, even down to sorting out extra exam time he's entitled to (formally diagnosed dyspraxia and dyslexia) when his dad refused to because 'it would be encouraging him to fail'.

flimsier

daska wrote: »

I find myself in a bit of a quandary. DS1 (14) tells me his dad has booked a beach holiday and is planning to take him out of school for the last week of the summer termy. The plan is to ring the school and tell them DS1 is ill. DS1 is then starting at a different school in September.

I'm feeling monumentally p***** off because

a. I believe encouraging children to lie is wrong.

b. dad has refused permission for DS1 to leave one hour early one Friday later in the year in order to travel the length of the country to attend a huge historic event that our family is involved in.

c. dad has asserted several times that the only time of year his company will let him take holiday is the two weeks at the end of August. Including after the point when DS1 tells me they'd already suggested the option of taking the week off school. (and no, dad hasn't yet bothered to inform me that DS1 won't be visiting for the dates we've agreed because they'll be abroad so I'm really glad DS1 tells me pretty much everything)

(I have never taken DS1 out of school for a jolly, except in case of illness he missed one day of school in the 8 school age years he lived with me and that was because a return flight was cancelled and we were stuck for 48 hours.)

So, at the moment, I feel like contacting the school to tell them what's being planned. Am I being totally unreasonable? Are the school likely to impose a fine?


Edited to add that I'm all over the place at the moment as my mum passed away last week and my personal budget from SS is currently under review so just a tad emotional LOL.

Don't lie. Tell the school. They are very likely to authorise it, but if they don't, it's not personal. He should take them anyway.

flimsier

jcr16 wrote: »

The holiday is last week of term, so plenty of time to get a holiday form in and providing your son has had good attendance i can't see there being a problem with them agreeing to it. i think your allowed up to 10 days in term time off for holidays providing you have had good attendance. school policy should clear this up.

I personally wouldn't lie to the school as i wouldn't want my children to lie to their teachers so there is no way i would do it.

if your son is now living with this dad then it is up to him what he says tot the school , if he wants to lie then thats up to him, but i wouldn't want to be part of it. but i wouldn't phone up the school to say what is planned. between now and the holiday date is a long time, alot may change and you may interfere and make a huge situation out of what may not actually happen. The only person you would upset is your son.

But i can understand why your annoyed.

Agree 100%.

NAR

Daska tell your ex that it is his responsibility to seek permission from the school for the holiday and if you are contacted you will not lie about the holiday.
Tell your ex that as he has no problem over taking DS out of school for a week then you will be expecting him to change his mind over an hour one Friday later in the year.
If he is the sort of person that only responds to blackmail then threaten to tell school if he doesn't agree to the one hour early later in the year!