not knowing which way to turn

If_it_can_go_wrong

DebtHater wrote: »

I do however think that this isnt just the thugs, why havent you been more proactive in encouraging him to deal with these people? When I was brought up I was taught to defend myself, even if it meant getting arrested myself. My dad always told me I would never get punished if I got in trouble for genuinely defending myself. Why hasn't your lad stuck up for himself? Licking peoples shoes, putting urinal cakes in his mouth..... if he doesnt learn to stick up for himself now, his life is going to get a whole lot worse.

Yes, the police should deal with it but I feel that maybe if your lad was to give the ring leader a good kicking, there wouldnt be an issue.

It is nobody and absolutely NOBODY'S fault for this situation but the thugs that are committing these crimes. Let's not forget that.

You cannot blame a child or his parents for not being prepared for such an attack.

yvonne13_2

Julie03 I am glad your lad came to you and spoke about what happened, you also need to speak to someone so you can vent your anger. Remember this also effects you and your husband.

julie03

yvonne13 wrote: »

Julie03 I am glad your lad came to you and spoke about what happened, you also need to speak to someone so you can vent your anger. Remember this also effects you and your husband.

thats partly why i came on here, when i write things or type them out it kinda gets it out my system, plus when im angry i cry and i had a good cry yesterday, i am alot calmer now
but i will always be a little angry about doing nothing, its my sons decision at the end of the day as he is the one who has to deal with the fall out.
the policeman who came today knows the two boys well and he said that sooner or later the older of the two will end up in prison
thanks for the kind thoughts

skiddlydiddly

julie03 wrote: »

we have always told him never hit first but always defend yourself, i cant believe he did these things either, and we have told him today that he should never let himself be degraded in this way unless they have a knife or gun and he feels his life is in real danger.
the police came today and we have decided not to take it any further but apparently these kids are well known to them
he feels horrible about himself now and its easy to say defend yourself but he has never faced this kind of situation before, he has learnt a hard lesson.

They are total scum, your poor lad has been degraded and robbed and they get away with it.Would he consider some self defence lessons to help him get some self respect back and boost his confidence?Maybe you or your husband could go along with him if he doesn't want to go alone.

fadetogrey

I agree with other posters your lad needs some lessons to defend himself.the fact he allowed himself to be forced to submit himself to these things shows only his very low opinion of himself.many years ago when I attended high school on my first week I was picked on (it was the done thing by bullies)for wearing glasses.4 of them cornered me in the sports hall and one pulled my glasses off.Now I had been in a boxing club for a few years then,I would never be a champion (too slow on my feet)but I did learn when to be aggressive.I knew full well I was going to take a hammering anyway but my reaction was instinct I hit the guy straight on the nose.That did 2 things, one the amount of pain a hard punch to the nose causes and two the blood that will come from it stopped him in his tracks.that gave me time to run.(my glasses were broke anyway) I wasnt bothered by those people again,one of them was best man at my wedding!!The point im trying to make is whether he hits out at those thugs or stands and does nothing the result may be the same I.E. a kicking but by hitting first he may have caused them to think twice because these people can only pry on weakness.

julie03

fadetogrey wrote: »

I agree with other posters your lad needs some lessons to defend himself.the fact he allowed himself to be forced to submit himself to these things shows only his very low opinion of himself.

i agree with this, he has always had a very low opinion of himself even though he is very bright, is an amazing writer, very creative and is very good looking. and he has always been told this.
despite this he still thinks he is ugly and is very self critical and sensitive and has self harmed in the past.
one of his friends does some sort of thai kick boxing and he said he wants to do something like that as he never wants to go through that again, so hopefully something positive will come out of this and he will gain some confidence

paulmx3

this is a horrible situation to be in and i really do sympathise,but,this sould be one of those life changing moments that can have impact on the rest of his and your lives.

you could do nothing and the thought will always be on yours and more importantly his mind and this will have impact on his self esteem.

he could name them,probably have to put up with a some abuse,but deep down know its the right thing to have done,its also amazing how many people will have a poor opinion of them but be afraid to do anything,perhaps their "friends" will be shown in their true light when their back are against the wall.he will also always remember that he stood up to someone,did the right thing and will never forget it,giving himself a better opinion of himself.

the last resort would be him learning to physically defend himself.in my opinion this is the worst thing that could be done,all very well in the olden days of fighting over honour then shaking hands afterwards,but those days are long gone and it would only escalate things.

these are just my views,its him that has to make the decision and all options should be thought through,as long as he has good parents such as yourselves behind him he already has the most imprtant thing.

BlueC

julie03 wrote: »

one of his friends does some sort of thai kick boxing and he said he wants to do something like that as he never wants to go through that again, so hopefully something positive will come out of this and he will gain some confidence

Muay thai boxing would be excellent for him - not only will it improve his fitness, stamina and build but it will teach him amazing discipline, respect for others and self respect. So much so that his new confidence would probably put off the bullies - they're like dogs and can smell fear. But should anyone try to humiliate him again then a swift elbow to the face or well judged kick or throw will soon make them think twice.

It is a devastating art and provided it is taught in a safe disciplined environment he will really enjoy it and benefit hugely from it.

mrcow

Julie, it may seem a little thing - but get your son a personal attack alarm and get him to carry it around with him in his pocket. They cost about £3 and are small enough to conceal easily (or the police/neighbourhood watch will usually send you one for free if you call them) and are useful if you ever find yourself alone in a situation where simply running may not get you where you need to be in time.

Please just get one and hope that he never again feels in a situation where he needs to use it.

tagz

Oh That is a truly horrible situation to be in. I know what it feels like as my eldest son was beaten black and blue by a bunch of hoodies, for no reason, a few years back and whilst we reported it to the police we didn't go along things as he was worried. However I wish we had as the scumbags shouldn't get away with it.

My other two sons were bullied at school and on the high street by a gangs of blighters and we did report them to the school and police, and after a while they realised that if they picked on them it wasn't worth the aggro I would send to their doors. However I know that schoolkids aren't the same as 16 year olds.

Your son is probably feeling terrible, especially as he is having a hard time anyway with other stuff. Is their someone he can talk to who isn't 'connected' with anything. It may help him if he can have a rant and say how he really feels without the worry of upsetting either his family or friends. Apart from them stealing his/your stuff the other things they made him do sound terrible. Could you speak to a community support officer and ask them for some advice? They really helped us. Because of the other stuff they made him do I think the police need to be informed, they are sadistic and I doubt that your son is the first to be 'attacked' by them but maybe he could help the police make him be the last.