How much child support do you think is fair?

jetta_wales

blabberwort wrote: »

When you mention patios doors etc, it comes across to me that you want the money more for you to have a nice house than what the moneys meant to be for, which is your childrens needs.

Your children can manage perfectly fine without new patio doors etc, what they need is the essentials such as food/clothes/heating etc etc. You asked for x amount so it's no surprise thats all he's paying you. While I agree it's not a great amount, you need to take into account he has them 2 days a week.

Im sorry about sounding harsh but your posts really do seem to across to me as money grabbing for your own luxuries rather than not being able to afford necessities for your children.

Luxuries? Lol I don't think you know much about auction properties do you? We don't even have double glazing at the moment the patio doors are to replace a large aluminium single glazed window that's seized shut and can not be opened. The kitchen is needed because the current one is literally in pieces with a large chunk of worktop missing and a crate to replace 3 collapsed draws and a cupboard had to be cut in half when we re-plumbed the whole house.

The question I asked essentially was just "how much child support do you think is fair?" feel free to answers that?

But yes if he contributed more towards the living expenses of having two children we wouldn't have to be so very careful every month with how much we spend on food etc and where we buy from (farm foods those sort of places usually) just so that we can also buy some fencing that month too or save for the larger items.

pinkpig08

I think the OPs point is that they are spending most of their money on bringing up the children as they get such a small amount from the father. Were he to pay his rightful contribution, that would free up the OPs money to then spend on their house.

gonzo127

just some rough figures £33k a year is about £2000 a month after tax so currently he is paying less than 10% (closer to 5%) of his take home wage, when taking into account the CSA believes 15% is right for one child and 20% for 2 he is getting away somewhat lightly,

being totally harsh the amount the CSA state is a fair amount as that is what it has been worked out to be,

although you are right to try and keep things amicable i do think you should broch the subject about increased maintenance, maybe work out a time line as to when and how much you (both) think it should increase by, if possible try not to to agressive with it, but also try to remember that it is no longer your problem that your ex is carp with money,

maybe look at saying in 3-6 months a rise to £150 then another 3-6 month rise to either 175 or 200 then another 3-6 months go up to 225-250 etc give him time to get his finances in order (bare in mind the above would give him roughly 2 years to get his maintenance up to what the CSA says he shoul dbe paying now) but also be firm in that what he is currently paying is not really a reasonable amount to help look after his children, especially when the CSA would take £286 a month stright away and not give him time to organise or give him the ability to be flexible

Threebabes

I would go through the CSA. Also for using it for house maintenance, I think thats fine, you are using it to provide a safe environment for your kids. I think he should pay you whats owed.

jetta_wales

gonzo127 wrote: »

just some rough figures £33k a year is about £2000 a month after tax so currently he is paying less than 10% (closer to 5%) of his take home wage, when taking into account the CSA believes 15% is right for one child and 20% for 2 he is getting away somewhat lightly,

being totally harsh the amount the CSA state is a fair amount as that is what it has been worked out to be,

although you are right to try and keep things amicable i do think you should broch the subject about increased maintenance, maybe work out a time line as to when and how much you (both) think it should increase by, if possible try not to to agressive with it, but also try to remember that it is no longer your problem that your ex is carp with money,

maybe look at saying in 3-6 months a rise to £150 then another 3-6 month rise to either 175 or 200 then another 3-6 months go up to 225-250 etc give him time to get his finances in order (bare in mind the above would give him roughly 2 years to get his maintenance up to what the CSA says he shoul dbe paying now) but also be firm in that what he is currently paying is not really a reasonable amount to help look after his children, especially when the CSA would take £286 a month stright away and not give him time to organise or give him the ability to be flexible

Yes if we did ask for more I would definitely stagger the increases for him. I had to pay his mobile phone bill for him last year for two months arrears as he'd been cut off and had his home phone cut off too and hind Dad had passed away while in France so he needed to be able to get in touch with family. I also let him pay my £120 just whenever he was able. He didn't ask me to do this I offered of course and I didn't thinktwice about it, it was the right thing to do but it does make me think he'd fall on his !!!! if I took anywhere near the total that the CSA say and I'm still left feeling responsible for him because nobody else looks out for him or gives him a kick up the bum when he's in a mess and needs to pull his head of the sand. It's an almost maternal thing I guess. But then I think bloody hell he's on £33k where on earth does it go?

For about 6 months before we split he had his bank statements changed to e-mail at his works address and thus I never saw anything from that account. When we split and sorted out me taking over the bills for the house, the mortgage etc it worked out that he owed me £200 because the joint account was £400 down when we split (the account all household bills came out of). I offered to forget that £200 he owed me if he'd just show me his last two months bank statements (financially we'd been struggling for a while but I really didn't know why). Needless to say he just paid me the £200 instead.

I don't know what is going on with him financially and I am concerned for him but I'm also !!!!ed off that I've got to molly coddle him because he can't handle money when he's on twice the money we are for four of us.

jetta_wales

It's also occurred to me that I could screw him royaly, probably make him lose his house if I wanted to go to CSA for backdated payments as what he has paid he has always payed by cash. Now of course I'd never in a million years chose to do that to him but I'd also never put my home on the line just on trusting him and the fact that that's pretty much what he's done is just another example of how he's completely sensless financially.

Maybe I should go through CSA but just for a written and legal private agreement so things are a bit more formal at least.

Mojisola

jetta_wales wrote: »

It's also occurred to me that I could screw him royaly, probably make him lose his house if I wanted to go to CSA for backdated payments as what he has paid he has always payed by cash. Now of course I'd never in a million years chose to do that to him but I'd also never put my home on the line just on trusting him and the fact that that's pretty much what he's done is just another example of how he's completely sensless financially.

Maybe I should go through CSA but just for a written and legal private agreement so things are a bit more formal at least.

A claim only starts from when you contact the CSA so you couldn't claim backdated payments from him.

If the bulk of his earnings are really being frittered away, I would go through the CSA and get him to pay the full amount.

fannyanna

Hi OP,

As someone who normally sympathises with NRP's when it comes to the CSA I think your ex is a lucky man.

It's not yours or your childrens fault that he's bad with money and you should therefore not be made to suffer for his mistakes.

As someone has already said he's only paying out about 6% of his net income (presuming he's not paying into a pension) when CSA guidelines say that NRP's should pay 20% where there are two children.


I would recommend that you do speak to him about this although can I make a few suggestions as to how you approach it with him.

• Don't mention that you can do some DIY once he starts paying more money. This is likely to be taken the wrong way (as it has by some posters on here) and p*ss him off which might make things more difficult. I do understand the rationale behind this though as someone has already pointed out i.e. you'd be able to pay for your DIY if you weren't having to provide the majority of the financial support for your children.
• Don't threaten him with the CSA and the threat of "screwing him royaly" with backpayments. Once again as someone has already pointed out the CSA would not make backpayments. CSA liability starts from when they contact the NRP and no sooner. Once again this will only wind him up.
• If you are happy to do it stick with your private arrangement. I'm impressed by anyone who can put their own feelings aside and be able to deal with their ex in a grown up fashion and come to an agreement over something like money. Trust me when I say the CSA just complicates matters! Of course if things go pear shaped the CSA is there to help you (although be aware that they are making changes where you will need to pay to use their service in the future).
• Once again if you're happy to do this (and hats off to you) suggest the payments build up over a short period of time. This might make it easier to sell to him - not that you should have to.

the_cat

To me the fact that he is useless with money, may or may not have debts etc is irrelevant. The most urgent and pressing priority for his money is to provide a reasonable amount for his children, end of story

So yes I think you should be getting more. Only you know how he will react and how it will impact on family harmony. I would suggest though that you appear to have been a bit of a soft touch so far in your negotiations so you will either have to work quite hard on this or hand over to CSA

fannyanna

Oooh one more thing....

If you do stick with a private arrangement I think you indicated that you don't have a written agreement in place. Just type something up (or look online as you might be able to find a template to use) which states that he will pay you 20% of his net salary on a monthly basis and maybe agree a date.

For his own security you can suggest that he either sets up a standing order (so that there's an audit trail and evidence of his payments) or agree to provide him with some receipts for maintenance paid by cash. Once again these don't need to be fancy. Just something like "£[amount] paid to [your name] from [exes name] on [date] for child maintenance". It can either by typed or handwritten - really doesn't need to be fancy.