Feeling broody

make_me_wise

My OH and I were in a similar situation to yourselves OP. It took me a while to decide that I wanted children and my hubby wasn't at all sure he did. The reason for this was his upbringing, his parents got divorced when he was very young, sadly he didn't have a happy or very stable childhood.

We both came round to the idea after alot of talking and thinking. We decided though that we would like to travel for a while, then get a decent sized house, sort ourselves out financially etc. I think we were both wanting to 'tick off all the boxes' as such, before commencing on the huge responsibility that is parenthood.

Finally 2 years ago we felt ready and decided to take the plunge and try for a baby. We didn't ever invisage then that we would still be trying this far on. It just isn't happening for us. We spent so long dithering and coming up with excuses for not going for it that at times I feel we have cursed ourselves. Silly I know, and mostly I just keep positive and hope it will happen for us soon.

You know your husband best. Dont try to make a big thing of putting into words why you want a baby. Just say something to him like 'it is the most special thing that you can imagine sharing with him and you cant put it into words'.

Nimeth

Now he's really confusing me, the silly b*gger!:rotfl: He came home from work and brought it up again, though it was to say that he saw a woman on the bus who looked like she was regretting having her kids, though I think he was joking. For someone who doesn't like to keep talking about it, he certainly likes to keep bringing it up.:p

I'd at least like to let him know who's good to speak to. Is Relate any good with this sort of subject or should I be looking elsewhere?

bettyB_2

Nimeth wrote: »

Now he's really confusing me, the silly b*gger!:rotfl: He came home from work and brought it up again, though it was to say that he saw a woman on the bus who looked like she was regretting having her kids, though I think he was joking. For someone who doesn't like to keep talking about it, he certainly likes to keep bringing it up.:p

I'd at least like to let him know who's good to speak to. Is Relate any good with this sort of subject or should I be looking elsewhere?

Maybe he is trying to subtly (or in a way that men think is subtle;))dissuade you for now - he keeps mentioning negative things but then doesnt want to talk about it further - probably because you'll bring up the positive things and he doesnt want to argue.

I dont know who's best to talk to in these circumstances, sorry. But in the meantime, I guess you could just talk to him about his worries and then try to work out some ways to overcome them in the near future - a bit like the list another poster mentioned. (You could always start the convo 'since you brought it up...' )

Redman30

Nimeth wrote: »

Now he's really confusing me, the silly b*gger!:rotfl: He came home from work and brought it up again, though it was to say that he saw a woman on the bus who looked like she was regretting having her kids, though I think he was joking. For someone who doesn't like to keep talking about it, he certainly likes to keep bringing it up.:p

I'd at least like to let him know who's good to speak to. Is Relate any good with this sort of subject or should I be looking elsewhere?

To me it sounds like he's having a bit of an internal conflict at the moment. Maybe he's always thought he didn't want kids but now is considering it & he's trying to dissuade himself, simply because that's how he's previously felt & that's how he thinks he should feel. Give him a little time & space to work his own views through, he sounds like he'll talk to you about it in any case.

I don't particularly want children myself, but ask me why specifically & I'd struggle to explain it coherently.

Nimeth

Redman, I'm guessing you're a fella? If so, I'm glad to have some male input! If not, sorry!:o I would never have thought that he may possibly be feeling that way. If he does bring it up again, I will ask him about this.

bettyB, I definitely intend to speak to my mother when I see her next month, at least just for myself. It could be that's what he trying to do, but I find it a funny way to go about it.:p Sometimes I think I need a book on how men think.:D

Redman30

Nimeth wrote: »

Redman, I'm guessing you're a fella? If so, I'm glad to have some male input! If not, sorry!:o I would never have thought that he may possibly be feeling that way. If he does bring it up again, I will ask him about this.

bettyB, I definitely intend to speak to my mother when I see her next month, at least just for myself. It could be that's what he trying to do, but I find it a funny way to go about it.:p Sometimes I think I need a book on how men think.:D

Yep, most definitely a fella & you're welcome

From re-reading your opening post it reminds me a little of me. I was massively anti-kids in so far as a long term relationship broke up because I didn't change my mind (this was all discussed early on) about it during the relationship. My sister had 3 by then, and moved closer to where I am which meant I got to spend a lot more time with them & saw a lot of the positive things that I hadn't previously appreciated. I've mellowed a bit, and whilst I'm still not particularly keen, I can at least now see the point in the little ankle biters

You sound like you have a great relationship, and your chap sounds like he's perhaps a little scared of the massive life changes kids will bring. But the fact he's getting involved with your sis's brood is very positive, and this is probably what's confusing him. I might be reading too much into it, but it certainly sounds like he's questioning his previously held beliefs internally. It might be that he's just genuinely not reached that point where it's clicked inside his head yet, but that doesn't mean it wont.

You're both still young, you have a great relationship, and talk about things. Give it a little more time & try not to instigate discussions on the subject, and if he starts talking about it, just let him ramble on a bit & see where it goes He might surprise you, hehe

Oh, and getting him around your sis' kids, especially when they're in a good mood may well do wonders depending on how sneaky you're feeling

bettyB_2

Nimeth wrote: »

Sometimes I think I need a book on how men think.:D

If you get one, send me a copy! :rotfl:

Kate78

I think that you are looking for reassurances from your partner that you are on the same page about this, he is taking it to mean that you want him to commit to the idea now (not actually having a kid, but the idea of kids), and it's freaking him out.

Nimeth

Kate78 wrote: »

I think that you are looking for reassurances from your partner that you are on the same page about this, he is taking it to mean that you want him to commit to the idea now (not actually having a kid, but the idea of kids), and it's freaking him out.

I'm certainly not going to try to force him into making a decision if he's not ready to (however frustrating it is for me), though looking back at it, I can see how he might come to that conclusion if that's what he's thinking.

I intend to let the subject drop for a while, unless he brings it up himself. You're all probably right, it's best just let him get on with thinking it out quietly in his head for a bit.:)

jetta_wales

The only way I know to sate broody feeling without having a baby is to get a puppy or kitten (smaller animals just don't bond enough with you to sate the need to mother something). I had two kittens when I got broody and then had no problem waiting till we were married 18 months later to conceive a child. My ex still has one of the cats the other got bored with living there and they haven't seen him in about a year.

Then when my partner got really broody (yes it can happen to men too) but having two young girls I didn't really want another child any time soon. So we got a puppy and then another one. It's great for kids to grow up around pets anyway but he dotes over them so much and he's completely content to have done the tiny helpless cute stage of parenting (which he missed with my two) with the dogs so all is great now.