oh packed his stuff and left tonight what do i do now?

chloo

hi anyone who could be reading this.

my oh (ex oh?) and i rent a flat together.

bit of background....

we have been together 18 months lived together 6 but always been very full on.
we dont really argue very much last week we had a row and i spent a night at my mums got back and played a bit hard to get towards him, he apoligised and said he wants to be together blah blah blah.
we had always planned to get engaged have kids get married. infact he said he wanted to get engaged this year and we spoke to his dad about a loan for our mortage. so pretty serious.

fast forward to tonight... he comes home from work saying he feels ill and is going to lay on the bed, about 5-10 mins later i go in with a paracetamol and anti sickness tablets offer it to him he says no, so i start to rub his back he says get of please so i do then i go to cuddle him and he blocks me i say you okay whats up? hes like nothing then tells me he doesnt love me and is going to his mums (after texting me today saying he does love me waking me up this morning and kissing me and saying i love you)

he starts to pack up his stuff and i say if you leave your not coming back. i want your flat keys and you need to have a plan in place where you put the money into the joint account for the rent and bills each month.

while hes packing im obviously crying and very upset. i didnt feel i could talk to him as hes very quiet and shy i asked him why and he says i dont want to hurt you im sorry. so while he packs and goes im in peices.

i did call him some horrid names and i feel a bit bad for that. i also called his dad and stepmum in floods they were really lovely and the stepmum made me call my mum and im now staying at my mums tonight. any way his dad was very shocked and he seemed quiet upset he left it by saying he would speak to my oh (ex oh?)

anyway right now i cant concintraite i have been sick (sorry tmi) and i cant breath very well basically im in bits. i have a massive peice of uni work due in tomorrow and i cant finish it as my head is such a mess.

i dont know what to do with many things:
what should i do about the flat? (i cant move back in with my mum and im a student so cant get benifits and all uni housing for next year is taken btw i go to uni in my home town)
how much should he pay towards rent and bills?
what should i do about us?
do you think i should go to my gp tomorrow and get some sleeping tablets?

im 99.999999999999999999999999999999% sure he hasnt cheated and that their is no-one else in fact i know their isnt but him just upping and leaving makes me parinoid.

i dont even know if anyone is reading this even if their not i feel okay writting it down im so worried and scared :

emsbet

Chloo ((big hugs))

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how horrible it is when someone you love just ups and leaves.

I know it's hard but I think you need to maybe give him a couple of days space and then hopefully he will get in touch with you to talk and explain to you what is going on.

You do need to think about your future living arrangements and finances but I would wait a while until you have more answers, know what is going on and have a clearer head.

Could you get an extension on your assignment if you explain the situation to you tutor?

Let yourself cry as much as you need and although it may seem impossible try to get some sleep.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help but I just wanted you to know that someone else has been through a similar situation and also that someone had read you post.

Take care

xx

pearl123

Big hug to you.

Is it possible that it could all blow over by tomorrow. Maybe, the ta-do last week has left him a bit raw and he now is playing a bit hard to get?

By morning, perhaps you'll know better where you stand so don't panic tonight. So many couples split up over night and by morning they are sorry and back in love.

Do try and concentrate on you Uni work, as it will help take you mind off it. All could be well by morning! Try not to make yourself ill tonight. Can you perhaps text him?

happierdaystocome

Big hugs to you

I think you need to give yourself and OH a couple of days to reflect on what has happened and then meet up to discuss things.

I would ask uni for an extension for your assigment due to unforseen circumstances.

I would take reading of the meters, so that if after your talk Oh says he isnt coming back you are able to inform gas, elec etc with and provide accurate readings.

Can you not afford to continue renting the flat on your own or if you have a spare room advertising for a flatmate in uni.

dmg24

I'm going to be blunt here - you sound suffocating. He came home feeling unwell, he wanted to be on his own. So you followed, he asked you to leave him alone, so you tried to hug him?! Then you tried to call his bluff by giving him an ultimatum about leaving and calling him names. What did you expect him to do?!

How long do you have left on your lease? Is there a reason why you can't move home once the lease is up? If not, people will drop out of student accom before September, you'll find something.

He should continue to pay his half of the rent until the lease is up. If you are a student you will not be liable for council tax so no problems there. The rest is up to you to pay, he is not using the utilities so he does not need to pay for them.

What should you do about 'us'? Take a step back and calm down. Read back your post and see how it looks from an outsiders point of view. Give him some space!

No, you should not be going to your GP for sleeping tablets. Go for a drink with a friend, get yourself a big bar of chocolate and relax, have a nice long bath.

cte1111

I think you've been a bit childish really. You went off in a huff after a row, then 'played hard to get'. As soon as he is having a bad day, you throw ultimatums at him, so he goes off in a huff. You now think it is the end of the world.

Am betting that in the morning you will have made it up. If you want to live with this kind of drama then carry on, but if not suggest you try behaving a bit more maturely.

pearl123

I don't think the girl needs to be critized. She's having a hard time tonight and has come on here for a bit of support.
She is upset.
Honestly, chloo it could all blow over by tomorrow.

Humphrey10

dmg24 wrote: »

I'm going to be blunt here - you sound suffocating. He came home feeling unwell, he wanted to be on his own. So you followed, he asked you to leave him alone, so you tried to hug him?!

I have to say, if I was feeling ill and wanted to be left alone, and my (hypothetical...) partner behaved like you did, I'd be out of there asap. I really would not be able to stand someone following me around and trying to hug me if I had told them I wanted some space!

Also, sleeping tablets are addictive, I really would steer clear of them.

dmg24

pearl123 wrote: »

I don't think the girl needs to be critized. She's having a hard time tonight and has come on here for a bit of support.
She is upset.
Honestly, chloo it could all blow over by tomorrow.

What good do **hugs** do? Tell her that what she did was the right thing? She handled the situation badly, now she needs to work out how to resolve it.

marvic31

I would not really say that you handled the situation badly. You were just concerned about someone who was not felling well.

I'm sure if you left him for two or three hours without checking on him then other posters would say you are a heartless c*w.

But something does not seem quite right here. Its all happened too quickly, how can he say he loves you in the morning and and during the day then !!!!!!s off in the evening?

Is there any other problems in this relationship?

mandi

dmg24 wrote: »

What good do **hugs** do? Tell her that what she did was the right thing? She handled the situation badly, now she needs to work out how to resolve it.

Not often I agree with you dmg but your bang on with your reply .