Lodger didn't move in on date agreed - tricky Q - can anyone help?

bundly

ali-t wrote: »

Well OP, you have rapidly gone down in my estimations based on the above post. You are willing to make a point and take it all the way - because someone else will pay for it. that's right, you crack on and milk the system

1. The case isn't going to court.

2. How dare you! I am not "milking" any system. I am a single, independent woman who has never drawn a single benefit since I left school at 16 and began supporting myself, firstly by being continuously employed for 32 years and now by self employment, giving people a home and supporting myself 100%. As such, I bitterly resent your false accusation.

Any further comments from you, other than an apology, will be ignored.

I've read a lot of threads on here and similar boards, and have noticed a definite pattern of people turning against the OP and becoming really nasty. I don't know why it happens and I certainly didn't expect it to happen to me.

dibblersan

In conversations tone and expression give our words meaning, on a message board they cannot.

The poster has obviously read your statement as having a particular tone or attitude that they dislike. This doesn't mean that they dislike you.

For example, your reply just now to my first reading sounded petulant. Upon reading it again I feel you were offended by the comment. And this post could come across as condescending when I’m hoping to clarify my understanding of the dynamics of a forum like this.

As I cannot see you and cannot hear you, I cannot know which of the perceived attitudes is true, but either will unfortunately taint my reply and my willingness to try and offer you my help.

Most threads where it has turned sour, there has been a mildly unsuitable response to the op, followed by an excessive reaction which has cost the op sympathy and willingness to try to understand their view.

From a fundamental level, you want us to help you, we don't want anything from you, we don't have anything to lose by not being careful of our wording.

Now, back to your situation, I'd not touch woman 4 with a really big stick.

How do you know she won't just move in for a week so that L1 doesn't owe you any liability, then just vanish and leave the room empty again.

L3 sounds like the best bet I agree - I also don't see that any fault or criticism can be lain at you as long as you're honest with L2.

I wouldn’t however automatically say that older people are better housemates, yes they’re less likely to be ignorant of common house rules and needs (that’s pots don’t wash themselves) but in my experience, older people tend to be more set in their ways and have a more entitled attitude. Young people that have just moved out of a house share may have some rough edges and may need to learn boundaries, but by that simple fact they’re more likely to compromise their own boundaries to suit your needs.
And I’d feel more comfortable reminding a young 20 something that they needed to tidy and that I wasn’t their mother than I would a 50 something that still needed me to.

ali-t

bundly wrote: »

1. The case isn't going to court.

2. How dare you! I am not "milking" any system. I am a single, independent woman who has never drawn a single benefit since I left school at 16 and began supporting myself, firstly by being continuously employed for 32 years and now by self employment, giving people a home and supporting myself 100%. As such, I bitterly resent your false accusation.

Any further comments from you, other than an apology, will be ignored.

I've read a lot of threads on here and similar boards, and have noticed a definite pattern of people turning against the OP and becoming really nasty. I don't know why it happens and I certainly didn't expect it to happen to me.

Please feel free to ignore then as there is no apology coming. It took you over 40 minutes to generate part 2 of your rant - please get over yourself.

Your previous post I referred to you said that you would go to court if necessary as the costs weren't high and then finished it off by saying it was fine anyway as you are entitled to legal aid. There is no false allegation on my part, you made the statement about your plans and how you were going to do it. I am still struggling to spot the false allegation.....

bundly

Ali you are in no position to comment because your message shows that you have not read this thread properly! I have no intention of suing anyone. I have never said I would be suing anyone. So get your facts rught before commenting.

Seanymph

ali I suspect the OP was just making the point that it would not cost her money to defend what is 'right' in this situation. That she needn't roll over to threats from the lodger simply through fear of not being able to access the legal system.

That's how I read it anyway.

All too often in our society it doesn't matter who is 'right', because the person who isn't necessarily can threaten legal action and the person who by all accounts should be in the right cannot afford to defend themselves legally and so have to compromise or give in. The OP is merely stating that not only has she right on her side, she is in a situation which enables her to defend that right if necessary.

I know we all see things differently on forums, but for me that was never open to any other interpretation.

bundly

ali I suspect the OP was just making the point that it would not cost her money to defend what is 'right' in this situation. That she needn't roll over to threats from the lodger simply through fear of not being able to access the legal system.

Yes! Yes! Yes! That is exactly what I meant. I assumed that people on here would be on my side and might be concerned for me, that I might end up with legal fees IF the judge ruled in favour of the applicant. I was truly shocked to find this being misinterpeted as me being some kind of sponger on society!

Also, I would like to add that, as I have paid my taxes and insurance since I was 16 and never claimed ANYTHING, surely I should not feel bad about getting a teensy weensy bit of legal aid to cover, say, a £50 legal bill? Ali should save his venom for the hundreds of thousands of people in this country who have literally never contributed anything to the exchequer but are a constant drain on it!

All too often in our society it doesn't matter who is 'right', because the person who isn't necessarily can threaten legal action and the person who by all accounts should be in the right cannot afford to defend themselves legally and so have to compromise or give in.

You are so right!

Thank you so much for posting this message, you are kind.

bundly

dibblersan: "I'd not touch woman 4 with a really big stick."

Wow. I wonder what led you to that conclusion? She has shared two flats over five years with a (gay) man who was my lodger for two years before that. He has remained a friend and we've visited each other frequently over the past five years so I've met her a dozen times. He is moving to a different town, so she needs somewhere to live from next week. He has nothing but praise for her, says she is clean, tidy, reliable, mature, respectful, and has held the same job for seven years. Why would you not touch her with a stick?

"How do you know she won't just move in for a week"

How do I know L1, L2 or L3 won't move in for a week? I'd take a £300 deposit AND £300 for a month's rent in advance. And her track record is as a joint tenant with an AST for the past 5 years.

"L3 sounds like the best bet"

I agree, but he hasn't returned my emails of yesterday, can't even view the room till next Wednesday.

"I also don't see that any fault or criticism can be lain at you as long as you're honest with L2."

I haven't been 100% honest because I told him that L3 saw the room before him and I am giving L3 first refusal. The real reason I favour L3 is that he will pay me a full week's rent and only be here 2 nights or 3 at most. But the MAIN thing is, L2 knows that he is SECOND in line for the room and knows that he is perfectly free to take one of the many other rooms to let in my town.

"I wouldn’t however automatically say that older people are better housemates, yes they’re less likely to be ignorant of common house rules and needs (that’s pots don’t wash themselves) but in my experience, older people tend to be more set in their ways and have a more entitled attitude. Young people that have just moved out of a house share may have some rough edges and may need to learn boundaries, but by that simple fact they’re more likely to compromise their own boundaries to suit your needs. And I’d feel more comfortable reminding a young 20 something that they needed to tidy and that I wasn’t their mother than I would a 50 something that still needed me to."

You talk a LOT of sense here. I've had to nag my current two (males aged 28 and 29) a few times but my nagging seems to have worked: they have been well behaved for the past two weeks.

Older people being set in their ways is, of course, an argument against the woman, as she is about 50. (I am 53 in July.)

Having slept on it my preference is as follows:

1. L3 - the MD who will only be here 2-3 nights a week and out at work all day.

2. L4 - the woman.

3. L2 - the recent grad, aged 24.

4. L1 - the man who has broken our agreement to start paying rent on 1st May.

L4 is viewing at 7pm, so we'll have a chat and see if we can make a go of it (should L3 not want the room when he views on Wednesday). In the cause of honesty, I will tell her that she is second in line.

dibblersan

One thing I do like about these forums is that not everyone is on your side. We're happy to help if we can, but we aren't going to be unconditionally supportive and uncritical and just tell you what you want to hear. As far as I'm concerned, that's a good thing.

"Wow. I wonder what led you to that conclusion?"

The information you had provided prior to that point.

The reason I said what I said about L4 is because of how you presented her.

“an ex lodger just phoned this minute and asked if I have a room for his flatmate -- a woman. He will vouch for her, and she can move in next Saturday.”

Now – as per the joys of an internet forum, I was reading this late at night and posted without thorough analysis of the text = my students would be so pleased.

I read it that the ex-tenant that pulled out and messed you about L1 had called about someone to move in.

If I was presented with someone to take over a deal by the person that messed me about by not taking it I would be suspicious.

I thought you said t1 would vouch for her – and thought, of course he would, you have told him that he is liable for your costs until you filled the room!

Now back to reality. You already know her/of her history – I’d still ask if you could call her current or previous landlord for a tenancy reference.

If she's a good basic candidate then I still like her less (personally) than L2, but that could be because I've always dealt better with younger people than older people (oddly the other way round when I was younger) and with men over women.

Ultimately it's your choice – obviously, and I hope you’ll start a thread similar to the big badger house thread if it turns out to have not been the most suited tenant.

bundly

dibblersan

One thing I do like about these forums is that not everyone is on your side.

I don't mind people putting an alternative view, or even criticisng my actions, but I hate being misquoted or wrongly accused. Like lostinrates, above, giving me a dressing down for not letting my lodgers open their bedroom windows, when I have never and would never have such a rule! (ALL the bedrooms are on upper floors and the sashes all open freely. My own bedroom window is left open 24/7.)

If she's a good basic candidate then I still like her less (personally) than L2, but that could be because I've always dealt better with younger people than older people (oddly the other way round when I was younger) and with men over women.

I think you should offer L2 a room

the big badger house thread

The WHAT? I am intrigued!

L3 STILL hasn't replied to my emails send yesterday afternoon. What MD of a company doesn't check his emails for 24 hours? I'd expect a man with his kind of life (well off, in-demand consultant, always travelling) to have a Blackberry, at least!

So L4 - the woman - is the front runner. She is coming by at 7pm and I'll lay out my terms and see if she balks at them.

THANKS to everyone who made efforts on this thread to help me sort myself out! Cheers!

dibblersan

being misquoted - again it's the nature of the board - people give their opinion based and a casual glance, we don't cross reference with previous posts and we do get threads and posters mixed up. it happens.

correct us, don't shout at us.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/917993

Found it the other day and have been reading with amusement. hope you enjoy.

I would offer someone to live in my excess space, but I don't have any. I like my space so I rent somewhere just big enough for me, but that's because I understand I'm one of those aweful people that's set in my ways and don't like sharing. I have a cat and I love to welcome people round for tea or so on, but that's on my terms, I couldn't let someone have my home as there home.

Even my OH doesn't get to live with me.

I'm aweful I know. A therapist would have a field day.