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Is she really disabled?

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Comments

  • fifitrix123
    fifitrix123 Posts: 346 Forumite
    Yep ur rite about the travelling, but I thought it is better to have people around her rather than better to be alone in a field but get wot u mean.

    Plus she says she is not allowed to go by bus and then travels on a bus alone on a regular basis so really that is her own fault and also a tad naughtly claiming you cannot travel by public transport and claiming for taxis then getting public transport anyway and putting everyone else at risk having to look after her if she does have a episode as in my work I was told not to even stop when someone collapsed or anything incase we got sued for helping them which has happened but of course we would not ever leave anyone who needed help like that so its swings and roundabouts as to what to do really.

    Similarly if she has an episode when I am driving her or out with her then it is me who looks after her but don't really know what to do and she doesn't know what to tell me to do either, so what if I do the wrong thing and try waking her up and that is wrong?

    I have just got what SIL is so a bit slow gettin the jist of this illness.

    I didn't know it can be turned into full epilepsy and hadn't thought of it as fatal and could cause loss of oxygen. My childhood friend has had epilepsy since we were at infants school and went really well with no fits for nearly 3 years and trained to be a nurse and wanting her licence back and then had another fit just before 3 years were up it was awful for her and I really feel sorry for her after all her hard work.

    Thanks for trying to explain tho than gettin on that really high horse some seem to have....:beer:

    Are you likely to absently stumble in front of a number 74 bus after you have an absence seizure whilst on the bus, miss your stop, not quite know where you are, what you are doing and where you are going?

    Could you be noticed by a predatory person as you have an absence seizure on the bus, followed home still disorientated and then robbed?

    Could you fall off the bus and break your ankle because you are still dizzy from an earlier absence seizure?


    Notwithstanding the fact that she should be paying her way, she is undoubtedly disabled - including if the absences are triggered by emotional stress. Not only is she less likely to hurt herself tripping on grass, the dogs could potentially protect her, she is less likely to encounter the average mugger in a muddy field and she will be more relaxed and less anxious in open places than crammed onto a bus standing up and worried about whether she is going to have another absence.

    In the same way, she may not be convinced that she is having seizures all the time, as she isn't fully conscious during them - that's what defines them. It is therefore reasonable for her to say she doesn't know whether she had them as, without anyone with her all the time, she could have them throughout the day and night without any idea they were happening.

    If there is an element of anxiety contributing towards the seizures, it seems reasonable to me that they could decrease in the knowledge that her husband is going to be around more and she doesn't have to worry about whether she is going to set fire to the house trying to cook dinner (exSIL nearly killed her whole family several times this way - put dinner on, had an absence, came to when the fire brigade were banging on the door), whether she can risk going out to do essential chores such as walking the dogs or buying dog food or seeing the doctor, to see her lovely friends, who help her so much and NEVER talk about her being a fraud behind her back and whether she could in fact get a driving licence and repay them all for their incredible kindness in the past.



    and there is of course always the possibility that absence seizures could be replaced by full blown ones - which can and do kill people even nowdays. The exSIL suddenly started having major seizures after 15 years of solely having absences. Plus a number of admissions for being in status elipticus, (I think that's what it's called) - which is when many people die or are disabled through deprivation of oxygen to the brain.



    So I do think you are being overly harsh on her.
  • .

    Thanks for trying to explain tho than gettin on that really high horse some seem to have....:beer:



    No problem. I had never thought of what it could do to people until I met the ex's sister. Was 'interesting' the first time she had a full blown fit on me when we were out shopping, as I had only seen the absence seizures before - those I just waited for them to pass, then once she was back, just took the conversation back a few minutes.


    I've fainted a few times in public - and found that incredibly scary as you feel so vulnerable - I was worried about going out for ages afterwards, so can't imagine how it would feel to have 'proper' seizures.


    But I wouldn't like to be constantly helping someone out if I felt I wasn't appreciated, though. Perhaps her getting a freedom pass will coincide with a few people finding money a bit too tight to drive the cars - but she could quite easily get both, as they aren't one or the other.

    Hope this is sorted soon.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • A true story.

    1964, French polisher for a big retailer north of England, sitting in the canteen getting my bacon banjo. The canteen was buzzing with the story of ' joe bloggs ' who was getting the sack because he was a ' grand mal fitter '

    The lads would not work with him, he was [ they said ] somewhere between unsafe and frightening. The Union man was a useless wimp, and during the heated discussion I ' blurted ' the blokes ok, your a pack of ****'s - I'll work with him. The manager approached me with the Union man in tow later that day and explained that he was a liability, the customers were afraid of him and his workmates said he was hurting their bonus because of the many times per day he was ' foaming at the mouth '.

    Long story short, I challenged the manager to give him a 13 week chance as my ' van lad ' he offered a month. BTW the man concerned was about 35 plus years old.

    - he did ' foam at the mouth '
    - he did fit at least twice and sometimes six times a day
    - I usually found him behind a couch or bed where he had crawled when he felt the ' aura ' coming on
    - the customers were afraid .. .. until I turned him into a recovery position and put a hankie under his mouth
    - when I explained the situation to them, they were great and made him [ and me ] a cuppa
    - he did more soddin work in an hour than any previous ' van lad ' did in a week, and matched my workrate, he was a good bloke
    - he was ' kept ' on by that company and was still working there more than 10 years after I left their employment

    I met someone from those days about ten years ago and asked about the ' grand mal fitter ' and was told he retired from the company in the middle 90's on a full pension.
    Disclaimer : Everything I write on this forum is my opinion. I try to be an even-handed poster and accept that you at times may not agree with these opinions or how I choose to express them, this is not my problem. The Disabled : If years cannot be added to their lives, at least life can be added to their years - Alf Morris - ℜ
  • birkee
    birkee Posts: 1,933 Forumite
    Much discussion on disability or not disability, but few pick up the point.

    The person concerned is an unpleasant USER, and is not a friend in the accepted sense.
    Let her get on with it and avoid her. User / abuser, little difference.
  • Mojo_Fones
    Mojo_Fones Posts: 66 Forumite
    A true story.

    1964, French polisher for a big retailer north of England, sitting in the canteen getting my bacon banjo. The canteen was buzzing with the story of ' joe bloggs ' who was getting the sack because he was a ' grand mal fitter '

    The lads would not work with him, he was [ they said ] somewhere between unsafe and frightening. The Union man was a useless wimp, and during the heated discussion I ' blurted ' the blokes ok, your a pack of ****'s - I'll work with him. The manager approached me with the Union man in tow later that day and explained that he was a liability, the customers were afraid of him and his workmates said he was hurting their bonus because of the many times per day he was ' foaming at the mouth '.

    Long story short, I challenged the manager to give him a 13 week chance as my ' van lad ' he offered a month. BTW the man concerned was about 35 plus years old.

    - he did ' foam at the mouth '
    - he did fit at least twice and sometimes six times a day
    - I usually found him behind a couch or bed where he had crawled when he felt the ' aura ' coming on
    - the customers were afraid .. .. until I turned him into a recovery position and put a hankie under his mouth
    - when I explained the situation to them, they were great and made him [ and me ] a cuppa
    - he did more soddin work in an hour than any previous ' van lad ' did in a week, and matched my workrate, he was a good bloke
    - he was ' kept ' on by that company and was still working there more than 10 years after I left their employment

    I met someone from those days about ten years ago and asked about the ' grand mal fitter ' and was told he retired from the company in the middle 90's on a full pension.

    So your point is that people who have fits can do a job just as well as - or better than - anyone else?
  • Richie-from-the-Boro
    Richie-from-the-Boro Posts: 6,945 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 30 March 2011 at 12:50PM
    Mojo_Fones wrote: »
    So your point is that people who have fits can do a job just as well as - or better than - anyone else?

    No .. .. some epileptics will never be capable of doing the job at all. In the same way that some able bodied non-epileptic individuals will never ever be able to do the job.

    The point(s) I was making was that :

    .1.

    - society in general
    - individuals in that society
    - company productivity needs
    - individual's PBR systems
    - H&S rules
    - all converge to make it difficult or impossible to enter / remain in / the ' world of work '

    .2.

    - it only takes one individual
    - or one company
    - to stand up for the disabled
    - and give them a fair chance measured against the able bodied benchmark


    At the end of the day the ' grand mal fitter ' in this case, would at his personnel review, have been considered worthy of a full time contract or dismissed. The bottom line is he did it himself, although I was capable of doing the work of two men and would have done so, he was not carried by me, or by an especially lax set of rules for the disabled. As an aside, he had a problem and knew what others said about him, he knew he was slowing the job down and he compensated by doing twice the work at twice the speed of anyone else. He made sure that he had enough workrate ' banked ' in advance to make up for his next incident.

    I like many in society at that time had the view that whilst I might feel sorry for the bloke he was disabled and that was not my problem. I made it my problem and I changed my view on the disabled. I've met many useless whining disabled people in my time who want society to kiss their a$$ and pay for everything, but then I've met as many whining able bodied people who want society to kiss their a$$ and pay for everything.
    Disclaimer : Everything I write on this forum is my opinion. I try to be an even-handed poster and accept that you at times may not agree with these opinions or how I choose to express them, this is not my problem. The Disabled : If years cannot be added to their lives, at least life can be added to their years - Alf Morris - ℜ
  • screamer
    screamer Posts: 1,104 Forumite
    edited 30 March 2011 at 2:10PM
    I suffer with both non epileptic seizures and Epilepsy so I feel a bit special, and probably the best to comment on this thread. I have a mental disorder called Depersonalisation Disorder which causes the seizures, and that type of seizure I've suffered with since I was little but was diagnosed with Epilepsy just 2 and a half years ago thanks to Video Telemetry.

    To those who are offended by the OP asking if it's just a mental thing, NEADS usually is psychological, Epilepsy is a physical thing. Unfortunately, NEADS rarely has a cure so is classed as being worse than Epilepsy just because there is no medication for it. It manifests itself the same way as Epilepsy. In both cases driving is not encouraged until seizure free for a certain time but I do know someone who still drives regardless of the damage they could cause (well, that's their lookout not mine, nothing I can do to change his mind). NEADS is equally as scary for the sufferer and the family/carers of the sufferer and injuries are just as likely with NEADS as it is with Epilepsy. I did post a long winded rant but deleted it because it seems that no one has picked up on the fact that although both illnesses seem the same, they have different causes.

    Your mate might very well be taking you for a ride, and I'd be having words but at the same time I know I rely on other people, and benefits, to keep me going on a day to day basis. I do suffer with Anxiety too but my way round that is to stay in my own little world when out and about. I do walk for miles and miles alone because sometimes I have no other choice. I have no friends in this area, my family are miles away and my OH works full time. I have a dog that needs walking, I still have to attend hospitals, dentists, doctors on a very regular basis and my OH cannot take time off all the time so I have to deal with it alone.

    Fifi, you might have trouble with mobility but you can't compare that to having a serious mental illness that comes on at any time, with no warning, and is so obviously misunderstood. That tells me that you're in the "You can't be disabled because I can't see your disability with my own eyes" category. I have lost count of the number of times I've been asked if I'm drunk or on drugs by medical professionals simply because my blood pressure/heart rate is not as it should be after a seizure. My seizures happen when I'm tired, stressed, in pain, or when my head is telling my body it's under threat. I just shut down. I don't talk, I don't walk, I just lose consciousness, I drop where I am and I stay there until I'm in a position where I feel safe again. This can take DAYS to get better. My last attacks were 3 weeks ago and it was only yesterday that I finally left the house alone. I don't feel it's fair of you to ask if this person should be on benefits, or should even have a bus pass or "passport to leisure" (that's what my pass is called) because you clearly don't understand the illness or the complexities surrounding it.

    As a sufferer, I myself don't know the difference between an Epilepsy seizure and a non epileptic seizure. The reason I will never work again is simply because I suffer with both. The simple stress of not reaching a particular goal could kill me, so work is totally out of the question. These illnesses have caused other problems for me, like depression (you try finding fun out of staring at the same 4 walls week in week out with no friends, family or support from anyone).

    The DWP are unaware of my Depersonalisation disorder simply because I don't need to make my life any more complicated as it is. I read too many threads on here about how people with Epilepsy should still be able to work so feel bad enough that I get lower rate care and mobility. All I know is that I received DLA when I was working so even if I get switched to ESA, my income cannot and will not get any lower because I'm in a worse situation medically than what I was when I last had to renew my claim. If I can find a job where the boss doesn't care if I black out and wet myself on a bad day over a very trivial matter, one that doesn't care that I need regular time off for hospital and doctors appointments, one that doesn't mind that I have absence seizures several times a day therefore cannot even respond to a simple question, I will snatch their hands off :-) And let's not forget the side effects from my meds (for Epilepsy, not DPD) or the fact that my moods, attitude and my memory are also affected by my illnesses. I'm a mess of epic proportions, but I really do have no other choice but to get on with life.

    NEADS is no different to Epilepsy really, only medication cannot and will not control it. NEADS also doesn't lead to Epilepsy. I don't know where that came from but it's rubbish. If someone has NEADS and was on epilepsy meds for it due to a very common misdiagnosis, they will be taken off it. The withdrawal may very well cause an epileptic seizure but it does not mean they will have Epilepsy, and they most certainly won't develop it. You either have Epilepsy or you don't.

    OP, I believe it was Jojo who stated that an absence could develop into a full blown seizure. Jojo is not saying that a non epileptic will have en epileptic seizure, I believe she was trying to say that an absence seizure is different to a grand mal, and that a grand mal can follow an absence seizure. These are TYPES OF SEIZURES, not types of Epilepsy.
    Yaaay, I finally conned a man into making a honest woman of me. Even more shocking is that I can put the words "Happily" and "Married" into the same sentence and not have life insurance on my mind when I say it ;-)
  • grapefruitandmango
    grapefruitandmango Posts: 34 Forumite
    edited 30 March 2011 at 1:33PM
    do you know what sickens me .. is that theres people on this forum who try too turn the disability and dosh section into a witch hunt ; well ime disgusted with the people who do this ; not everyone has a visible disability ;this forum is about everyone pulling together and helping each other out ;not about ripping each other apart just becase he gets this and she gets that ... but i dont and its not fair.. some friend being nasty behind her back then smilling and chatting too her face
  • karenmay33
    karenmay33 Posts: 167 Forumite
    this Disabled Forum has a lot of nasty members viewing it, who are quick to pass judgement on the OP by not reading reading it properly and thinking you are taking a pop at every person on disability benefit, regardless the disability. Ignore them...
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