13 Moons part 2 - Freebird & Frugabulous

Lula-Hula

Just in case anyone happened to see a woman wearing nothing but a spotty dressing gown & a pair of flowery wellies crouching in the bushes in the early hours of monday morning ... I can reassure you that it is not an escapee from asylum.

Said (stylishly dressed) woman was releasing a mouse back into the wild, having spent the best part of an hour balancing a fridge in one hand whilst trying to catch a mouse in a yoghurt pot with the other.

She had been rudely awakened at 1.30 am by the sounds of her cat leaping about in a frenzy. On rising to investigate what the f*** was going on ( having first selected the most appropriate wear for the occasion) she discovered that the excited cat was chasing a live mouse about the hall.

She leapt into action by throwing the cat in the bathroom & chasing the mouse with the nearest item to hand - yoghurt pot. A tense game of cat & mouse followed, during which it became apparent that the mouse was far better at being ... well, a mouse, than the woman was at being a cat ( although she'd quite like to see just how good the cat is at balancing a fridge on its edge with one paw ) The mouse eventually tired of the game & slowed down enough to enable the woman to catch it in the yoghurt pot ( and be both in awe of & slightly embarassed at just how dusty the land behind the fridge is).

The victorious woman then stumbled down the stairs in her wellies - good choice as it was chucking it down - & then released the mouse into the bushes at the side of the house.

On returing inside she opened the bathroom door to see that the cat had completely forgotten about the mouse & was now delighting in having the whole bathroom sink to sit in whilst he drank the drips from the tap completely unhindered. (He would quite like to see the woman achieve that).

The cat nonchalantly strolled back to the kitchen, finished off last night's dinner & then decide to head outside for a bit more action.

The woman shut & locked the cat flap firmly behind him, de dusted the land behind the fridge & crawled back into her bed, exhausted but impressed at her hitherto unknown acrobatic skills.

Karmacat

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

:kisses3: Absolutely priceless!

:coffee: Have a strong cup of coffee - you'll need it after those shenanigans :A

And as for the sundress - you're in positive wealth territory, you have two jobs plus lots of survey work - the odd sundress is really essential to showcase your magnificence :kisses3:

I know we need the rain - its nice not to have to be a weightlifter - but I'd really got used to counting on the big yellow thing ....

Wordsmith

No, sorry. You nearly had me believing, but lady clearly was an escapee - who else would dust behind the fridge at 2.30 a.m. (or even 2.30 p.m. in the land of Wordsmiths)? I hope it's not someone you know well!

PS Iced buns don't count as cake, so you are safe.

RosaBernicia

:rotfl::rotfl:

Don't worry, she'll probably be taken to the same place as the woman in jeans who was spotted talking to a mousetrap in a local field last summer - eventually hostage-release style negotiations persuaded the mouse to exit. It was a bit taken aback after the otherwise completely unnecessary car journey, but the woman thought this was probably a better option than undertaking the exercise in the local park and causing shrieks of "muuuuum that lady's let a rat out"!

Mind you 2.30 am fridge dusting gets you put in a special wing.

Rosa xx

Lula-Hula

Thank you all for the confirmation that de dusting behind the fridge is not normal behaviour .

It was not a peaceful night; at 4 am there was a constant banging noise on the front door that sounded as though the cat had employed the use of a battering ram to hammer the cat flap open.

Opening the front door revealed that it was in fact the neighbours cat who appeared to be very miffed that he wasn't able to gain access to his night time supply of free food. I think it needs reminding that actually it doesn't live here & has no right whatsoever to be indignant that the cat flap is closed.

Needless to say no one was leaping out of bed at 6.30 am to perform yoga moves. By 7.30 pulling a sickie was under serious consideration, but the knowledge that Gropey is always foul tempered on a monday anyway, & to be left on his own in the office would be viewed as treason meant I did manage to haul myself in.

He was in a vile mood; The sighs got louder, longer & more dramatic with every minute that passed, but still I didnt' ask him any questions that could potentialy enable him to offload his misery. I let him puff & pant like a stroppy attention seeking 3 year old & ignored him. No doubt the Goblin did all the sympathy & concern & soothing when she arrived bearing his lunch. I was too busy legging it to notice.

Yes, I am a deeply uncaring, cold-hearted cow & no, I don't give a monkeys. I do my job & it doesn't involve being a sycophant to the mad old man in the corner who's having a paddy.

Managed to get through the day & came home to find a couple of hours worth of home-job to do. I ate cake & biccies today - so tired that I needed to keep my sugar up. I will do better tomorrow.

NSD number 4 achieved & looking to get number 5 tomorrow.

Need to get to bed now,
xx

taxi73

Absolutely love the way you write..you're wasted in your job and should be a writer.

Karmacat

What Taxi said is true, you know - you're a fantastic writer, Lula, maybe you could quote for stuff on elance ....well, anyway, I'm sorry Monday was so bad - that sounds a really tough day for you, actually, and on very little sleep.

Take care.
xxx

Wordsmith

^^^^^ They're right, you know.

Your style of writing is ideally suited to a column in one of the weekend papers. Or maybe one of the women's magazines. Copy and paste what you write here, give it a bit of a tidy up, and Bob's your uncle, job done. Why not pick a week's worth, pull it into a "column" and send it out to a few likely contenders. Or you could try your local paper, although anonymity might be a bit of a problem ... you don't want the men in white coats to be able to find you that easily.

Dan29

YES! You could write a book about all your adventures, it'd be fab. I'd buy it!

Karmacat

Those are some great ideas from Wordsmith!