how to deal with one upmanship from friends?

split_second

i darent mention i shop at home bargains too and i spotted my christmas present in there for £1.99

pearl123

Perhaps, try and find something to talk about with your friends that is not mometary. If it was me I would go out of my way to about things that cost nothing at all - but mean the world. I would personally try and look extreemly bored when being shown their latest gadget, latest holiday etc.

ailuro2

Sit back and ignore it, there are things in life that money can't buy, like a happy relationship, clever kids, big appendages for blokes....

since they don't seem to have the first or the second, what's he trying to make up for?:rotfl:

heretolearn_2

Just ignore it. It's an insecurity thing.

I remember going to visit someone for dinner when I was a little kid, with my parents of course, who was rather posh and 'a cut above' our family. She had a beautiful Turkish rug hanging on display on the wall, which she showed to us, and we all politely admired. ...then my dad found the price tag (high of course) still attached to it quite obviously and we all collapsed in laughter...obviously left on to impress but had quite the opposite effect. Since then 'price tag on the back' has been a family joke about this type of person.

patchwork_cat

I think that you are projecting. We are all only going on one incident and a lot of things can be seen as boasting, which they may or may not be. Am I right in infering that you are 7 years older than the others? If so do you expect that you should be the one on more money?

For example I have been worried about my 18 year old son who is taking a levels and hopefully going to uni in October. When he had his offers for uni in I posted on facebook, because I was relieved and wanted to share. My DH said it could be seen as boasting, but I was just relieved and proud. Part of this is because I have always thought he was clever, but for his school career he has been overlooked as he is quiet. I didn't post on FB about the fact that one Uni were so impressed that they sent him 2 letters, one standard and one specifically from his interviewers addressed to his nickname! saying how much they hoped he would come to them.

MrsWoolfe

Lol, we have some similar friends though in our case they both do this to different extents.

She has been obsessed with getting married and having babies since they met (the "i want to get married" talk started about 8mths in) bearing in mind we were all still students at that point and they were around 21ish...

This carried on for many years with him insisting that he didn't want to get married for a long time- until we (me and DH) got engaged- we are the youngest in our group most of them are 3-5 yrs older, but me and DH had been together for 5yrs at that point and knew it was the right thing and were v happy about it!...everyone else congratulated us apart from her...she took me aside and said " you know it's really nice for you and everything, but you must know how bad you are making me feel, you have what I want"..and there began the endless comparing and smugness....within a few months of our engagement J finally proposed, then it was the rings ( my DH chose my favourite stone peridot rather than a diamond- I was delighted it shows how well he knows me I'd only wear a diamond if I could source where it had come from and that was out of our price range at the time) but she had to keep pointing out that hers was platinum and a REAL diamond - meh I really couldn't care less!

now absolutely EVERYTHING we do is up for comparison- we bought our first home and we love it- modest little 2 bed house on a hill, near some gorgeous countryside but close enough to our friends and main town, we are so happy decorating and finding random things that we can adapt and make our home lovely. But it does wind me up sometimes when they insist on asking how much something cost- I'm always vague but WHY do they need to know???

Needless to say they bought a four-bed detached house as their first buy in the more expensive area of where we live and enjoy telling us how much it cost and how much they are paying out each month yada yada yada.

I tend to see it as them being insecure in what they are doing- they seem to need everyone to be doing what they are or at least want what they are doing to feel good about it.

I personally love that fact that we are all so different- totally different jobs, some in IT/Programming some scientists, some teachers, some in finance, some writers, etc etc some of us have bought houses, others house share/rent one lives in a random commune type deal in a converted warehouse in london which is awesome- lots of artists and musicians sharing space. I think that's what makes our group so much fun to be around.

As long as you are happy with your life and choices then so what if they want to compare? Does it make you less happy if they do? if it really bugs you then make a comment back- e.g. showing off how much they've spent? Say you saw a simlar chair/table/etc elsewhere or say how much you prefer vintage furniture "don't make them like that now"

I'll admit I did eventually get sick of the ring comments- one I didn't get a ring straight away- not for months later as DH wanted to find exactly the right thing- and two I felt like it was an attack on my DH like because he didn't spend as much (in their eyes) he didn't value me as much (:mad:!!!!!!?!)...so I went into detail explaining why I feel strongly about knowing where diamonds have come from and explaining that I just wouldn't have felt happy wearing one unless I could be sure...from the slightly sick expression I think I made my point!:o

sometimes I get wound up by the comparisons but most of the time I just smile and nod and don't pay attention- at the end of the day despite their little quirks they are good friends and lovely people if they need that extra re-assurance to feel good? well that's not so big a deal is it?


MrsWoolfe

split_second

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I think that you are projecting. We are all only going on one incident and a lot of things can be seen as boasting, which they may or may not be. Am I right in infering that you are 7 years older than the others? If so do you expect that you should be the one on more money?

i'm 4 years older than the males and 5 years older than my friend's fiance, i met them as i worked with the males, we all do similar jobs (me, the two other blokes and my gf), my friend's fiance has a specialised job which i cant post on here

bylromarha

Don't respond when you feel they're bragging. They have nowhere to go then.

Or, if it gets really annoying, have some fun ... "why are you so crazy to pay £1000 for that item from John Lewis, when I got an identical one from Tesco for 20p?"

If it gets frustrating, maybe it's time to slowly back out of the group.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Don't stress yourself. Chances are he will have dumped her for someone 5 years younger and twice as smart within the next year.

pearl123

To be honest people who go on about money related stuff (what they've got and what they are doing) - I've alway thought are rather tacky and tasteless. The is the term, nouveau riche and it's not necessarily complimentary ! You can't buy refinement or good taste!