My home is a mess

Cat501

candygirl I'm really sorry to hear all that!:(:( Hope you get better soon, and as for OH - huh - men! Sorry it's getting you down, hope he'll snap out of it soon:(

DDs - surprising how many of them ARE quite awful! The best word for DD1s attitude towards me is contemptuous. I should have done something about it years ago:o

jpscloud

Alright messies, I may still have terrible face ache, but it's Friday, school's out and I think we owe ourselves another virtual party! Who's in tonight?

Cat501

I'm in! But I don't know how much peace I'll get:(


aargh! Made spag bol with pork mince for dinner, veggie DD1 just asked what she was having - I said "I don't know, what are you having?". "Nothing, apparently" she replied. Her choice! She's also invited people round without asking me - when I said she should ask as she's intending to use the living room, and it's MY living room - I'm being ridiculous. So I tell her that given that she contributes nothing financially (refuses to claim benefits for some reason) and nothing in the way of housework, I get told to shut up. So I've told her to pack her bags. She honestly seems to think I'm being extremely unreasonable!!

rosalie-lavender

I am really supposed to be cooking the dinner but just wanted to give you some moral support Cat. I think you are being entirely reasonable. I am quite happy to have my kids friends round but the rule is they ask first. There are two friends they know can come any time without asking but if it involves taking over the communal space rather than just their area then they ask. Mine get away with blue murder as far as the housework is concerned but they are only here in the holidays. If they were living here all the time they would be expected to share the chores and contribute financially and I think you are being entirely reasonable asking your DD to do her bit.

Cat501

thank you Rosalie:) I don't really expect the other two to do anything because I don't do a lot myself, DD2 is snowed under with college work and DS is at school, they still tidy their rooms though. And they are contributing to the household in their own way, child benefit and child tax credit. Whereas DD1 was costing me, until I got DLA care component I had to pay a bit for council tax and rent because she was living here as a non dependent adult - if she claimed JSA or ESA, I wouldn't have had to pay it and she knows that. Anyway, as far as she's concerned - I'm still paying that. And she doesn't care! But even if she helped in the house I wouldn't be so bothered about the financial stuff, it's just the fact she doesn't contribute in any way whatsoever. Anyway sorry for moaning, thanks so much for the support:) xxx

helen_jelly

Cat - I second what Rosalie said - when I left school I was told to get a job or move out, I got a job pronto and had to pay towards my keep and quite rightly so, my kiddies will be told to help out financially if working or they can do the housework if not and its good manners to ask if friends can come round - you are quite right to put your foot down hun - stand firm and remember we're here to help if poss x

I've chased my tail today!! Done lots but achieved nothing hehe

Helen x

jpscloud

That's so aggravating Cat - it's so stressful when loved ones take us for granted. My dad is particularly selfish and doesn't consider my feelings or circumstances at all, whereas my mum is the total opposite and I have to double check myself to make sure I'm not taking her for granted. Hope you can get DD to see reason.

Hope you'll be able to chill out here tonight too - I'm in for the duration! I have just made a fruit loaf that is a bit tasty and I can't keep my mitts off it!

Cat501

thanks Helen - I feel upset about her attitude and the way she's spoken to me but it's nothing new and I'm trying to hold it together and keep calm:) SO grateful for the support because normally I'd be in my room by now crying and trying hard not to do anything stupid to myself, so thank god for you lot, you're fabulous!! Got to nip out soon for half an hour and pick up maintenance from DS's dad, I may just treat myself on the way back and try and join in the party:beer: xxx

eta add thank you jps, it IS aggravating but I've had 14 years of it, should be used to it by now, or at least found a way of dealing with it. I did throw her out for a few months a couple of years ago, she crept back in though...I'm sorry about your dad xxx

Mmmm fruit loaf - years ago I used to make something called Belgian fruit cake but the recipe was on a scrap of paper and is long lost

Rummer

Cat I know it is hard but you have to keep strong, times are tough and she has not right to expect a free ride. Tell her to get a job/benefits and contribute or she is out. It is also worthwhile have a list of chores each person is expected to do. Hard as it is it is worth digging you heels in in the short term to have a better life in the long term.

I have achieved miniature greatness today by cleaning out the kitchen, washing the counters and the hob. When I get back in I have to clean the floor . It is lovely to see it all clean and shiny!

jpscloud

Yep tough love is the way forward - but go easy on yourself Cat, it's not your fault. If it was easy to find a way of dealing with young people who have no idea how selfish and unreasonable they're being, my job would be a breeze!

Hope you get something nice on the way home - I'm pottering about and doing a teeny bit of demessying, but nothing outrageous!