How much child support do you think is fair?

jetta_wales

I've been thinking for a while now about the amount I ask my ex for in child maintenance for our two young daughters and it's a great deal less than what the CSA say I should expect from him.
Our daughters are nearly 5 and nearly 7 (both birthdays within the next 8 weeks) and my ex earns about £33k a year. I don't work at the moment, I'm registered blind but am hoping to take a job that would be just perfect for me but it's still only 21 hours and will probably be no more than £6 per hour. My partner works full time, usually on £7 an hour but it can be higher at times.

The CSA website says that he should be paying us about £286 a month but I've only asked him for £120 a month because I know he has debt and is generally crap with money and always has been (but that's not my fault). He has our girl for 2 nights a week and some extra nights in holidays.

He'll never be able to support them financially in any way of his own accord, he'll never have anything to his name except his house and only that if he stops re mortgaging it to pay off newly acquired debt. I've no idea what on earth he does with money I really don't but out of pride he'll always make sure he pays me every month. So from that perspective I can't help but think it would be in the children's interests to use more of his money, more wisely than he ever will (we are doing up our house that we bought at auction and wish to take this further into a proprty development business in the future) we really do have big ambitions and want to give them everything in life that we can.

I don't really know what to do it really does feel like a moral dilemma and I do think the CSA figure is very high. But it also makes me so cross that he has so much money coming in and manages to waste every penny of it and can't even keep his house clean for the two nights he has his daughters (they often tell me it's a mess and the kitchen smells). I've had to threaten not to let them go to him if he doesn't sort it out there and even my youngest said today that she told him herself she wouldn't want to come if it wasn't clean,

Otherwise we do get on really well and that is important too but I don't think it will ever change either as he's never had the balls to dislike anybody no matter what they do he just doesn't have the emotional capacity to care about anything in life.

Sorry for the long post I'm yo-yo-ing back and forth with this in my own so some in put would be appreciated and maybe there'll be a general consensus would be helpful.

mackemdave

The CSA guidelines would be 20% of his take home pay but this amount would be reduced by 2/7ths as their Dad has the children for two nights a week

make_me_wise

You know him best. Would you involving the csa make him bulk and cause ructions in his relationship with you and the kids?

Is he the type that you could say this to, "that you have checked what maintenance the csa feel is right for the kids but that you would like to keep them out of it, if things can be agreed amicably". I am not sure what they are like now but my cousin had an awful time with them when she tried to sort out maintenance for her child.

It comes across very strongly in your post that you are a great mum who wants the absolute best for her kids. Their dad should want the same for them. His childrens welfare should be his top priority. He doesn't earn a pittance and if he managed his finances better he could easily afford to pay the right amount of child support.

janninew

Sorry if this isn't how you meant to come across, but it seems that you want him to now pay more money as you are starting a property developing business?!

Could the children's father not buy them things that they need, pay for afterschool clubs etc instead of asking him for money to put into your business?

Sorry if that's not what you meant!

jetta_wales

janninew wrote: »

Sorry if this isn't how you meant to come across, but it seems that you want him to now pay more money as you are starting a property developing business?!

Could the children's father not buy them things that they need, pay for afterschool clubs etc instead of asking him for money to put into your business?

Sorry if that's not what you meant!

We ask for less than half of what the CSA say we should ask for and we manage ok because we're very careful with our money but I do feel that we're having to keep our belts tight so we don't ask him for more while he throws money down the pan like there's no tomorrow and we would actually like to make something of our families future. I'm just left wondering why we make so much effort and ask for so little because he can't support himself properly on twice the income that we have?

Derivative

Simple - charge as much as you think he will pay up to CSA's assessment.
Taking his circumstances into account is intelligent, as you don't want to end up with him refusing to pay anything.

But you're not doing it to "give him a break".

Plans_all_plans

I can't get over how little some men pay out for their kids upkeep! I'd be ashamed to pay £120 per month for 2 kids if I was earning 33k. When we had our daughter, the CSA would have said that my (now) husband would've had to pay just £5 a month as he only had a part time job and was a student. Instead he sent me £256 per month without fail.

fannyanna

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I can't get over how little some men pay out for their kids upkeep! I'd be ashamed to pay £120 per month for 2 kids if I was earning 33k. When we had our daughter, the CSA would have said that my (now) husband would've had to pay just £5 a month as he only had a part time job and was a student. Instead he sent me £256 per month without fail.

Were you in a relationship with him at the time or was he an ex. Sorry just a bit confused - probably being blonde

Plans_all_plans

I was in a relationship with him, but given that I'd been on the CSA calculator to see how much they'd want him to pay, I wasn't holding out much hope in the early days that the relationship would survive! We lived hundreds of miles apart until our daughter turned 2 and hardly ever saw each other, so it was difficult. I fell pregnant 5 months into the relationship and we were young.

Even if we'd split up I can tell you categorically that he'd have gone without food himself to give us more than £5 a month, although I acknowledge if he'd moved on then he prob wouldn't have been able to have been as generous as he was.

jetta_wales

Thanks for your replies, I think I'm just being a softy at the end of the day but it has really been annoying me now as we try so hard to make every pound go as far as it can so we can afford patio doors, fencing, kitchen whatever we need for our home in a nice area because the school is lovely and it's worth all the work (could never have afforded to live here if we hadn't bought a real 'do'er up'er') but these are the kinda things most good parents will do if need be to give your kids the best. His idea of doing good by his kids is buying them a coat from Next with a credit card or overdraft and frankly they'd rather he just cleaned his bloody house instead.

Ok taking a deep breath now :-) yeah it's annoying me now it really is.

Oh and as for his wages I've just been taking his word for what he's earning as it was nearly £32 k when we split and he said they had a pay freeze for 3 years and he's only recently had a 1%ish pay rise. With the recession this has always seemed perfectly feasible but now I wonder if I have maybe been a little naive.

blabberwort

When you mention patios doors etc, it comes across to me that you want the money more for you to have a nice house than what the moneys meant to be for, which is your childrens needs.

Your children can manage perfectly fine without new patio doors etc, what they need is the essentials such as food/clothes/heating etc etc. You asked for x amount so it's no surprise thats all he's paying you. While I agree it's not a great amount, you need to take into account he has them 2 days a week.

Im sorry about sounding harsh but your posts really do seem to across to me as money grabbing for your own luxuries rather than not being able to afford necessities for your children.