Memorygirls - The Matrix Re-inspired

Memory_Girl

Chin up ladies - remember "this too shall pass". We are there to catch you don't worry.

Willow hon - do you live with your parents? Have you moved back in? Is their response to you perhaps because they are feeling the pinch? Just trying to get to know the situation so we can help.

I've got a friend up here who has a son just moved back in. To begin with fine, then she started resenting him "hanging around all day" when he was out at work. He felt like he couldn't win.

So he grabbed the bull by the horns - he spends from 8am - 1pm job hunting, then he fly-ladies the house (takes care of everything "houseworky"), does the garden, DIY jobs, meal plans to a miniscule budget ( he's used to living on student money)and does the shopping too. By the time my friend gets home from school, dinner is on the table, the house is looking lovely and her tea-towels re even ironed.

Suddenly she doesn't give fig that he plays computer games all night or hangs out with his mates at theirs - mostly because there's about 6 of us have offered to have her son if he wants to move out - LOL. She as already admitted that he makes life very easy for her -and she will miss him when he gets a job, although she knows that with the economy being as it is it may be a while.

They could be at one anothers throats by this point - but he gets his JS, takes £20 for pocket money for interview travel etc and spends the rest on food and stuff for DIY. He is a lovely boy - I hope mine grows up so nice.

MG

PS Is it normal for a 3 year old to watch "Mama Mia" and do the dances along with the music???

tellmeitsfriday

Yes, my honorary three year old dances to mama mia - and says "oh my god" quite a lot...

No Elena, you can't have McDonalds for tea... "Oh my god!" comes the reply!

Cheery_Daff

((((((((((crickett)))))))))))) is it worth going back to (a different!) doctor to see if you can have some time off while waiting for tablets to settle? Or alternatively, are there any functional jobs that don't require much brain power from you (eg tidying office or whatever?). Hope you can get outside for a while, and perhaps a small phone call to a friend would help?

Willow - MG's right - it *is* difficult to go out to work every day and see someone else 'hanging around' the house - even if it's through no fault of their own! MG's suggestion is a good one - a set number of hours job hunting each day, plus taking a bigger role in housekeeping etc. Are you conributing anything money-wise to the household at the minute? If not, perhaps that is why you're being pressured to get a job? If you were signing on then you'd be able to - perhaps that would take the pressure off a little? And the job centre advisors would help you decide where to look, there may even be training available, or some kind of voluntary work etc. Have you had a good think about what you'd like to do? What about your college course - where will that lead you?

Slight hormonal grumpity grumps here today - am battling that pesky ringing-round-everyone dragon again <yawn> - whoever said it would get tedious after a while was absolutely right! Have also got stomach ache, have eaten nowt but cake this week (not strictly true of course, although it does rather feel like it! :rotfl:) and going to Slimming World tonight - pah!

Need to battle on with these phone calls, get another cup of tea, then move on to something more cheery for a while (although still work, of course!). Might get out for a run later too :T

Willow92

I've lived at home all my life, for the past 18 years there's been no problem but as soon as I left college I was expected to just magic a job out of nowhere I suppose. I've literally been out of college less than a month, they seem to think I'm not that bothered about finding a job but I've been searching and there's really not a lot out there that I can do. I've applied for 3 jobs already today and I'm not even halfway through my job search. I have £150 which I was saving up but I'm gonna live off it until I have a job so I'll buy my own food and pay my own bus fare. It's not much but it will do as I don't expect to be out of work too long with the amount of jobs I've applied for recently. Oh well.

greenbee

Marru wrote: »

Hugs and congratulations where appropriate. I shall participate better when I get my head sorted. Especially Greenbee, I am in awe of your displacement activity. I almost fainted from exhaustion by only reading it.

It's amazing what you can get done when you're trying to avoid other things

Just having a break from the sunshine as I've been outside all day and am looking a bit pink! I've borrowed a double kayak and taken my mum out yesterday morning and this morning (she's 71 in august, has judged decided she wants to kayak ...). Yesterday we had a lovely long lunch with cousins and then my dad dropped us off to walk a couple of miles back along the estuary through fields and woods. And then we sat in the garden waiting for him to come back from his sail out at sea... I had a quick sail this morning after putting the kayak away, then waved my parents off for three days in Cornwall, but had to sit in the garden reading for a couple of hours as the cleaner arrived. I've now had lunch, and am trying to decide when to go for a walk (and where), and convince myself that I can manage a run later today (I hope it cools down!).

Crickett - try to get yourself out into the fresh air, and really focus on eating well and exercising. They can make all the difference to how you feel and should help the pills work.

Willow - what MG's friend's son is doing sounds very sensible. Claim the JSA for the NI credits and so you can contribute to your board and lodging. Also treat the job hunting like a job in itself. Allocate specific regular hours to it, so you kow you've done it. You might want to save a little of the JSA each week so you have something for train/bus fares for interviews. And maybe try to get out and see friends or go for a walk to get you out of the house so your parents can have a bit of time to themselves. They're probably just worried and nt you to get. Job, but it's not easy at the moment.

Better go and hang the washing out I suppose... Some things still need dealing with, even on holiday!

Willow92

Oh and I already do things around the house and also cook meals if I know when everyone's gonna be in. Which is any time between 5 and 8pm so either things won't be done on time or food gets burnt I really can't win.

Cheery_Daff

Sounds like you all need to sit down together Willow and have a chat! They might want you to get a job - but like you say, you can't magic one out of thin air. So what EXACTLY is it that they would like from you? A contribution to board and lodgings? (sign on and agree an amount that suits you both). A bit of time in the house to themselves? (agree sensible times and make sure you're out of the way). More help around the house? (perhaps you could agree to cook tea a few times a week and arrange times they will be in?). Or perhaps they just resent you not having a job when they are at work - you can't do anything about this one but you CAN demonstrate that you are doing everything possible to get one - putting hours into your job search etc.

Perhaps you could ask for their advice about various aspects of your job hunt? Would they look over your CV? Have they seen any job advertised lately? What do they think your biggest skills are?

You know you were talking about how you get a positive attitude - here's your chance to practice! Rather than focusing on things that other people are saying and how they're not justified etc, focus your energy on what YOU are doing, and prove them WRONG!

There's also a thing about changing your language - don't keep telling yourself 'there aren't any jobs'. Instead tell yourself your perfect job is just around the corner and you are going to put your time and energy into preparing for it and being ready when it appears. What job would you LIKE to do? Do you have the skills? Could you do some voluntary work? Could you do something part time? What about an evening class?

This might all seem a bit vague because I have no idea of what you want to do - only you know that! But like I said, this is your chance to get out there and practice this positive attitude that we're all working so hard at on this thread! :T :T :T :T

(of course, you're allowed a moan every now and again! But try to change your thinking round to focus on the fabulous things rather than the grotty ones )

thriftyscotslass

Just wanted to pop on to send a few (((hugs))) Crickett's way. IME time is what you need at this point - sleep, gentle walks, sunshine, bubble baths, dvds of comedian's shows. Even if you don't want to, even if it doesn't make you feel better, even if they don't make you laugh they may raise a smile, try to do little and often.

Don't fret, this will pass. Don't be scared if the black fog starts to feel like treacle, it will pass.

Willow92

Cheery_Daff wrote: »

Sounds like you all need to sit down together Willow and have a chat! They might want you to get a job - but like you say, you can't magic one out of thin air. So what EXACTLY is it that they would like from you? A contribution to board and lodgings? (sign on and agree an amount that suits you both). A bit of time in the house to themselves? (agree sensible times and make sure you're out of the way). More help around the house? (perhaps you could agree to cook tea a few times a week and arrange times they will be in?). Or perhaps they just resent you not having a job when they are at work - you can't do anything about this one but you CAN demonstrate that you are doing everything possible to get one - putting hours into your job search etc.

I'm away from Wednesday to Sunday so I don't think they want much more time to themselves. I do ask for a list of jobs no one wants to do then do them myself but I probably need to pester them for even more jobs.

Perhaps you could ask for their advice about various aspects of your job hunt? Would they look over your CV? Have they seen any job advertised lately? What do they think your biggest skills are?

I've asked my Mum to look over my CV but she's always too busy apparently so she never sits down and talks it through with me. I've also asked Mum to keep an eye out for any jobs where she works or near her but I don't know if she does.

You know you were talking about how you get a positive attitude - here's your chance to practice! Rather than focusing on things that other people are saying and how they're not justified etc, focus your energy on what YOU are doing, and prove them WRONG!

There's also a thing about changing your language - don't keep telling yourself 'there aren't any jobs'. Instead tell yourself your perfect job is just around the corner and you are going to put your time and energy into preparing for it and being ready when it appears. What job would you LIKE to do? Do you have the skills? Could you do some voluntary work? Could you do something part time? What about an evening class?

I would love to work with animals, I wanted to do an Animal Care course but since I've already done a Level 3 BTEC I'm now not allowed to do a level 2. I also get email alerts for apprenticeship and job vacancies, I really am trying. I'm already doing voluntary work, that's how I got the little experience I already have. I worked in a charity shop until recently and now I help out at a dog groomers.

This might all seem a bit vague because I have no idea of what you want to do - only you know that! But like I said, this is your chance to get out there and practice this positive attitude that we're all working so hard at on this thread! :T :T :T :T

(of course, you're allowed a moan every now and again! But try to change your thinking round to focus on the fabulous things rather than the grotty ones )

I think that kinda sums it up

thriftyscotslass

Hey Willow, have a hug. Sounds like you are doing great to me. Does your Mum "know" that you are doing all this. It may just be her own anxiety spilling over, if it is then she needs to be aware of how it makes you feel and she should try to keep it in check.

Why don't you give yourself a time-frame eg if any of these job apps don't bring results say within a week, then you sign on for JSA. In the mean-time, make sure the Social knows that you are doing voluntary work as then you may be given National Insurance credits.

Take care x