how to deal with one upmanship from friends?

split_second

hi all, after some advice really.

been friends with the same group for about 7 years, we all used to work together, everything was fine until my mate's partner starting taking control.

originally it was my mate (lets for argument's sake call him 'm', his partner 'l', i'm 'a', our other mate is 'c')

we all started buying houses about 2 years ago, i bought one, then 'm' and 'l' and at the same time 'c', all well and good except 'l' makes a lot more than the rest of us and makes no secret of it, they bought a table, they had to tell us it was from john lewis, as soon as they moved in, they simply *had* to have sky hd, and every time we met up she would tell us in no uncertain terms she was waiting on 'm' proposing.
last time we went round was even worse, we started talking about holidays, me and my girlfriend are off to germany and wales (2 bargain holidays, less than £500 each for the pair), 'c' is going to america with his family (same as he always does, whole extended family goes and its a cheap deal as its a huge house) and he invited all of us, i said we couldnt afford it cos we booked ours already and then 'l' piped up ''thats well cheap i could afford that'' then 'm' says ''you could i cant'' to which 'l' pipes up ''you should be saving up to buy me an engagement ring so you can propose''

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: (she mentioned proposing at every meet up we had)

anyway he has proposed now so inevitably we will all be summoned soon (if we meet up without her we are keeping her out of the loop unless we text her and ask if she is on nights) and inevitably it will all start again. how do i stop the one upmanship before it becomes even more of a routine we have to endure?

Bazey

Hi SS,

is it actually one upmanship, or someone who is excited about sharing things with you?? I would guess if they took every opportunity to talk about how their job is better paid than yours, holidays are bigger & better etc than that would be frustrating, but being keen to get SKy HD and telling your friends about it hardly seems like bragging/getting one up.

As for wanting to get engaged...we're are all that age now where people are settling down/wanting to settle down.

I may be totally off the mark, but from what you have written that's how I'm seeing it...I could be wrong and she could be a suckubus sent here to destroy your mate!! :rotfl:

pigpen

start mentioning you are having vajazzling with real stones and having real gold fillings.. and her long awaited ring is just like the one that was reduced to £1.99 in argos

I'd be unable to keep smiling and nodding .. could be why I have very few friends..

Remind them it is not a competition or a bragging contest.. or just ignore the materialistic comments and talk about other things.

split_second

we only get told about something if its bigger or better than what anyone else has lol

split_second

pigpen wrote: »

start mentioning you are having vajazzling with real stones and having real gold fillings.

i found out what that was the other night :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

i'm male btw

C_Mababejive

Couldnt be arsed even bothering about it. If it keeps them happy,fine...what else is there in life anyway but materialism?

euronorris

Honestly....ignore it. It's only one upmanship if it gets to you. She'll soon get bored if no one else cares, and even if she doesn't, so what, no one else will care.

Take solace in the fact that she places too high a value on material things.

Bazey

how long has your friend and partner been together??

If it is fairly recent, then it is fairly normal for them to act like smug marrieds, everything they do is still exciting and fresh ("hey look at myexciting piece of dining room furniture"...um... yeah....it's like the nicest table I have ever seen !?)

give it just a little more time and this will soon subside to the normal levels of tedium and mediocrity experienced in most normal relationships :rotfl:

[Deleted User]

Haven't got tooo much of an answer but i do think people that compete/compare themselves to you are basically quite insecure and they comfort themselves by telling you how much things cost or how great their children are doing compared to others etc.

I get a lot of this from an acquantance, who i've gradually backed away from, unfortunately its likely in september our children will be in the same class, so it will start again. She is a pushy mum and her children have to be the best academically and she likes to ask how mine are doing so she compare. I've decided to become quite vague about it all and brush it off, hoping she'll get the message. My kids have talents that lie elsewhere and as long as they are happy and trying their best, i'm not bothered by their academic success.

split_second

Bazey wrote: »

how long has your friend and partner been together??

If it is fairly recent, then it is fairly normal for them to act like smug marrieds, everything they do is still exciting and fresh ("hey look at myexciting piece of dining room furniture"...um... yeah....it's like the nicest table I have ever seen !?)

give it just a little more time and this will soon subside to the normal levels of tedium and mediocrity experienced in most normal relationships :rotfl:

they met at college about 7 years ago and got together 4 years ago, moved in together about 18 months ago.

Bazey

split_second wrote: »

they met at college about 7 years ago and got together 4 years ago, moved in together about 18 months ago.

just moved in together....I see!!

do you and your buddy get to hook up alone or without partners at least?? If he is a good friend then perhaps you should have a quiet word when she is not around and tell him you find her behaviour challenging...

some people don't realise how off putting their behaviour can be, and would be grateful for someone to discretely tell them...:cool:;)