Your garden, your rules or am i too polite?

[Deleted User]

Today my two came home from nursery and into the garden around 3.30pm. A good friend of mine by arrangement came around shortly after with her daughter, same age as my two.

However after a while my children wanted to do water play, squirting, getting wet, chasing with water pistols, which is what we've been doing at the weekend. But my friend didn't want her daughter participating.

Normally i'd say to my children if one child isn't allowed to do something, then we wait until they've gone or not at all if out and about. But i thought actually its our garden, the stuff is there on the lawn from yesterday and i don't have a problem with my two playing with it. So therefore i spent most of my time in deliberation of letting my son play with his pistol and trying to be fair to the other child.

I was also planning on doing my kids tea for 4.30ish as i wanted them in bed by 6.30, they were tired from the weekend and nursery. However the time passed and by 4.45 i realised i hadn't got it started and my son was saying he was hungry. I made a noise about getting it ready and my friend commented that they were going at 5 so couldn't he wait another 15mins. I was caught off guard so agreed.

Now i'm left feeling like annoyed about both things and because its a good friend and we normally agree on everything child related i dont knwo what to do or say.

But i feel i should have stood up more for myself and children, but unsure of how to do it next time in a fair but polite way.

Pointers please............?

[Deleted User]

I'm actually wondering if her problem might be the water guns, as i always have spare costumes and clothes for kids to wear, so getting wet isn't usually an issue. I'll have to check that out with her, i just feel disgruntled that i let this situation go away from my control in an attempt to placate another parent, whilst in my home.

balletshoes

I would have given all the kids a snack while your friend was visiting if they were hungry, and delayed tea until they left (it was only half an hour). The water play I'm not sure what I'd do - if they were going off somewhere after visiting you that might have been the reason the little girl wasn't to get wet playing with squirters etc?

USM

I'm going to come right out and say it... it really doesn't matter.

Can you imagine encountering a problem of such tiny proportions in the real world before you had children and giving it even a second of thought, let alone paragraph upon paragraph of concerned ranting on a forum?

There are people out there homeless, dying in warzones, being abused - get a grip and put things in perspective.

jamsandwhich

I tend to open gob first and think later:D When she said they were going at five and couldn't he wait I would have said 'no - he is hungry and it's past his tea-time so I will get it ready now and we can carry on chatting in the kitchen while you make us a cuppa and then give me a hand'. Maybe she was angling after an invite?

Could have been many reasons for not wanting her wet so I wouldn't let that get to me but the thing about tea was a bit presumptious and rude.

meritaten

tbh - I wouldnt have wanted to take home a soaking wet child. Did your friend KNOW that dry clothing would be available for her child to borrow? - but wouldnt have been so rude about the childrens teatime if YOUR child said he was hungry, I would have left so that you could get their food.

peachyprice

I don't know exactly whereabouts you are, but despite being sunny here today the temperature here has really dropped, certainly not warm enough for littlies water play. Maybe that was your friends reason for not wanting her DD to participate?

Plans_all_plans

I can see why putting off tea is inconvenient, but like other posters say, it really doesn't matter. A snack would have sufficed. Now and again I've had friends 'overstay their welcome' and my husband has come home to no tea ready. I would rather that than be seen to throw a friend out! But in this case it sounds like it was a one-off and surely you can cope with that.

Also, placating another parent in your own home isn't the end of the world. If you're really bothered by it though, just let your own kids play with the water pistols and either your friend's kids will pester them to allow them to join in, or they'll leave.

[Deleted User]

USM, i'm going to ignore your comment as its not helpful to me and helping me to decide on what's equal and fair to all. I don't need to justify myself either. Why bother yourself to read and reply to such a post that is so insignificant?

To the others, yes my friend would be aware of clean clothes, they were only going straight home a few doors away and i had offered her child to stay for tea, but all were declined.

My hubbie has suggested another way of looking at it would be, if this was the case in another child's home, what would i do? My thoughts would be to either politely say that i would prefer my kids dont play with squirters and leave as i wouldn't want to impose my allowances on others, or go along with it but make it clear it doesn't happen at home.

I dont know, i'm tired now but i'm just fed up of being the nice guy to please other people.

[Deleted User]

PP it was really warm here this afternoon, we were on sun loungers on the patio watching the kids running around.

PAP - i'm usually flexible with meals and my two are good about this, but i was due out this evening and hubbie home shortly before me leaving, so clockwork was kind of an issue on this occassion.

Anyway i guess enough said, i'll put it behind me and next time stand up for myself more.

PolishBigSpender

It's only 15 minutes, is that really that long to wait?