Sod's Law - Part 1 & 2

Blue_Monkey

sjc3 wrote: »

Congratulations. So remember feeling just like you do when I fell pregnant with my daughter. A friend of mine calmed me down and said something that seemed weird at the time but was so true. She told me "thats why you are pregnant for 9 months, in that time, all your feelings fall into place, you stop being scared and start getting excited".

A baby is life changing but very much for the better.

I jokingly said to OH yesterday that thank god we've got 9 months to get used to the idea and imagine if you manufactured sproglets within 2 weeks and what a shock that would be!

Blue_Monkey

sassyblue wrote: »

Hi hunny, we tried for 7 years and had to have IVF which failed but months later l conceived naturally :j even then at the age of 37 seeing two blue lines was shocking :rotfl:

It's perfectly natural to be shocked when you first get pregnant, just give yourself a couple of weeks to get used to the idea and then see how you feel.

Don't torture yourself, it doesn't mean you're an awful person, just someone with alot of big decisions to make.

BTW l co-run a business but l'm back to work everday in school hours, you can manage - with alot of organisation. Your life doesn't stop when you have a baby you can still have nights out, it just gets put on hold for a while.

Good luck and l'll watch this thread to see how it pans out for you.

Congratulations on your BFP in the end, I saw an ex-colleague go through years of IVF and it was heart-breaking. I've always found the whole thing so magical (and a bit alien-like) so I do know in my heart of hearts that this is a blessing and it's happened for a reason. It's just hard to contextuliase it!

OH and I both feel dreadfully guilty for not feeling happy yet.

I'll post back from time to time - not sure if any of you are that interested, but it's quite good therapy jotting everything down.

Thanks again, BM.

Fang_3

I'd be upfront with the new company - they've left it a long time so can't be shocked that you didn't sit by the phone, legs together, weeping for their call. I suspect that they will probably want you anyway despite what some may see as a business downside.

sjc3

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

The compulsive-planner (control freak?) in me has previously conciously decided when things will happen in our lives; we chose when to do what. The fact that this was only a semi-concious decision has made me feel so totally out of control.

This is something I struggled with hugely too. I run my own business and am ultra organised. Suddenly, though it was planned, I had this whole new concept to my life, growing inside of me that I had no control over. I couldn't control how tired (well tbh exhausted the first trimester made me feel), which smells would make me want to hurl, which foods I couldn't tolerate, which silly adds/tv programmes would make me burst into tears (Arghhh hormones).

Then something wonderful happened. Dont know how friendly people are in Sydney, but in London they almost look through you. Anyhow once I had a baby bump that all changed. Id be going about my day and people would smile when they saw me. They would hold doors open for me. They would start up conversations with me on the tube or bus.

Those experiences helped me embrace the lack of control and the irrational fears I had. Now my life is complete, wonderful chaos. It has helped me be a better business woman, I pretty much fly by the seat of my pants most days and have forgotten just how many balls I am juggling at once. Previously I limited myself to what I felt I could cope with and have all in order. Now I take on far more and just go for it.

Do have a chat with your OH. Being parents is a joint partnership responsibility. You need his full backing and support.

LadyMorticia

I don't really have any advice for you but just wanted to say congratulations. I know it must have been a shock at first but hopefully when that settles you'll both be really excited for your new arrival. :grouphug:

missmontana

On the side of caution, it might be an idea to wait until you've been to see a doctor and had a scan before you tell anyone

Blue_Monkey

I wondered if anyone was interested in an update?

The last week or so has been a right old rollercoaster; think we've been through every emotion going. We seriously considered a termination but decided that was just plain wrong for us. The morning sickness has started and last night I had to pop into A&E as I was bleeding. 4 tubes of blood and an ultrascan later and all is well - they've put me at 6+2 with an EDD of 12 Dec.

Today I had an email from the New Job Woman, saying she'd like to set up a call to finalise my offer. She wanted to schedule something for tomorrow, but I said next week would be better, so we're due to speak on Wednesday.

So now, the real crux of things is do I take the new job and stay in Oz, or do I stay put and head home to have the baby (I have a guarantee of my current same job in London)?

I'm soooo confused. I'm going to jot down some pro's and con's (hope you don't mind, but it's pretty therapeutic jotting this all down):


Pros of taking new job / staying in Oz

• Good career move/opportunity
• Earning potential is high (I can save more in a month here than I earn back home)
• OH is keen to stay in Oz for longer (isn't ready to go home yet)
• Abundance of work for OH

Cons of taking new job / staying in Oz

• Likely to be longer hours than I currently do
• No flexible working (ie work from home like I currently can)
• More full on (will I have the focus/energy? morning sickness has kicked in now and I feel gross)
• Potential short and unpaid maternity leave (I would like 12 mths, but guessing 6 is more realistic)
• Most likely to need to return to work full time
• Baby would need to go in nursery or OH to give up work
• Means committing to Oz until at least end of 2012
• Means having no family or support network around as all in UK
• We don't have that many friends in general here let alone any that have babies
• We'd need to move as I wouldn't want a baby in our current flat or area
• (sounds silly but...) lack of choice or expensive maternity clothes, baby/pregnancy books, clothes, buggies

Pros of staying in current job / returning to UK

• Familiar with company, role
• Flexible working
• Ability to return to London
• 13 months paid maternity leave
• Potential to return to work part-time at least initially
• Close to family (3 sets of parents as mine are divorced)
• Close to friends (including pregnant best friend and numerous others with children/babies)
• Better value choice for maternity clothes etc etc etc as above
• Whilst I wouldn't be able to take the Sydney opportunity, the same or very similar role, would be a possibility in London (for after mat leave)

Cons of staying in current job / returning to UK

• I strongly dislike my boss
• Bored
• Career would effectively go on hold as no possibility of promotion/leaving until after mat leave in early 2013
• Inability to buy a property due to time spent out of the country which means renting at least 12 months due to decreased salary from mat pay (OH is self-employed)
• Less earning potential
• The weather :cool:
• OH doesn't feel ready to leave Oz yet
• OH's work opportunities might be limited in the UK

I. just. don't. know.

I've got a week to work it out before I speak to New Job Woman.

Help.

neneromanova

Personally, and that is just me, I would stay in OZ, (but this is only because I've never been and would LOVE to live there away from this country)

But we don't know how close you are to your family. We're not a close family so I wouldn't come back. But if you are a close family then you'll have to think could you bring your kids up without their grandparents.

Also personally, I couldn't have kids to just put them into nursery and never really see them, but there are women who are fine with that (each to their own). How would you feel if you were earning looooooads of money but hardly ever seeing your child. Also if you took the job and your OH looked after the baby, could you survive on just your wage?

Blue_Monkey

neneromanova wrote: »

Personally, and that is just me, I would stay in OZ, (but this is only because I've never been and would LOVE to live there away from this country)

But we don't know how close you are to your family. We're not a close family so I wouldn't come back. But if you are a close family then you'll have to think could you bring your kids up without their grandparents.

Also personally, I couldn't have kids to just put them into nursery and never really see them, but there are women who are fine with that (each to their own). How would you feel if you were earning looooooads of money but hardly ever seeing your child. Also if you took the job and your OH looked after the baby, could you survive on just your wage?

What's stopping you? We've had a great time over the past 14 months and we'd originally committed to 2 years and it's not somewhere we feel we'd want to live forever, that's for sure.

I'm v close to my family. All parents have been out here to visit and all have hinted at how they are a bit anxious that we'd end up staying out here (and having kids out here). I'd always had in my head that my kids would grow up being close to them and I think my mum expects to be considered as at least a partial child-care option... Saying that, with 3 sets of parents, they can be a tad on the over-bearing side, so we've also enjoyed (selfishy) being away from them... I'm quite close to my brother too who is just wonderful with kids...

We've also got a v tight group of friends back home too, who I know will all be dead-chuffed for us.

I also hate the idea of shoving a baby (a 6 month old as well) in nursery for 5 days a week... I've always expected that I'd be a working mother, but I had hoped to go back for 3 days to begin with (and could probably do that with my current job) and if one of the mum's could have the baby (12 months old by the time I'd go back to work if I'm in the UK, so not quite so little to be leaving) one of those days, I think nursery for 2 days a week would be a good thing (socialising with other kids, getting used to being independent etc etc). We could survive fine on my salary as I'm the main breadwinner, but you know what, I'm not sure whether I'd be jealous or not of OH staying at home, and whether I'd feel like I'd done the hard-graft for the first 6 months and then he gets the "easier" bit when the baby's a bit more interactive/developing.

annakat99

Hi Blue Monkey,
I don't normally post on here... but your story has really struck a cord with me. We're emigrating to New Zealand in 2 months time and I can see myself in avery similar situation to you a couple of years down the line - pregnant on the other side of the world and wondering what to do.

Having not been in that situation, I have no real words of advice, I guess there's no right answer, so go with your gut feeling. Whatever you do, I'm sure you'll make it will work out for the best.

One thing I can say is that I have a friend who had hr baby before the rest of her mates and with her parents out of the country, and she's found masses of support (and a whole new social network) through pregnancy classes / toddler groups etc etc... I don't think you're ever completely alone unless you let yourself be.

Good luck, I hope everything falls into place soon.
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