How much child support do you think is fair?

fannyanna

Me again.

Here's a template private agreement that you might find handy.

http://www.cmoptions.org/en/pdfs/Private%20Form.pdf

jetta_wales

fannyanna wrote: »

Me again.

Here's a template private agreement that you might find handy.

http://www.cmoptions.org/en/pdfs/Private%20Form.pdf

Thank you I do think it would make him take it more seriously too if it was in writting and he could see exactly how much less I'm asking fort an they say I'm entitled to. Maybe if I said always £100 less than the CSA figure or something like that so he would know that it would and should always increase when his wages do but still appreciate that he's getting off pretty lightly compared to many.

gonzo127

jetta_wales wrote: »

Thank you I do think it would make him take it more seriously too if it was in writting and he could see exactly how much less I'm asking fort an they say I'm entitled to. Maybe if I said always £100 less than the CSA figure or something like that so he would know that it would and should always increase when his wages do but still appreciate that he's getting off pretty lightly compared to many.

i really would not state a set amount under CSA as thats just setting yourself up for getting less than you should. edit what would happen in this situation if he was made redundent, and had to take a job with less money, this could leave your children with nothing!

i still think if you must set something out so specific, set it out in the way that he will end up paying the amount he should,

something along the lines of over the next 2 years we will have incremental increases with no more than 6 month periods between increases, upto the amount set by the CSA as the legal (?) minimum that should be paid for maintenance for your children (am i right that the CSA is a legal minimum amount? and thats why i can be taken at source)

Tuesday_Tenor

What does your partner think and feel about subsidising another man's children so much, given that the other man earns so much more?

You seem very concerned about being kind and fair to your ex. Are you being equally fair to your partner? You've hardly mentioned him.

jetta_wales

gonzo127 wrote: »

i really would not state a set amount under CSA as thats just setting yourself up for getting less than you should. edit what would happen in this situation if he was made redundent, and had to take a job with less money, this could leave your children with nothing!

i still think if you must set something out so specific, set it out in the way that he will end up paying the amount he should,

something along the lines of over the next 2 years we will have incremental increases with no more than 6 month periods between increases, upto the amount set by the CSA as the legal (?) minimum that should be paid for maintenance for your children (am i right that the CSA is a legal minimum amount? and thats why i can be taken at source)

It just seems like quite a lot to ask for though? Or maybe that's just me being soft again I guess.

jetta_wales

Tuesday_Tenor wrote: »

What does your partner think and feel about subsidising another man's children so much, given that the other man earns so much more?

You seem very concerned about being kind and fair to your ex. Are you being equally fair to your partner? You've hardly mentioned him.

As far as my partner is concerned my ex is a failure all round (which I agree with to be honest, he's good at programming which is his job but socially, emotionally and financially he's going nowhere just likes to play computer games). My partner will work his fingers to the bone to provide the most he can for us and the girls and to him their our girls not my girls. He's a LOT younger then my ex as my ex was 10 years older than me and my partner's younger than me but he's a better father to them and thinks further ahead than just not going over a £1000+ overdraft limit by the next pay day which is how my ex looks at life, just stay afloat till next month. It's kinda sad to be honest.

gonzo127

jetta_wales wrote: »

It just seems like quite a lot to ask for though? Or maybe that's just me being soft again I guess.

why is it a lot to ask, the CSA amount is the minimum amount that he should be paying towards his childrens upbringing, in a lot of ways you are being soft giving him 2 years to get his finances in order to be able to pay that amount, just think if you went through the CSA that is the amount they would take now.

Really try and think about it this way, by not asking him to provide what he should to help you support your children, you are actually denying them the lifestyle they should have,

try and think of all the things you could do with your children with an extra £160 a month, how many day trips could you take them on to give them the memorys which will last a lifetime, how many experiences could you give them which they cant have at the moment but would give them skills and knowledge which once again will last a life time

please do not think i am having a go at you, because by the sounds of things you are a fab parent who is going to great lengths to make sure they have a good releationship with both parents by not using them as ammo, but in turn, by allowing him so much leeway with his responsibilities you are also causeing them to miss out on things which otherwise they could be having.

giving him the ability to stagger the increases over 2 years, i feel, is more than generous enough and will mean it isnt a shock when the increases happens, and it isnt as if you are asking him to pay more than the minimum amount that he should be doing.

jetta_wales

gonzo127 wrote: »

why is it a lot to ask, the CSA amount is the minimum amount that he should be paying towards his childrens upbringing, in a lot of ways you are being soft giving him 2 years to get his finances in order to be able to pay that amount, just think if you went through the CSA that is the amount they would take now.

Really try and think about it this way, by not asking him to provide what he should to help you support your children, you are actually denying them the lifestyle they should have,

try and think of all the things you could do with your children with an extra £160 a month, how many day trips could you take them on to give them the memorys which will last a lifetime, how many experiences could you give them which they cant have at the moment but would give them skills and knowledge which once again will last a life time

please do not think i am having a go at you, because by the sounds of things you are a fab parent who is going to great lengths to make sure they have a good releationship with both parents by not using them as ammo, but in turn, by allowing him so much leeway with his responsibilities you are also causeing them to miss out on things which otherwise they could be having.

giving him the ability to stagger the increases over 2 years, i feel, is more than generous enough and will mean it isnt a shock when the increases happens, and it isnt as if you are asking him to pay more than the minimum amount that he should be doing.

Honestly I know that everything you've said there is comletely true and I really do need to stop feeling like I have to cushion him from the full consequences of his own financial irresponsibility by tightening our own belts instead. An extra £160 a month would enable us to pay for them to do some after school activites like dance or martial arts, both of which I know they'd love to do but we really can't afford right now at all and there'd still be plenty more left over to make food bills etc more comfortable.

I know we will have to handle it very carefully and I'm certain I could do that without it causing big problems because he knows he's been very fortunate thus far but I can't be feeling responsible for him any more.

Thanks, I'm going to get my partner to read these too and we'll have a proper discussion about it and make a decision.

All the input is helpful, thanks all.

blabberwort

jetta_wales wrote: »

Luxuries? Lol I don't think you know much about auction properties do you? We don't even have double glazing at the moment the patio doors are to replace a large aluminium single glazed window that's seized shut and can not be opened. The kitchen is needed because the current one is literally in pieces with a large chunk of worktop missing and a crate to replace 3 collapsed draws and a cupboard had to be cut in half when we re-plumbed the whole house.

The question I asked essentially was just "how much child support do you think is fair?" feel free to answers that?

But yes if he contributed more towards the living expenses of having two children we wouldn't have to be so very careful every month with how much we spend on food etc and where we buy from (farm foods those sort of places usually) just so that we can also buy some fencing that month too or save for the larger items.

Well to be fair, you didnt initially mention exactly how much work you've done or not done on your house. Also trying to make me look stupid regarding auction properties is kind of pointless, there are many auction properties that arent in need of redoing, so actually you could have been in a property that YOU felt needed modernising or whatever, but may in fact be perfectly liveable. I wouldnt know. I only had your post stating you want new patio doors etc.

Also just to point out that if you want a question answered without people straying off topic, then perhaps you should just put the necessary information down. If your going to post irrelevant stuff about doing a house up that bares no relevance to your initial enquiry regarding csa then dont be surprised if people dont answer your question how you want.

Yes it's a pittance you accept from him, but I still reitterate that you were the one who suggested the amount, so you cant seriously have expected him to offer more initially if he's as bad with money as you say.

If you feel that aggreived then get onto csa but dont expect it backdated.

jetta_wales

blabberwort wrote: »

Well to be fair, you didnt initially mention exactly how much work you've done or not done on your house. Also trying to make me look stupid regarding auction properties is kind of pointless, there are many auction properties that arent in need of redoing, so actually you could have been in a property that YOU felt needed modernising or whatever, but may in fact be perfectly liveable. I wouldnt know. I only had your post stating you want new patio doors etc.

Also just to point out that if you want a question answered without people straying off topic, then perhaps you should just put the necessary information down. If your going to post irrelevant stuff about doing a house up that bares no relevance to your initial enquiry regarding csa then dont be surprised if people dont answer your question how you want.

Yes it's a pittance you accept from him, but I still reitterate that you were the one who suggested the amount, so you cant seriously have expected him to offer more initially if he's as bad with money as you say.

If you feel that aggreived then get onto csa but dont expect it backdated.

I never said I would want it back dated and plenty of others here have had no problem answering a lengthy post with at times very lengthy replies and have been very helpful indeed. Don't try and make me look greedy for thinking that less than half the CSA isn't really enough and I won't have any need to make you look stupid for it :-)