Best way to say no to lending money?

C_Mababejive

Ermmm...just say no?

Simples. Why should you be made to feel bad or guilty? Your not responsible for her or her finances.

I always say that the best place to go for a loan is the bank. If they wont lend it then why TF should I?

If you lose a friend over it..so be it.

iceicebaby

I'd just say sorry the money you have is budgeted for and you don't have any to lend her.

ilovecheese

Once again thanks!

I hope eventually she does have a LB moment, because they cannot carry on spending what they do not have! They have already re-mortaged 3 times, paid of CC debt then racked it all up again, In the past 10 years I think they have overspent by £70,000.

But after being in debt for 30 years maybe they see it as "normal" I don't know.

I will make sure I am a shoulder to cry on, and have already offered any Sunday to help with a car boot sale, and I will offer to help her do a "proper" budget, but apart from that I will just have to wait until she "wakes up and smells the coffee"

Once again thanks all for the replies.

heretolearn_2

Also - how does she know you have savings and a decent amount of extra income? You talk to her too much about private matters maybe, your money is your business, not hers.

I have no idea what any of my friends earn or if they have savings or not. Of course, we have a rough idea of relative availability of spare dosh, some people are more likely to say 'no I can't afford to do that' than others, but we don't discuss details. We try to take into account those who are struggling a bit (and if they want to talk about it, ok of course) and will help each other out at times but we OFFER, we don't ask. It's all swings and roundabouts with us, sometimes one person is a bit flush and sometimes it's someone else.

Your situation sounds rather one sided.

Fang_3

heretolearn wrote: »

Also - how does she know you have savings and a decent amount of extra income? You talk to her too much about private matters maybe, your money is your business, not hers.

I have no idea what any of my friends earn or if they have savings or not. Of course, we have a rough idea of relative availability of spare dosh, some people are more likely to say 'no I can't afford to do that' than others, but we don't discuss details. We try to take into account those who are struggling a bit (and if they want to talk about it, ok of course) and will help each other out at times but we OFFER, we don't ask. It's all swings and roundabouts with us, sometimes one person is a bit flush and sometimes it's someone else.

Your situation sounds rather one sided.

Judgemental much?

I think it would be strange for any friends of such long-standing would not know the ins and outs of each other's lives.

threemuttleys

Just say no. You dont need to lie. If she asks why, just tell her straight.

harsh, but make make her see sense

ilovecheese

Heretolearn

We have a very close friendship, she knows what salary I earn, and she knows how much I pay in rent. The same way I know what she and OH earn and how much their mortgage is, I thought that is what frienships are about! I don't show her my banks statements or my wages slips, but we are aware of each others finances.

We have been friends for over 30 years, so there are very few secrets between us.

twi1ight

If you don't feel comfortably saying a flat "no" out loud, then don't lie but you could say "I'm not in a position to help you right now but I've been in tight money situations before and am happy to sit down with you and figure out where you could make changes."

sashadesade

This is why I never talk to anyone about what I have in my bank accounts. If I was in your situation, I would try preempting her by offering to help her work out a budget. If she went on and asked for the loan anyway, I'd tell her the truth - no, I don't think you're responsible enough with money. But then I'm pretty blunt!

teabag29

I'm afraid i'd take the wimps way out and tell a fib as im no good at saying no lol. I'd get in there first before she asked to borrow it and say you've lent your mum some money for such and such or something along those lines. Im such a coward lol