lying to school

daska

I find myself in a bit of a quandary. DS1 (14) tells me his dad has booked a beach holiday and is planning to take him out of school for the last week of the summer termy. The plan is to ring the school and tell them DS1 is ill. DS1 is then starting at a different school in September.

I'm feeling monumentally p***** off because

a. I believe encouraging children to lie is wrong.

b. dad has refused permission for DS1 to leave one hour early one Friday later in the year in order to travel the length of the country to attend a huge historic event that our family is involved in.

c. dad has asserted several times that the only time of year his company will let him take holiday is the two weeks at the end of August. Including after the point when DS1 tells me they'd already suggested the option of taking the week off school. (and no, dad hasn't yet bothered to inform me that DS1 won't be visiting for the dates we've agreed because they'll be abroad so I'm really glad DS1 tells me pretty much everything)

(I have never taken DS1 out of school for a jolly, except in case of illness he missed one day of school in the 8 school age years he lived with me and that was because a return flight was cancelled and we were stuck for 48 hours.)

So, at the moment, I feel like contacting the school to tell them what's being planned. Am I being totally unreasonable? Are the school likely to impose a fine?


Edited to add that I'm all over the place at the moment as my mum passed away last week and my personal budget from SS is currently under review so just a tad emotional LOL.

fuzzybear01

I would say that it sounds like you are being a bit spiteful, and if your Son finds out you've reported it then he is likely to be really annoyed with you. It's the last week of term for heaven's sake. Turn a blind eye to it

andy.m_2

Aside from your emotional problems, which are understandable, you are in a bit of a dilema here.
a) grass and potentially deal with DS1 getting a proper cob on
b) keep schtumn and feel hard done by because you've always stuck to the rules and DS1 will know that telling lies is ok


Do not phone the school and lie, you would be guilty and compramising your own morals.
Tell Dad that there is an exam that week that is vital and cannot be missed under ANY circumstances, tell Dad that DS1 is in denial about it, maybe through stress and that you are worried that DS1 is thinking of skipping school that day and it would be very detrimental if he missed it.

sashadesade

I can understand why you're annoyed, but by contacting the school you'll only be causing alot of strife and upsetting your son, who's probably looking forward to the holiday. I think you ought to just grit your teeth and let them go.

daska

andy.m wrote: »

Aside from your emotional problems, which are understandable, you are in a bit of a dilema here.
a) grass and potentially deal with DS1 getting a proper cob on
b) keep schtumn and feel hard done by because you've always stuck to the rules and DS1 will know that telling lies is ok


Do not phone the school and lie, you would be guilty and compramising your own morals.
Tell Dad that there is an exam that week that is vital and cannot be missed under ANY circumstances, tell Dad that DS1 is in denial about it, maybe through stress and that you are worried that DS1 is thinking of skipping school that day and it would be very detrimental if he missed it.

Just to clarify, DS1 moved to live with his dad 2 years ago

I've told DS1 what I think. Unfortunately his dad has done extremely well (financially) out of lying

peachyprice

andy.m wrote: »

Do not phone the school and lie, you would be guilty and compramising your own morals.
Tell Dad that there is an exam that week that is vital and cannot be missed under ANY circumstances, tell Dad that DS1 is in denial about it, maybe through stress and that you are worried that DS1 is thinking of skipping school that day and it would be very detrimental if he missed it.

Serioulsy? Why is it not OK to lie to the school but OK to lie to the childs father?

The boy is 14, he KNOWS he doesn't have any exams, it's not difficult for the father to check either, the only thing this will achieve is OP making a fool of herself.

OP, I understand that you are upset, you've been the one to follow rules and set a good example, but your son lives with his dad now, it's his moral decision to make. Would you have let him interfere with plans you made?

The only person you will hurt by telling the school prior to the holiday is your son, he's the one who will get grief at school for it and no doubt his dad will take him anyway.

miamoo

andy.m wrote: »

Aside from your emotional problems, which are understandable, you are in a bit of a dilema here.
a) grass and potentially deal with DS1 getting a proper cob on
b) keep schtumn and feel hard done by because you've always stuck to the rules and DS1 will know that telling lies is ok


Do not phone the school and lie, you would be guilty and compramising your own morals.
Tell Dad that there is an exam that week that is vital and cannot be missed under ANY circumstances, tell Dad that DS1 is in denial about it, maybe through stress and that you are worried that DS1 is thinking of skipping school that day and it would be very detrimental if he missed it.

You've just told her not to lie as it compromises her morals, and then told her to lie and say there is an important exam that week lol!
I would just let DS1 go, if you make a big fuss you might find DS1 isnt so keen to tell you things in future.

concerned43

First of all I would like to offer my sympathy for your loss and know it must be a very emotional time for you.... but I urge you to look at your real motives here. Is it not a case of getting back at your ex?
If it were me I would let my DS go - he won't be missing much but let his dad deal with the school and you stay out of it - it will only backfire on you if you get involved and lets be honest you have more important things to deal with right now.

jcr16

The holiday is last week of term, so plenty of time to get a holiday form in and providing your son has had good attendance i can't see there being a problem with them agreeing to it. i think your allowed up to 10 days in term time off for holidays providing you have had good attendance. school policy should clear this up.

I personally wouldn't lie to the school as i wouldn't want my children to lie to their teachers so there is no way i would do it.

if your son is now living with this dad then it is up to him what he says tot the school , if he wants to lie then thats up to him, but i wouldn't want to be part of it. but i wouldn't phone up the school to say what is planned. between now and the holiday date is a long time, alot may change and you may interfere and make a huge situation out of what may not actually happen. The only person you would upset is your son.

But i can understand why your annoyed.

andy.m_2

I can see the error of my ways and am standing in the naughty corner.

puddy

i like the exam idea but in reality it wouldnt work and gives mixed messages about manipulating things to get your own way (holiday lies)

so, tell your son that you consent to his having a holiday in term time but this must be agreed above board by the school as permission for a holiday and let dad sort out the holiday request form

if you are able to communicate to father, i would raise the issue of lying and this discrepancy about his only being able to take leave in august. father seems to have difficulty with sticking to the truth in various areas