how do other mums to little ones manage?

hennagirl

I now have a nine year old and a five year old whose has just started school. I have spent the last nine years at home with them and have done it with no help as we have moved around a lot in those yaers and the families are faraway. Yes it is hard and yes, some days are just awful but by kiddo no. two and towards the last two years, I learnt that you have to preserve your own sanity. Be selfish, only do what needs to be done immediately - housework can always wait - it only comes back to square one anyway! Spend time with your little ones but also when they are asleep or away, spend time on your self. It is important cause no-one else spends time on you.

It does get better or should I say the demands on your time change - now my weekends are filled with doing school projects and homework. My kids have started to realise that mum does need timeout and generally will respect this. The housework - bare mimimum done until the first few days of each holiday when a more through job is done. I have found it hard on occassions but would never have changed the way I did it for the world. In the new year, another new step - get back to work after a good ten year break!!!:eek:

ginger

Hi all, just found this thread.

I am NOT a SAHM! I would lhave loved to have been but finances would not allow. I was/am major breadwinner and OH job is so insecure that he could never afford to take child break. My children are now 13 and 9. Please don't ever underestimate the amount of guilt working mums feel. I was extemely lucky in that my mother in law was able to look after both children - very well - and I owe her a great deal for doing so. Without her we would have struggled financially even more but also I know that both children were in the safest hands. But even though we both worked all day we still came home and spent time with children to "make up" for having to go to work. This meant housework rarely done (no hardship there then). However, we have this inbuilt guilt about no being superwoman/man and all know someone who had children, works, has a sparkling house, a social life and still has time to please OH!!! My best friend for one!!! God knows how they do it - mustn't sleep for one.
I admire you SAHM mums (jealousy) but please don't belittle those who have to work - most of us don't do it out of choice.

L

TheToothfairy_3

This is a fantastic thread and bought back so many memories. I am a SAHM mom and my children are now 9 (DS) and 8 (DD) and are 9 1/2 months apart :eek: Yep, we wanted them close together but didn't reckon on it happening quite so fast!
I worked evenings when they were younger and then from home since the eldest started school.
I hated mother and toddler groups with a vengence...but kept on going 'for the children'.
Keeping house came down to a routine that was contantly changing as they changed naps, playschool hours e.t.c.
My husband worked away most of the time so I was on my own and boy was it tough...I used to moan at him that I was a married woman with a single mothers life (except for the financial side - we weren't by any means rolling in it so to speak but (only just) slightly better than those without partners though)!
If you have friends in a similar situation then I feel that being a SAHM can be rewarding but if like me, most of them go out to work then it is lonely, isolating and generally demoralising.
I KNOW that I am doing a great job just by being at home for my children and my partner supports that by constantly telling people that he 'gets a good level of service' from me! :rolleyes: (I hate that term)!!!
BUT and it is a big but I have found alot of the following:
Older people who were bought up by SAHM'S:- 'What do you do with yourself all day?'
or
'It must be lovely to have the whole day to do what you want)! :rotfl:I WISH!
Peers my age who work:- 'Don't you need to go to work like me? I need the challenge'!!
My hubbie has had moments of jealousy with me being at home which have on occasions infuriated me as he would need a map to get to any white goods in the house and his culinary skills in the kitchen extend to making a raisin sandwich :rotfl: ...but I still love him loads of course!
I know that my children are both at school now but it is still hard as I constantly need to 'swap hats' at it were - from being a Mum to a Wife to being a business manager to being a cook to being a cleaner to being a friend e.t.c e.t.c.
I really don't feel that society in general values the job we do and our job does make a big difference in society - as it shows - I just wish that in our current day, that more mums are ABLE to SAH.
Sorry, that is my tuppence worth...so to speak...again...after a long nights work...and knowing I have four children round tomorrow to make mince pies and biscuits. Enough said!

cobbingstones

Ginger,

I'm horrified that anyone would belittle you for working. You have the guilt that we all share, and yet more work to do once you come home.

Take it easy all

MM x

Lydia.42

Hi
I am working my way through this post, thank-you everyone for your advice.
We are currently expecting our first baby in May 07, so will have all this chaos to look forward to.

I just wanted to say that reading these posts has reminded me of something i read somewhere (can't remember where- might have been on MSE, or anywhere - brain like fudge at the mo - they don't put that in the pregnancies books do they :rotfl: ).........

(Not being sexist, i know there are lots of stay at home dad's too, but this was roughly what i read)

A husband commented to his wife one night, that he didn't know why she was so tired, as she got to stay at home all day, doing nothing, whilst he went to work.

The next day he returned to find the children wearing their pj's running about the front garden, covered in mud and food about their faces. There were toys everywhere. Upon entering the house, the animals were chasing each other through more toys, and destruction.
The kicthen was a pig-stye, and last nights dishes were exactly where they had been when he left for work that morning.
Tripping over the full-to-the-brim washing basket, he climbed the stairs to find his wife reading a book still in bed.
Flabber-ghasted he asked 'what the hell is going on??? What is all this??'
His wifes reply?

I did nothing dear, just like you said i do everyday............

I think anyone who manages to bring up children, whether stay at home or working, is amazing. There is no right or wrong way, just what feels right for you, and if i can do half as good a job as all you guys are doing i will be happy.

thriftlady_2

Lydia.42 wrote:

Hi


A husband commented to his wife one night, that he didn't know why she was so tired, as she got to stay at home all day, doing nothing, whilst he went to work.

The next day he returned to find the children wearing their pj's running about the front garden, covered in mud and food about their faces. There were toys everywhere. Upon entering the house, the animals were chasing each other through more toys, and destruction.
The kicthen was a pig-stye, and last nights dishes were exactly where they had been when he left for work that morning.
Tripping over the full-to-the-brim washing basket, he climbed the stairs to find his wife reading a book still in bed.
Flabber-ghasted he asked 'what the hell is going on??? What is all this??'
His wifes reply?

I did nothing dear, just like you said i do everyday............

So that's why I'm so knackered :rotfl: Great story :T

rainbowrisin

Hi Ginger, I think mums feel guilt whether they work outside the home or not - it's part of being a mum. I don't work outside the home very often (work based meetings maybe once a week, and grandma looks after the littlies), but I feel guilty coz I'm typing up reports or on the phone at time during the day, so littlies get stuck infront of cbeebies for an hour so I can get stuff done.
I remember being horrified because I read somewhere that children in nursery get only 6 minutes of individual attention a day whilst there, but in all honesty there are days when I'm not sure my littlies get much more when they're with me, as I'm trying to do housework, or type things up, or make phone calls. I feel perpetually guilty because I think I should spend more time playing with them - but even when I set aside "downtime", by the time one's been to the toilet and i've changed the other's nappy / got everyone a drink, got out the "messy play" stuff, then cleared up the "messy play" stuff, if we get 10 minutes of proper play time we're doing well.
When I spoke to my mum about it, she said that her mum was a SAHM, but was a farmer's wife, so the children had very littlie "1-1" (I don't think it was invented then - the children stayed in a playpen til they were old enough to do jobs!) and she and her siblings didn't turn out too badly.
You're a good mum, and don't listen to anyone that says differently.
Merry Christmas.

tankgirl1

full-time-mum wrote:

Sorry, can't help as I am totally like you. All I can say is stop beating yourself up about it all and chill out a bit and remember the poem - I think it goes like this.

I hope that my child when he looks back on today
remembers a mother who had time to play
so hush now cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby 'cos babies don't keep

Pin it up somewhere prominent so it reminds everyone why your house isn't spotless.

I havent read the whole thread, but this just jumped out at me. Ive just copied it out now, and am going to stick it up in the kitchen, to remind me to get myself out of there, and to go play with baba!

Thanks full-time-mum :T

Miss_Kitty_Fantastico

I wondered if anyone would be interested in resurrecting this thread

It would be great for samh/samds (or anyone/any parent interested in the subject) to have somewhere to discuss how we stay or try to stay on the os path with so little time some days.

I am a samh to a 8 week old baby and i find it hard not to cave and go for the more convenient (usually more expensive) option re: cooking/cleaning.

I know there is a mse parents club on another board but i feel this is different - this is about being old style (or at least trying to :rotfl: )

doodledo_2

I would definately be interested in this thread.

I work from home and have a toddler and have recently found the OS board so would love to hear any tips and advice people could share.

I find the hardest thing is getting the balance right between time with my daughter and the housework.