Rights as a dad

Lozzy88

As for your sons rights if he is named on the birth certificate as the father he will automatically have parents responsibility which if the relationship did ever not workout is a really handy thing to have as far as access goes, but i dont know a massive amount about this.

DUTR

Alison_B wrote: »

My son will be 17 in a couple of months time and he has been with his girlfriend for 18 months. We were told 2 weeks ago that they are expecting a baby - she will be 18 a couple of weeks after baby is born. Very much a shock to us but we said we would support them whatever happened as did her dad (the mum died 9 months ago),

When we were told about the pregnancy, the girlfriend said that her dad suggested we all meet up to discuss what is going to happen. We have been waiting for them to tell us when, so mentioned to my son this morning that we should do it soon and where did they want to meet up, our house, her house or somewhere neutral. He said that the dad was only prepared to meet up at his house. Seemed a little strange that he wasn't prepared to decide somewhere convenient but fair enough.

Was chatting with my son about what they were going to do when the baby comes as our house isn't big enough to have them live here and her house was the same as we both have other children living at home. It was mentioned when we found out that she would live at home and he at ours and he would have the baby at the weekends but now it seems that he will only be allowed to go and visit when they say as the baby needs a routine. I asked about the surname of the baby and my son said that they had both decided that it would have my son's surname but since the girlfriend has been talking to her dad, they have now decided that the baby will keep her name in case things don't work out with my son as it will be easier in the long run.

She has said that if they manage to get somewhere to live then she won't move far away from where she is now and will spend all day at her present home anyway.

It really seems as though my son is getting frozen out of decisions and that the girlfriend is being influenced. My son wants to make a go of this and to bring the baby up together but it seems as though her dad has other ideas.

What rights does he have as a dad?

He will have parental rights , however the practical reality is pay up and shut up (15% net pay)
Why are they talking about if things don't work out?
It probably won't in the long run and sadly for the PWC party the descisions so far may not be the best for the child in the long run

Mojisola

lozzy88 wrote: »

As for your sons rights if he is named on the birth certificate as the father he will automatically have parents responsibility which if the relationship did ever not workout is a really handy hting to have as far as access goes etc i think someone else might know more tho

Your son will have to go with the mother to register the birth if his name is to be put on the certificate - https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

Zoetoes

make_me_wise wrote: »

This must be a very difficult and worrying situation for you. If decisions your son and his girlfriend are coming to, are then changed when she is around her dad, then I can see why you feel your son is being frozen out.

The only way to get to the bottom of this is to meet up and discuss it. What kind of relationship does your son have with the girlfriends father? Maybe it isn't very well established and there could be a great deal of mistrust currently on both sides.

By getting together, putting your feelings across and taking on board theirs you may find you can reach a happy medium. I do hope so as this would be the best outcome before the baby arrives.

I agree, maybe when you all get together it might put you at ease? It might also put the girl's dad at ease seeing how supportive and loving you are as parents and grandparents and he might leave your son and his daughter to make decisions without too much to say.

Alison_B

He got on fantastically well with her family. She is 12 weeks pregnant but the past 8 weeks or so, their relationship seems to have cooled somewhat. This weekend, instead of seeing each other, her dad has organised things for him and her to do and left my son out of it. Our feelings are that this relationship should be bonded together more for the sake of the baby rather than putting more strain on them to be apart.

Lozzy88

Alison i agree totally this is what i am meaning about her father setting them up to fail. OR it could be the dad trying to fill the "mothers" role too but getting it a little wrong

There doesnt seem a massive amount that you can do just make sure the girlfriend knows she is welcome to come to your home and maybe stay over? and also you are avaliable to talk when ever they need you

happy35

i agree that they should be trying to make a strong relationship, her dad may be organising things for them to do together to show that he does support her and love her by making time to spend time with her.

every parent wants what they think is best for their child, does her dad know that your son is going to do his best to look after and provide for the baby?

pigpen

Sounds like they both need to grow up a lot.. the dad and the gf..

At the moment your son has no rights at all.

He can apply to the court for parental rights if gf refuses to have him go register the baby with her.

I would however encourage them to find a home together away from anyone elses influence.. probably subtley so they thought it was their idea.

She is probably exhausted and confused and being pulled every which way.. her dad needs to leave her alone and butt out but may only be trying to prove he is supportive and trying not to lose his daughter and grieving too.. he must be very mixed up. It must also be extremely had for the gf having lost her mum so recently etc.. could she not be invited to stay at yours for a weekend so the 2 of them can have time and space to talk things through? Or invite her for dinner or even offer to pay for the 2 to go out for dinner just for a bit of space?

DS and GF need to spend some time discussing the future for the 2 of them and for the baby and decide where they want to take their relationship. I do think it is quite normal for relationships to have a period of upheaval at the beginning of a pregnancy.. it is a fairly influential thing!

I hope they can sort out their relationship

Googlewhacker

Zoetoes wrote: »

As a mother (I'm imagining myself in her shoes now), I wouldn't want my newborn baby away from me for weekends, even if it was with the baby's dad.

Now the other side of it, if it was my son of course I would want him to be involved as much as possible but I think, realistically I'd know that the mum wouldn't be likely to be comfortable about the baby being away for weekends.
QUOTE]

But its ok for the baby to be away from the father for 5 days in the week?

lookingforsun

Googlewhacker wrote: »

Zoetoes wrote: »

As a mother (I'm imagining myself in her shoes now), I wouldn't want my newborn baby away from me for weekends, even if it was with the baby's dad.

Now the other side of it, if it was my son of course I would want him to be involved as much as possible but I think, realistically I'd know that the mum wouldn't be likely to be comfortable about the baby being away for weekends.
QUOTE]

But its ok for the baby to be away from the father for 5 days in the week?

If the boy wants to see his child then he should be able to, when he wants, and if possible should spend as much time with his girlfriend, and their baby as possible - for the sake of their relationship & their little family, as much as anything.

I don't think the baby should spend ANY nights away from it's mother - and I can't think of a judge who would order it. The child needs it's mother (I'm sorry but YES more than the father) to start with. If she is breastfeeding then to suggest even a few hours in the day away from her would be stupidity beyond belief.

Once the child is older, then of course the father should have some time alone with the baby, but not while it is tiny!

The best outcome would be for the young lad to get himself together (he is ONLY 16 right now), and get some sort of education/training behind him, whilst spending his free time with his new family, at her house (which is best for her as she will feel happier there, and a happy mother makes for a happy baby), then when he's more settled the three of them should get a place of their own, where no one would have to 'share' the baby.

I still can't quite understand why the father can't stay with the mum, even if the house is small, after all he would share her bed?