What to do?Difficult Situation

jackieglasgow

I wouldn't have a problem with my children's aunts or uncles saying that to them, if the circumstances are as the OP suggests Padstow, a fourteen year old is old enough to know right from wrong and to deal with a situation like that themselves if they are responsible. I would hope they wouldn't do such a thing, but would rather their aunts and uncles, with whom they have excellent relationships, were able to broach the matter themselves with them, in a non threatening way, and sorted it out. If I had to get involved, there would be big trouble if they were guilty. I would also expect my sisters or sisters in law to get said child to tell me about it, and the outcome too.

LondonDiva

jackieglasgow wrote: »

How old is your nephew and do you know him well? If it were me, I would call him up and ask him directly, say that you hope he never took it, but that if he did, and he returns it to you by a certain day then no more will be said about it. It might work better to go softly, softly directly with him, than go through his parents.

:eek::eek::eek::eek: Please don't take this approach!

A member of my family did the exact same thing to me when I ws about 13/14. I had gone into a bedroom to read during a family party as I was tired and wanted some quiet time.

I didn't know what she was talking about and was so flustered and confused, it probably came across as 'guilty'. She then went to my mum and my mother questioned me for most of the day as she was convinced the matter would not have been brought to her attention if I hadn't practically been caught in the act.

A few weeks later, mum received a sheepish phone call from the husband saying that the item had been found under the bed. His wife had been too embarrassed to call. To this day, I'm civil and nothing else as he confirmed that the call was only made because someone would have spotted her wearing the item - otherwise, I would still have been branded a thief.

My mum says that her one memory of the incident was me in tears, asking why she didn't believe me and in retrospect knowing something was up in the days beforehand as I couldn't sleep or eat properly.

I'd be really careful if I were you. How do you know the BIL or SIL didn't take it or your kids didn't ebay it?

Disdisbiff

I put it on the table at 2pm as i was sitting there at the time writing a shopping list for the birthday tea. My son said it was on the table during the visit. BiL SiL and mephew came at 2.30.I arrived home 3pm made tea and iPod could not be found.

jackieglasgow

I can't believe people think my suggestion is so awful, I don't know why? I treat my sisters' children like my own, and they are the same with mine, I would really and truly have no problems with this at that age. I did say to use a softly softly approach, and certainly wouldn't go in all guns blazing, and I know my nephews well enough to know how they would react to being asked something like this - especially if they were innocent! Oh well, horses for courses, I suppose:o

JC9297

If I couldn't find something like my ipod and my brother and his family had visited the house earlier in the day it wouldn't even occur to me to think that one of them (or my family) had nicked it!

Disdisbiff

OH has called whilst on a break from work we have both decided to let the dust settle and to see if it "comes out in the wash" so to speak. We both reckon that both BiL and SiL know that it is missing and so do his older siblings so we are keeping everything X that it turns up.

pigpen

I had my sister and brother round one day many years ago.. sis was about 15/16 and brother was 13/14.. and I had £120 go missing....

I knew my sis wouldn't have touched in.. in fact had she seen it she would have brought me it.. so I rang her first.. and just asked if she had seen it or put it somewhere safe as it was not where I had left it. I made it very clear I didn't think for one second she had taken it but just wondered if she had moved it or seen anyone else move it... then I rang my brother and asked if he had seen it or moved it and he went off alarming... I didn't accuse anyone of anything just asked nicely if they had moved it to somewhere sfae because I couldn't find it... I then had my dad on the phone yelling his son wouldn't take it blah blah.. so I said to him exactly what I had said to my brother.. followed with.. the reaction says it all.. he may as well give it back after a confession like that.. as far as I could gather he bought himself an xbox or something.. and I never got it back. And he was not allowed in my house again for years.

So, I would indeed call and ask if any of them had seen it and/or moved it somewhere safe.. it isn't accusing it is just asking.. nothing wrong in that.. unless the safe place was their pocket!

gingin_2

The OP has already spoken to the aunt and uncle and the nephew said he saw it there. There is just as much chance that OP's kids are guilty alongside the nephew, as all 3 were left alone with the ipod.

I also agree with not singling out the nehew and calling him. I watched from the distance and saw a whole episode where my *ss of a brother was telling my 7 year old son to apologise for something that I had witnessed him not doing. Ds was mortified at the time and I am upset on his behalf just thinking about it.

izoomzoom

Our Ipod touch went missing recently.

DS2 had been playing with it, and I chased him, cos we needed to get to school. Later that morning a cover arrived for it, so I looked in the drawer where we usually put it and it wasn't there. Didn't think too much and thought it is probably in DS2's room cos he had to go up for socks before he left.

Anyhow, when DS2 got home, he briefly looked for it and couldn't find it. DH, DS1 and I then spent the next 10 days gutting the house looking for this ipod.

We looked through, tidied up and eventually stripped every single cupboard and drawer in the house and we couldn't locate it.

DS2's friend had been in the house at the same time, and I did view him a little suspiciously, eventhough he had an ipad, which he would leave here till after school.

Everyone kept telling us to stop looking for it and it would reappear, but we couldn't do this (only had it a month) so we kept looking. After about 13 days we lost the remote for the satellite too, but I was fed up of looking by this time, so didn't look for it, although DH did look.

On day 16, DS2 went up to his room and shouted, 'never guess what i just found' a 'trick' he had often played on us before, but this one didn't sound fake, and way and behold, he found the ipod on the floor in his bedroom.

Now DH and I had both searched his bedroom extensively, moved things, cleaned it :eek:, and there it was, almost in the middle of the floor :question:. A few minutes later DS2 found the missing remote too.

So, the morale of the story is ... stop looking and hopefully it will reappear.

Also, someone else mentioned the find my ipod. we have mobileme installed on ours which you can trace the location (we tested our after we found it cos i didn't realise we had it installed) and it comes up to our house.

Hope you find yours soon

mackemdave

jackieglasgow wrote: »

How old is your nephew and do you know him well? If it were me, I would call him up and ask him directly, say that you hope he never took it, but that if he did, and he returns it to you by a certain day then no more will be said about it. It might work better to go softly, softly directly with him, than go through his parents.

I find this totally unacceptable....to approach a 14 yr old direct with no proof is asking for trouble from his parents.....