Your garden, your rules or am i too polite?

balletshoes

Deleted_User wrote: »

PP it was really warm here this afternoon, we were on sun loungers on the patio watching the kids running around.

PAP - i'm usually flexible with meals and my two are good about this, but i was due out this evening and hubbie home shortly before me leaving, so clockwork was kind of an issue on this occassion.

Anyway i guess enough said, i'll put it behind me and next time stand up for myself more.

did you tell your friend you were on a schedule today? you see, you didn't tell us - and if you had to be done with tea and out the door at a certain time, it would be perfectly reasonable to have said to your friend, "I really have to get on with making the tea so I'm out on time this evening"

notechno

It's quite an aside to your actual 'issue' but I really don't like this whole idea of the kids being in bed for 6:30 or thereabouts......how the heck do you get them to sleep when it's so light, and what time do they wake up the next morning????!

I know you're still spending the same amount of time with them added together, but evenings tend to be the more relaxed and enjoyable part of the day I always thought

[Deleted User]

Yes i did, she knew, but i can tell this looks like i'm nit picking, maybe i am, maybe not. But if i had given all the facts right at the begining, that would have been an even bigger rant.

I'll leave it and next time be more assertive.

Thanks to all that have helped me realise that.

JodyBPM

Honestly, I wouldn't allow my children to do something that other children weren't allowed to do, and expect the guest child to just stand and watch. I also wouldn't feed my child their dinner whilst there was another child there, and not feed them too, I would consider both of those rude. I also wouldn't presume that other people would necessarily want their child to play in water, or with water pistols (which are toy guns after all!)

If I was expecting a friend round, I would have sorted out arrangements about dinner first, and I would certainly have put away water play stuff until I had discussed it with the other mum (again, preferably in advance, so that they could bring a swimming cossie, old clothes etc).

Is it really a big deal for a child to eat their dinner half an hour late, or to have to play with a different toy with their guest?

I was always taught the opposite to "my garden, my rules" - I was taught that it is guest's choice, guests first etc, putting their wishes above my own - is that not just basic manners?

[Deleted User]

Notcheno, my children are 3 and 4 and wake around 6.30 every morning regardless of what time they go to sleep at night. So with a full day at nursery and having had a busy weekend, they still need their 11-12hrs sleep. I just tuck them up, read a story, drawn curtains and they are gone quite quick so they must need it.

Having said that the weekend was quite social so times were later, again they are flexible and have a nap during the afternoon if we wish them to stay up.

My 4 yr old was still in bed at 7.15am today saying he didn't want to get up for nursery, so therefore an early night seemed in order.

Nicki

It isn't too polite to take into account your friend's desire not to have her child drenched in a water fight. I'd soon drop any friends who ignored me if I asked them not to let their children squirt my child if I didn't want him joining in for any reason (though to be honest I would usually let mine join in this kind of fun)

It was unspeakably rude of your friend to ask you to delay your children's tea, and I would have had no qualms at all about ignoring that and just getting on and preparing it. I wouldn't have even asked permission to be honest, I'd just have started if i'd already ascertained they didn't want to stay for tea.

anguk

You say you got back from nursery at 3.30pm and your friend came round shortly after. I have to ask why you arranged for your friend to come round if you had such a tight schedule and had planned to have the kids eating tea less than an hour later?

When my kids were little and had friends round if one wasn't allowed to do something they all did something else instead. If I was in your position I would have said to my kids that they couldn't play with the water because they would be having tea soon but they could play another time.

If time was tight because I had to go out later I wouldn't want the hassle of wet clothes and kids as well as making tea.

*max*

I think you're being quite uptight about it to be honest. I really don't see what was "unspeakably rude" (talk about over the top!) about your friend asking if you could feed your kids half an hour later than planned. If you wanted to, you could always say "No, they're hungry and I want them to be in bed by 6.30, so I'll feed them now. Shall I make something for yours too? Might as well! ".

As for the water guns, I think it would have been rude on YOUR part to go ahead and let them play with it when your friend didn't want hers to get wet. It's simple courtesy to make your guests feel comfortable, and accomodate them as far as possible, and that goes for kids too. It teaches children that they can't always do whatever they please when they have company. As it stands, I would guess your friend was able to sense your annoyance and must have felt pretty uncomfortable!

Anyway, as was said before, it really isn't a big deal.

poppyolivia

I would never let my kids play with something a guest has not allowed their child to do..Thats just rude in my opinion, also the tea thing, I think you are reading too much into it..sorry to be blunt but can't see why you think its a problem. I mean could you not have given the kids a piece of fruit until their tea was ready?
I agree with Max your guest probably felt uncomfortable.

Kimberley82

notechno wrote: »

It's quite an aside to your actual 'issue' but I really don't like this whole idea of the kids being in bed for 6:30 or thereabouts......how the heck do you get them to sleep when it's so light, and what time do they wake up the next morning????!

I know you're still spending the same amount of time with them added together, but evenings tend to be the more relaxed and enjoyable part of the day I always thought

My children are 7 and 8 and go to bed at 7 in the week. Children need sleep.