how do other mums to little ones manage?

Sarahsaver

You have answered your own dilemma if you word it differently, how do you want to spend your time? With your Dd or doing housework!
Now the weather is supposed to be getting better, get out of the house then you cannot mess it up! I went to parks, surestart groups, college, museum/art gallery... all free stuff.
also the less clutter you have the less there is to mess up.
If you have an OH please do not see the housework as 'your' job;)
get toy broom/hoover so your DD can join in, mine loved it, and they always want to help with cooking!

NoahsPennilessMummy

Being a mum is the best job in the world....but also one of the hardest:rolleyes:

When my DS was a baby I used to take him to all the toddler groups just to get out of the house for that couple of hours.

When he got to toddler age I still took him, although his behaviour was becoming rather "odd" at that point and I had a fair amount of hostility from other mums. I still forced myself to go but it was hard at times, especially seeing their children developing and wondering why mine was not.

At 2 DS was diagnosed with Autism which explained a lot!!!
At this point DH also left us and I was diagnosed with depression.

I then faced a very difficult year alone with DS who was also undergoing very intense therapy for his autism. I knew knowone here and had no relatives nearby.

I so know where you single mums are coming from with the loneliness:o
I clearly remember that every week I would leave the autism centre at lunchtime on Friday and would not speak to another soul until Mon morning.
Yep a very lonely time.
I forced myself to get out and make friends, mainly with other mums at special needs groups etc and that made a big difference.
Then 18 months ago I met OH and things have got easier for me.

To any of you who are struggling at the moment I would say try not to ask too much of yourself.
Dont set unrealistic goals of what you can do in a day.
Take each day at a time and just concntrate on getting through that day.
Dont worry too much about the housework and concentrate on the kids and on feeding them and yourselves well.
Also try to get out for even an hour most days....I know this is hard sometimes( we are limited in where we can take DS due to his difficulties).

I think the bottom line is dont beat yourself up over it!;)

Sarahsaver

NPM My DS has just been 'almost diagnosed' (l;ong story) with Aspergers and ADHD at the age of 8, you are lucky at least to know at a young age.
One cinema locally has special screenings for children on the autistic spectrum, less noisy, not so dark, audience 'oddness' tolerated;)
People can be SO ignorant and not accepting of any child that is a bit different.
One thing that made it easier for me, because I WAS a single mum too, and OH is out of the way from 7.15 til 5.30 anyway cos of work, I did voluntary work with sure Start, and even got some paid work from them. I met loads of people and made a lot of friends.

NoahsPennilessMummy

Hi thanks for that:D

i have taken DS to the Kids Inclusive Cinema at Sheffield several times.
It wasnt successfull as TV and films are not one of DS`s "things".
He just made lots of repetitive noises and ran up and down flapping, climbing over chairs etc..........there is a limit to the amount of this behaviour which is accepted...even in special needs circles:o .
I felt as though he was disturbing some other kids who were clearly enjoying the film.....so yet another avenue of normality closed!

We are still living our lives governed by PECS and visual timetables stuck all over house....he needs these to feel ok in himself.

I do try to give him the same opportunities as other kids his age but unfortunately he is unable to tolerate most of them let alone enjoy them......it is me who gets upset over this as DS appears happy with his life:rolleyes:

bravobeastie

I just wanted to give a big thumbs up to all you mums and dads who have children with difficulties and do your utmost to give them normality.

My brother in law is 34 maybe 36 i can't remember now, DH and i have been married nearly 2 years together for 5 and i have never been allowed to meet my brother in law, he doesn't know of our existance or that he has a niece and nephew.

Mother in laws explanation of this is that he wouldn't be able to cope with the normal life his brother has while he doesn't/can't have it.

He has Aspergers syndrome and other disabilities, if his mum had treated him the way you guys treat your children, he could be enjoying a lovely extended family.

Keep up the good work mums and dads (hope that doesn't sound patronising:o)

Sarahsaver

NPM it is SO hard, I have had strangers come up and tell me my son 'needs a good slap'and DS once had half the market at a standstill bcos he had a tantrum. He wanted a cabbage. There is an aspergers/asd support thread on here too and it has been no end of help to me.
when you are on your own with ANY child it feels like sometimes sailing a ship at high seas with little control over it, even less so when they have additional needs.
I know what you mean about your child being happy anyway. My DS doesnt 'fit in' and he doesnt care about it either, which will probably always be the same.
I took DS to the Tate Modern bcos it is free. We looked at the francis bacon paintings cos he loves them, but he didnt stop for long, it was as though he just wanted to see if an old friend was still there.

Back more on the original theme (sorry) easy meals!
Have toasted sandwiches and a salad once a week for tea, do things like stews and bolognese as you can bung it in and leave it, or pasta dishes which can be so quick, and child friendly. Also keep some extra meals/readymade stuff in the freezer so you have something to fall back on if you are ill or knackered.
Remember you are creating your childs memories of childhood, so do memorable things! We have 'snack time' after school so the pestering for food and drink is a scheduled affair. When they were little and still when they are off school morning snacktime too, at about 10.30.
silly things like going upstairs on the bus as a treat, duvet mornings, going round the market and letting your kids shout 'BOWL OF BANANAS A POUND' they still remember DS and he often gets a free bit of fruit and veg when we visit the market.

Bravobeastie thanks for what you said it is genuinely appreciated.

honey

Miss_Kitty_Fantastico wrote: »

I wondered if anyone would be interested in resurrecting this thread

It would be great for samh/samds (or anyone/any parent interested in the subject) to have somewhere to discuss how we stay or try to stay on the os path with so little time some days.

I am a samh to a 8 week old baby and i find it hard not to cave and go for the more convenient (usually more expensive) option re: cooking/cleaning.

I know there is a mse parents club on another board but i feel this is different - this is about being old style (or at least trying to :rotfl: )

Hiya,

I'd like to ressurect this thread. :j

After working part time for a while now, today is my first day as a sahm/domestic goddess :cool: Things didn't go at all to plan - my DD is off school poorly so I've ended up not getting a lot of my huge "todo" list done (have done plenty of play dohing though!).

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and I'm really looking forward to being at home and being more OS - I'd forgotten how quick the time in the day goes though! I've got to go and pick my DH up now and I still haven't decided what to do for tea ..... aargh

honey x

OddjobKIA

I am a stay at home dad have been since AUG last year due to after Child 4 was born mrs OJ became sucidaly deprresed...

anyway
i stopped work she went out to work...

the reason I think I find it easier is due to the fact i am not swayed by pressure to do things in a certain way or peerpresure...ie must give babies fresh cooked food made from organic produce and delivered by butterflies.


as long as your not beating, starving or neglectingh yuour kids your doing a swell job keep it up

NoahsPennilessMummy

Thanks for the comments Bravobeastie.....it means a lot

Sarahsaver

Ooh Honey first rule with sick kids - MAKE IT BORING! No fun and games! Then they have no incentive to be ill for longer than necessary;)