Best way to say no to lending money?

barbiedoll

If OP and her friend have been close for 30 years, I don't see why she just doesn't tell it like it is?

Something along the lines of "I'm not surprised that you're skint when I see the amount that you spend on clothes/mobiles/holidays. You should do what we did and go on that MSE website, they have loads of ideas on how to cut your spending and how to manage your money"

A true friend should be able to say these things. I have done to my sister, in my opinion, it's far more helpful than a loan!

vroombroom

just a simple no. You dont need to give her an excuse.

pigpen

I say no.. you don't need to explain anything.. it is your money

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How about 'No. I won't lend anything because that's our house money.'

If she goes ballistic, then tough luck. It's a stupid person that strops out because someone can't be tapped for cash.


I hated lending money, particularly as the person concerned would take the money 'for milk and nappies', go and get the milk and nappies on tick from the corner shop and spend the money on fags and beer. (found out as they didn't see me in the back of the shop after giving the sob story)

After that, the most they ever got was a toilet roll, half a pint of milk and five teabags if they were 'desperate', as I stopped having cash on me at any time or 'forgot my pin', etc.

They got the hint without taking offence - and went on to scrounge everything off everyone else instead.

Dippypud

The short answer is a 'no'...;)

The long answer is a 'fkuc no'...:o;)

themull1

barbiedoll wrote: »

If OP and her friend have been close for 30 years, I don't see why she just doesn't tell it like it is?

Something along the lines of "I'm not surprised that you're skint when I see the amount that you spend on clothes/mobiles/holidays. You should do what we did and go on that MSE website, they have loads of ideas on how to cut your spending and how to manage your money"

A true friend should be able to say these things. I have done to my sister, in my opinion, it's far more helpful than a loan!

Thats the sort of thing i say!!!

There_Goes_Trouble

heretolearn wrote: »

Also - how does she know you have savings and a decent amount of extra income? You talk to her too much about private matters maybe, your money is your business, not hers.

I have no idea what any of my friends earn or if they have savings or not. Of course, we have a rough idea of relative availability of spare dosh, some people are more likely to say 'no I can't afford to do that' than others, but we don't discuss details. We try to take into account those who are struggling a bit (and if they want to talk about it, ok of course) and will help each other out at times but we OFFER, we don't ask. It's all swings and roundabouts with us, sometimes one person is a bit flush and sometimes it's someone else.

Your situation sounds rather one sided.

I happen to agree with this. I have been friends with my best friend for 32 years, I have no idea what she and her husband earn, and they don't ask me either. They know I have debt and struggle to make ends meet, but not how much debt.

I had a bad month recently and got a bit upset one day. Immediately they offered to lend me money. I declined, because I honestly believe that it's the best way to ruin a friendship (even though I would never go out on a spending spree if I owed them money). Borrowed money has to be paid back and I know that if I struggle now, an additional monthly payment isn't going to help.

To the OP, I would simply say to your friend that your savings are all accounted for, and you don't have any spare to lend. If she asks for any more detail than that I would simply say it's not something you want to discuss with her, it's private.

Pollycat

I really do hope that your friend doesn't put you in the awkward position of having to refuse to loan her money (and, imho, you really DO have to say 'no') but if she does, I'd tell her that your money is tied up for considerable time in the future.

Do offer to help her budget and reduce her outgoings, but I'm not sure she'll take the advice.
If you think your friendship will take it, I'd ask her how she can be having difficulty paying for food when she's still buying clothes.

Until she & her OH have their own LBM, there's probably not a lot you can do to help.

LMCD

Hi..

I asked my best mate for a loan of money. it was to get me out of my overdraft and knew I could repay her weekly until it was away (very quickly) and that I would be able to manage my overdraft alot better...she said she would look at her money....she never got back to me so I assumed the answer was no (duh) and I actually felt bad I asked her for a loan of the money. So it was left at that and we are still good friends.

OP if your friend is your friend, she will be your friend even if you say no, you know her better than anyone.

I'd always known I wanted to get out of debt...but found it hard to see how - it wasn't until I took over the home finances and put all the money together that I realised how much better off we'd be if I just knuckled down and got it paid off.. maybe you could offer to budget with your friend and she will sit down and you could help her have her LBM.

Best of luck.

Pollycat

LCDM
I don't think it was particularly nice of your friend not to get back to you to actually say 'no' but maybe you put her in a more difficult situation than you realised by asking for a loan.

I think they key issue here is that the OP's friend is not budgetting wisely and her priorities seem to be in the wrong order (i.e. expensive phone contracts, spending money on clothes instead of food).
From what the OP says, I wouldn't trust her to use any loan wisely and for that reason alone, I'd say 'no'.

Until she can understand that she needs to live within a budget - even if that means going without something she wants i.e. a new dress so she can pay for something she needs i.e. food, any loan would be a waste of time (and money).