how to deal with one upmanship from friends?

sassyblue

I've had a couple of friends like this and distanced myself from both in the end, personally l can't bear show offs or jealousy even though l know it comes from insecurity - life's too short - l enjoy peoples company who can laugh and enjoy life.

We had one friend who was the continual bragger, tried to convince us that he saved money by buying a spanking brand new car because his savings weren't earning enough interest, he kept on about himself 'saving money' until l said 'you're the only person l know who can spend £17,000 on a car and then try to convince us you've saved money' - funnily enough they didn't like it but it still didn't shut them up!

The second one HATED it when someone got anything new, it didn't matter that we had everything second/third or fourth hand when we got our first house, as we saved to replace it she always made some comment - she was an only child who even had her house GIVEN to her - but she couldn't bear it!

As l said we distanced ourselves from both because they were no fun to be with, we are in touch with the latter couple again and they are much nicer now, either she grew up or learnt her lesson.

You'll probably find she'll be like this until she's got a ring on her finger, had the big wedding the fantastic honeymoon, the 3.4 children - at which point she'll bemoan everything in her life. Never satisfied see?

sashadesade

She sounds a bit annoying, but personally I'd just ignore it - I don't think it's worth causing a drama over. When she starts talking about all the great stuff she can afford just say 'mm' and change the subject. Though saying that, I don't envy you the wedding talk you're in for now. No doubt everything will be the biggest and the bestest!

SandC

I would also ignore it in the hope that she'll bore of it cos nobody is interested. I take it your mates are just as disinterested? We are the only ones allowing people to irritate us so we can rise above it!

I don't know whether it's been a conscious thing though, but i've never had a group of friends where this kind of one upmanship has been an issue. I've been in groups where the incomes and lifestyles have been quite different, and moreso attitudes towards money/debt etc. I simply do not know how much my mates earn. I could have a good guess, but I can't be bothered. As long as I'm happy with my lot it doesn't matter. In fact, with us we are more likely to keep quiet about something that might have cost us a bit cos someone will pipe up about how we've been ripped off and they know a bloke who knows a bloke etc. The only friend, that has reminded me, who has slight issues is the one who will tell us we've been ripped off by the price of our new boiler etc. These things just simply are not discussed, it's almost a no-go area to be honest.

Finances can ruin relationships with your partner, so they are best left out of friendships too in my opinion.

balletshoes

split_second wrote: »

i darent mention i shop at home bargains too and i spotted my christmas present in there for £1.99

Oh I sooo would mention that - in fact I'd mention something like that every time she mentioned how much money she'd spent on something :rotfl:

sassyblue

barbiedoll wrote: »

Next time they come round, have this playing on the computer...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHo2pXO_XAI


:rotfl::rotfl:

I hadn't seen that in years, thanks for that, split-second this IS the best advice ^^^^^ :rotfl:

split_second

balletshoes wrote: »

Oh I sooo would mention that - in fact I'd mention something like that every time she mentioned how much money she'd spent on something :rotfl:

i'm hoping that she will notice a new ornament in my house, its a £3 bowl from wilkinsons and some random crystals that are an ornamental setting for the electric fire (which was the cheapest one in b and q), i'm going to tell them its a designer piece