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Is she really disabled?

13

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  • Her "fits" don't make her collapse, fall down or anything she just puts her head in her hands and stares for a couple of minutes and then is fine but I can understand why this would be dangerous to drive but not to travel on buses?

    Are you likely to absently stumble in front of a number 74 bus after you have an absence seizure whilst on the bus, miss your stop, not quite know where you are, what you are doing and where you are going?

    Could you be noticed by a predatory person as you have an absence seizure on the bus, followed home still disorientated and then robbed?

    Could you fall off the bus and break your ankle because you are still dizzy from an earlier absence seizure?


    Notwithstanding the fact that she should be paying her way, she is undoubtedly disabled - including if the absences are triggered by emotional stress. Not only is she less likely to hurt herself tripping on grass, the dogs could potentially protect her, she is less likely to encounter the average mugger in a muddy field and she will be more relaxed and less anxious in open places than crammed onto a bus standing up and worried about whether she is going to have another absence.

    In the same way, she may not be convinced that she is having seizures all the time, as she isn't fully conscious during them - that's what defines them. It is therefore reasonable for her to say she doesn't know whether she had them as, without anyone with her all the time, she could have them throughout the day and night without any idea they were happening.

    If there is an element of anxiety contributing towards the seizures, it seems reasonable to me that they could decrease in the knowledge that her husband is going to be around more and she doesn't have to worry about whether she is going to set fire to the house trying to cook dinner (exSIL nearly killed her whole family several times this way - put dinner on, had an absence, came to when the fire brigade were banging on the door), whether she can risk going out to do essential chores such as walking the dogs or buying dog food or seeing the doctor, to see her lovely friends, who help her so much and NEVER talk about her being a fraud behind her back and whether she could in fact get a driving licence and repay them all for their incredible kindness in the past.



    and there is of course always the possibility that absence seizures could be replaced by full blown ones - which can and do kill people even nowdays. The exSIL suddenly started having major seizures after 15 years of solely having absences. Plus a number of admissions for being in status elipticus, (I think that's what it's called) - which is when many people die or are disabled through deprivation of oxygen to the brain.



    So I do think you are being overly harsh on her.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • I think most of the responders are missing the primary point of fifitrix123 post. The O/Ps' rant is because the so called friend's demands are becoming an intolerable burden.

    The group seem to have seized upon the friend and the NEADS issue. This is a subordinate part of the rant. It might be more fruitful to consider the the O/P's needs. The situation is that the help [ custom & practice ] willingly offered say 5 or 10 years ago, is not ok now. The requirements of the friend imposed on the O/P have themselves become a real or perceived burden [ physical - financial - emotional ] now.

    My suggestion to fifitrix123 is that you should re-consider the real value of the relationship with your friend, if your friendship is long standing and really so important to you sit together, talk through issues [ on both sides ] that are creating a problem, and if necessary lay down your rules, those rules that you feel comfortable with. The word when constructing those rules is ' reasonable '

    It would be a great shame to end a friendship that may have endured for decades but that is what you may need to do. All individuals have parts of their personality that are imperfect, most of us accept shortcomings in a friend that we would never tolerate in anyone who was not close to us. You decide what's best for you.

    fifitrix123, having a ' pop ' at the validity your friends DLA status was a wrong thing to do, I'm sure you are aware of that hence the fact that you have made no posts since.

    The primary facts in your rant are that you are the giver and your friend is the taker, your friend my not even be aware that this is the case, speak to her and if you are unable to resolve your differences go for an amicable divorce.
    Disclaimer : Everything I write on this forum is my opinion. I try to be an even-handed poster and accept that you at times may not agree with these opinions or how I choose to express them, this is not my problem. The Disabled : If years cannot be added to their lives, at least life can be added to their years - Alf Morris - ℜ
  • fifitrix123 - Last Activity: Yesterday 9:35 PM - reading this thread
    Disclaimer : Everything I write on this forum is my opinion. I try to be an even-handed poster and accept that you at times may not agree with these opinions or how I choose to express them, this is not my problem. The Disabled : If years cannot be added to their lives, at least life can be added to their years - Alf Morris - ℜ
  • 7roland8
    7roland8 Posts: 3,601 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Interesting! I would say if someone feels they are being taken advatage of - they have the solution in teir own hands - just say 'no' - or at least cut down the 'help' you offer.
    Perhaps your friend is taking advantage - but you are all colluding and letting it happen. Set your own boundaries.
    However I would not like to think my friends would have to resort to this type of query about me. You have al allowed this to happen - so are all as 'guilty' as your friend.
    Be honest - and only give lifts when convenient - and yes - she should be contributing towards petrol.
    Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. -- Sally Koch
  • kaya
    kaya Posts: 2,465 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    go get yourself a life instead of poking your nose into other peoples
  • Tehya
    Tehya Posts: 501 Forumite
    I think most of the responders are missing the primary point of fifitrix123 post. The O/Ps' rant is because the so called friend's demands are becoming an intolerable burden.

    Richie you're probably right but messageboards are probably the worse place to come and have a rant especially one that reads like the OP.

    I think most people, including me, were actually responding to her primary question though, which is also the name of the thread i.e. Is she really disabled?

    If the OP wants help on how to deal with an over-demanding friend then really she should have stated that and not called into question the issue of seizures and disability.
  • If you were questioning my disability to such an extent on a messageboard instead of to my face, I think I'd be the one doing the ignoring/cutting off ...
  • fifitrix123
    fifitrix123 Posts: 346 Forumite
    WATTDALLAS Thanks for that as I think there is a tad of that going on but if she gets caught its her own fault as she did ask about telling a few porkies to get more money and I just advised on your own head be it.

    As other for the replies I think some are gettin on high horse here as the reason I was asking some questions is so we can understand the condition better.
    For instance if someone tells me they are not allowed to use public transport then I will gladly help out with lifts but then see them on local buses all the time alone then I would like to know the difference.
    Similarly when we are told she cannot be alone several have rushed to help out and then she will go walking for miles alone which makes us think, what are we doing here?
    The reason I haven't replied is I don't sit here all day waiting for replies I only log on once a day.
    She says her fits don't affect her life and she knows when she is going to have one so this is the reason I didn't know why she can't travel alone and I have asked her and she didn't know hence trying to find out.
    As for being a mental thing again I am not calling her mental just trying to find out the difference and if it is a mental thing without having to trawl a load of websites I dont understand.
    Yes she does take the mickey out of people driving her so we are going to tell her she needs to help out as we cannot afford to be her unpaid taxis and if she gets a bus pass which she wants then she can get on the bus as she can do when she wants too but I doubt they will pay her DLA for taxis and a bus pass but if she wants to try it then it is up to her but she may lose out.
  • fifitrix123
    fifitrix123 Posts: 346 Forumite
    says she nosing on a forum

    kaya wrote: »
    go get yourself a life instead of poking your nose into other peoples

  • As other for the replies I think some are gettin on high horse here as the reason I was asking some questions is so we can understand the condition better

    Do you mean we (as in us here) or you?

    If you mean you want to understand the condition, why don't you just ask her?

    :)
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