VERY intrusive boss in personal life

Mands

Emmzi wrote: »

Your employer sounds odd and I would be looking for a new job anyway.

They do sound odd.

That's been the general opinion in each of the previous seven threads about the OPs employment at this company. It's a weird company or a strange boss or a screwy culture or a bit of all of those.

First and second full-time jobs are always a challenge; not having the experience to know whether what's being asked is reasonable or if your own expectations are slightly off.

Here there's a mix of both; its perfectly reasonable for the company to be concerned about an employee moving several hours away and working from home in an place where working from home isn't really practical. Concern = reasonable. But the offer to stay at the home of the boss? That's a bit weird. Probably benign, but weird.

All of which comes back to: folks here can advise until they are blue in the face but the decision lies with the OP. Do the benefits of this role (career advancement, getting known in the sector) outweigh the general oddness and angst?

Best of luck working through this,
Mands

Proc

Is your boss a hottie?

Just broke up with missus > need shoulder to cry on > boss pays interest > stay over at her flat > "It's purely professional" (lol) > CEO of company > £££££££

This could be your free meal ticket to an easy life.

Judith_W

Surely a job can be based in London but you are elsewhere...? As per a previous poster, you could live miles away and as long as you are where you need to be when you need to be there they shouldn't have an issue with that. I agree that you perhaps do you expenses as if you live within what they consider an acceptable range, and emphasise that you will whenever possible get the last train home and not pay for a hotel. Surely the person living in Reading would be in the same situation..?

ohreally

dilemma10, i can't help but feel that your mental health is suffering, is this something you recognise yourself?

I also get the impression your self esteem is low and your looking in the wrong places to boost it - getting caught up in meaningless job titles for example and referring to your age.

Perhaps the time is here for you to look at moving on and enrolling in assertiveness classes and reevaluate what is important in life.

dilemma10

ohreally wrote: »

dilemma10, i can't help but feel that your mental health is suffering, is this something you recognise yourself?

I also get the impression your self esteem is low and your looking in the wrong places to boost it - getting caught up in meaningless job titles for example and referring to your age.

Perhaps the time is here for you to look at moving on and enrolling in assertiveness classes and reevaluate what is important in life.

All I can say is thanks so much to everybody on this thread, you have all been so supportive.

I think the above post is bang on - my self esteem is low, I do not know my own worth, I now seem hung up on being young and impressionable and naive. I guess tiddlywinks was right in a way, I kind of need to grow up - but I was never put into this position by previous employers. For some reason this employer and CEO seems cut up on 'moulding me' and delving into my private life. It is intrusive but I am partly to blame for letting it get this way.

Trinitrotoluene

I think, all though it may appear harsh, what tiddlywinks has said is the best kind of advice that I could give you. It feels that you have come across needy to the company and they are reacting by attempting to "mother" you in a way. You are getting too caught up in titles, your age, and your current position in your industry. You need to re-evaluate how you are coming across to your employers if you want to stay in a working relationship with them. While mature in some ways, you seem incapable of dealing with simple matters in a professional manner.

On the other side though, your employers seem "odd". I would be looking for an escape route.

m_13

dilemma10 I've just seen your post of the 12th saying that you are now looking to take out a mortgage and buy in the Midlands because you have a work from home job and are due a pay rise.

If the company you work for are unhappy with you living in the Midlands and you are so unhappy working there then taking on a long term commitment like a mortgage seems like a very bad idea.

If you work in the policy/central government/lobbying arena then I think you'll find that most companies will want you to be near to Westminster. It may be that you have never had to attend a meeting at short notice but that doesn't mean that this will always be the case. You talk of making a name for yourself but if your reputation is that of somebody based in the Midlands who is inflexible then that's not the name you want.

I used to do on-call and had to be no more than one hour from the office on those days and even though I was never called out once it was still what was expected. I recognise that this is different because this was a contractual requirement but as you can't find your contract you don't really know if your contract mentions living in London.

Errata

You're 22 years old and have worked for this company which has a board of directors but only 5 employees including you for less than a year and earn £22k a year. The job is 'national' and you already have a lot of recognition. You were promoted to Assistant Director and then de-promoted. Your employer has no permanent office, job is home based and you regularly work in London during the day and attend evening events.
You have to stay at the boss's house when she tells you to. The company wrote to your parents about your performance. You shake with nerves during team meetings. Your parents have told you that you will have a breakdown. You say you're heading for a breakdown.
You now live with your parents and your boss has offered you free use of her flat in return for 'domestic duties'. You have been asked to put in safe storage a desk, chair, bookcase, filing cabinet which is presently in a flat you no longer live in with a lease that shortly expires.
Your employer sounds eccentric beyond belief with a very hazy idea of where employer/employee boundaries lie. In many ways it all sounds to me very much like a 'vanity' enterprise, possibly with fragile fiscal foundations. Do not be surprised if you are 'let go'.

chuckley

shes only intrusive because uve let her. lesson learned... the people u work with aren't ur friends and u should keep ur personal life chatter to the bare minimum, ie, 'i had a good weekend'. nothing is in 'confidence' @ work. trust me HR ppl gossip EVERYTHING even if its medical.

i find it very odd u stay @ her house... dangerous territory.