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Rights as a dad
Alison_B
Posts: 2,124 Forumite
My son will be 17 in a couple of months time and he has been with his girlfriend for 18 months. We were told 2 weeks ago that they are expecting a baby - she will be 18 a couple of weeks after baby is born. Very much a shock to us but we said we would support them whatever happened as did her dad (the mum died 9 months ago),
When we were told about the pregnancy, the girlfriend said that her dad suggested we all meet up to discuss what is going to happen. We have been waiting for them to tell us when, so mentioned to my son this morning that we should do it soon and where did they want to meet up, our house, her house or somewhere neutral. He said that the dad was only prepared to meet up at his house. Seemed a little strange that he wasn't prepared to decide somewhere convenient but fair enough.
Was chatting with my son about what they were going to do when the baby comes as our house isn't big enough to have them live here and her house was the same as we both have other children living at home. It was mentioned when we found out that she would live at home and he at ours and he would have the baby at the weekends but now it seems that he will only be allowed to go and visit when they say as the baby needs a routine. I asked about the surname of the baby and my son said that they had both decided that it would have my son's surname but since the girlfriend has been talking to her dad, they have now decided that the baby will keep her name in case things don't work out with my son as it will be easier in the long run.
She has said that if they manage to get somewhere to live then she won't move far away from where she is now and will spend all day at her present home anyway.
It really seems as though my son is getting frozen out of decisions and that the girlfriend is being influenced. My son wants to make a go of this and to bring the baby up together but it seems as though her dad has other ideas.
What rights does he have as a dad?
When we were told about the pregnancy, the girlfriend said that her dad suggested we all meet up to discuss what is going to happen. We have been waiting for them to tell us when, so mentioned to my son this morning that we should do it soon and where did they want to meet up, our house, her house or somewhere neutral. He said that the dad was only prepared to meet up at his house. Seemed a little strange that he wasn't prepared to decide somewhere convenient but fair enough.
Was chatting with my son about what they were going to do when the baby comes as our house isn't big enough to have them live here and her house was the same as we both have other children living at home. It was mentioned when we found out that she would live at home and he at ours and he would have the baby at the weekends but now it seems that he will only be allowed to go and visit when they say as the baby needs a routine. I asked about the surname of the baby and my son said that they had both decided that it would have my son's surname but since the girlfriend has been talking to her dad, they have now decided that the baby will keep her name in case things don't work out with my son as it will be easier in the long run.
She has said that if they manage to get somewhere to live then she won't move far away from where she is now and will spend all day at her present home anyway.
It really seems as though my son is getting frozen out of decisions and that the girlfriend is being influenced. My son wants to make a go of this and to bring the baby up together but it seems as though her dad has other ideas.
What rights does he have as a dad?
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Comments
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My son will be 17 in a couple of months time and he has been with his girlfriend for 18 months. We were told 2 weeks ago that they are expecting a baby - she will be 18 a couple of weeks after baby is born. Very much a shock to us but we said we would support them whatever happened as did her dad (the mum died 9 months ago),
When we were told about the pregnancy, the girlfriend said that her dad suggested we all meet up to discuss what is going to happen. We have been waiting for them to tell us when, so mentioned to my son this morning that we should do it soon and where did they want to meet up, our house, her house or somewhere neutral. He said that the dad was only prepared to meet up at his house. Seemed a little strange that he wasn't prepared to decide somewhere convenient but fair enough.
Was chatting with my son about what they were going to do when the baby comes as our house isn't big enough to have them live here and her house was the same as we both have other children living at home. It was mentioned when we found out that she would live at home and he at ours and he would have the baby at the weekends but now it seems that he will only be allowed to go and visit when they say as the baby needs a routine. I asked about the surname of the baby and my son said that they had both decided that it would have my son's surname but since the girlfriend has been talking to her dad, they have now decided that the baby will keep her name in case things don't work out with my son as it will be easier in the long run.
She has said that if they manage to get somewhere to live then she won't move far away from where she is now and will spend all day at her present home anyway.
It really seems as though my son is getting frozen out of decisions and that the girlfriend is being influenced. My son wants to make a go of this and to bring the baby up together but it seems as though her dad has other ideas.
What rights does he have as a dad?
It's hard for everyone this sort of thing.
I can see it from both sides. I had my son at 17, he is now 17.
I put both him and my younger son in my name, I wasn't married and I think that was the right thing to do in my situation.
As a mother (I'm imagining myself in her shoes now), I wouldn't want my newborn baby away from me for weekends, even if it was with the baby's dad.
Now the other side of it, if it was my son of course I would want him to be involved as much as possible but I think, realistically I'd know that the mum wouldn't be likely to be comfortable about the baby being away for weekends.
Would it be possible for mum and baby to stay? I think that would be good for everyone?If you're going to stalk me, while you're at it can you cut the grass, feed the dog & make sure I've got bread & milk in
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The surname of the baby is neither here nor there. If they are not married, then he can hardly expect the baby to take on his name.
Do either of them have jobs, or any means to support their child? They need to start saving and looking to the future.If she's looking for a place, can he not look with her? Her Dad may well just be trying to be supportive as opposed to blocking your son out. You all need to talk."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
I totally understand that the mother would not want the child to be away from her but my son needs to be involved also. What I was trying to get across by mentioning the surname for instance is that my son and his girlfriend are making decisions, then her dad is influencing her differently, so she goes against what my son and her have already decided.0
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I totally understand that the mother would not want the child to be away from her but my son needs to be involved also. What I was trying to get across by mentioning the surname for instance is that my son and his girlfriend are making decisions, then her dad is influencing her differently, so she goes against what my son and her have already decided.
I know where you are coming from, I really do, but if it was my daughter I'd be doing the same.If you're going to stalk me, while you're at it can you cut the grass, feed the dog & make sure I've got bread & milk in0 -
In my opinion if the father is on the birth certificate then child should have their fathers surname i have mine even tho my parents are divorced and they are both remarried, my daughter has her fathers surname our relationship hasnt worked out but he is still her father.
It sounds to me like this girls father is setting them up to fail0 -
My kid's dad is on the birth certificate but they have my surname, I did say at the time if we get married then we will all change.
He never did ask me...:oIf you're going to stalk me, while you're at it can you cut the grass, feed the dog & make sure I've got bread & milk in0 -
In my opinion if the father is on the birth certificate then child should have their fathers surname i have mine even tho my parents are divorced and they are both remarried, my daughter has her fathers surname our relationship hasnt worked out but he is still her father.
It sounds to me like this girls father is setting them up to fail
I think he's probably just giving his daughter advice, after all she is only young and there might be things she hasn't thought about.If you're going to stalk me, while you're at it can you cut the grass, feed the dog & make sure I've got bread & milk in0 -
its just my opinion my ex partners surname is awful as well! lol sorry didnt mean to offend just the way it has gone on in my house
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This must be a very difficult and worrying situation for you. If decisions your son and his girlfriend are coming to, are then changed when she is around her dad, then I can see why you feel your son is being frozen out.
The only way to get to the bottom of this is to meet up and discuss it. What kind of relationship does your son have with the girlfriends father? Maybe it isn't very well established and there could be a great deal of mistrust currently on both sides.
By getting together, putting your feelings across and taking on board theirs you may find you can reach a happy medium. I do hope so as this would be the best outcome before the baby arrives.0 -
The surname that the child is given is probably the last thing to worry about.
The child has two parents and both should be involved in his/her upbringing. Your son may need to browse some "father's rights" forums to get a feel for what to do.0
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