Elderly father possibly victim of con artists. What to do?

sarahs999

melancholly wrote: »

well, one of the side effects of long term alcoholism is failing memory/judgement, particularly problems with carrying out intended plans.....

it sounds like you need to have a difficult conversation with him... it may end up being a row and it may have a long term impact on your relationship. however, doing nothing isn't an option and you have to think about what's best for him rather than what will make for an easier life.... seen it happen at close quarters with dementia and it's hard, really hard. Bronnie sums it up - you are now the 'parent' in the relationship.

if you're not ready to have a big talk, there are small scale changes you can make. it seems strange to me that you don't have a set of keys for his house (it may just be my family where we all have keys to each other's homes?). as your mother's death was so recent, was everything to do with that arranged properly (informing banks etc)? would that be a way in to starting to help.

We do have a set of keys. We couldn't get in because he'd put the latch down.

property.advert

Sounds like a need for power of attorney and interviews for some form of old folks home.

margaretclare

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Yep, I just used the fancy medical term in my post (I do apologise for not clicking on your link first) to differentiate between 'standard' dementia/Alzheimers and the alcoholism caused variety.

Linked to frequent alcohol withdrawals and/or vitamin B deficiencies caused by excessive consumption of alcohol, especially when drinking in preference to eating properly.

(in case anyone doesn't want to click on Errata's very helpful link)

Thanks for this information. I knew that alcohol abuse could cause a type of dementia through damaging the brain, but I didn't know what it was called.

However, alcohol abuse affects every organ in the body, notably the liver and kidneys as well as the brain. So, not surprising that dad is in hospital. Because alcoholics are so good at deceiving everyone around them, it takes a while for someone meeting him for the first time to suss out what is wrong. However, surely blood tests have been taken - liver and kidney function tests as a basic?

sarahs999

liver is, astonishingly, fine. I can see my mother raising her eyebrows right now....

Kidney not, but then he hasn't had enough fluids.

margaretclare

Not surprising about lack of fluids. Many older people are in the habit of not drinking enough. Cups of tea etc, but drinking water is, from what I've seen, not something they think about.

What IS surprising is that the liver is 'fine'. The liver is the first organ to be affected, because it has to deal with, and detox, everything that goes through it.

I've been watching Jeremy Kyle's morning surgery, where he gets doctors on there to discuss specific problems. He had a young guy on there recently who has liver enlargement due to his habit of drinking 6 litres of strong cider a day. The liver does have the ability to regenerate itself and recover - it's the only organ in the body that has - but only after stopping alcohol and detoxing!

The suggestion from property.advert above of power of attorney and an old folks' home - (a) he's already refused to consider power of attorney and (b) old folks' home - a confirmed alcoholic living at close quarters with other people who're not alcoholics and have problems of their own? Not a good idea.

Bronnie

I truly understand it's not easy because of work and family commitments, but I would suggest you probably need to take a couple of days family leave from work to get up there and stay over to really try and assess the situation thoroughly, speak to people face to face and try and really sort this out whilst he's in hospital.

Before you know it, he could conceivably be discharged from hospital and sent back home and you'd be back to square one. Now is your opportunity.

patchwork_cat

In chronic alcoholism the LFT's may not be raised, although not usually, have they taken his prothrombin time? Does he have any other markers, swollen abdomen (ascites) etc. Alternatively does he actually drink as much as you think?

meritaten

Everyone has this elderly gent diagnosed with Alcoholism. Doesnt sound like it to me tbh. sounds more like depression due to bereavement. and Loneliness - dont forget that! on paper he has an active social life - but, for most he will be the old duffer who sits at the bar...........sad! and he isnt stupid and will know that! if people befriend him and take an interest in him - then he is ripe for the plucking!

brummiebabe

I would talk to the hospital Social Worker or your local Social Services Dept, re: a safeguarding referral - they would then be able to further investigate your concerns and take further action, if appropriate. He is a vulnerable adult/older adult so that comes under their remit. It may be that they discover it is his spending on alcohol, but they should be able to then signpost you/him to appropriate services to get help.

It's a very difficult situation for you, especially being an only child. I wish you all the best with it.

margaretclare

brummiebabe wrote: »

I would talk to the hospital Social Worker or your local Social Services Dept, re: a safeguarding referral - they would then be able to further investigate your concerns and take further action, if appropriate. He is a vulnerable adult/older adult so that comes under their remit. It may be that they discover it is his spending on alcohol, but they should be able to then signpost you/him to appropriate services to get help.

It's a very difficult situation for you, especially being an only child. I wish you all the best with it.

Just as a matter of interest, is there an official definition for 'a vulnerable adult'?

It is not the same as an 'older adult', is it? Or are all those of us who are 'older' considered to be 'vulnerable'?