Elderly father possibly victim of con artists. What to do?

sarahs999

jenhug wrote: »

would your dad agree to you having power of attorney?

Not in a million years! Though I have looked into it. I also don't want to take his independence away if it's not necessary. I agree it would help though.

joolsybools

Just to say my thoughts are with you. My late father was an alcoholic who lived on his own and it was very hard for me, also being an only child. The idea of staying with him for a few days once he's out of hospital is a good one. Incidentally, have the hospital managed to establish why he is ill?

sarahs999

In response to other posters, yes, he has had an alcohol problem for a long time. It's nothing new. What is new is all the mistakes and money problems.

Bestpud, I find your response spiteful. Of course I am concerned about his health - I would have thought it unneccessary to actually spell out how worried I am for him. I have known my father for the 40 years I have been alive, so to say I don't know him is stupid. And yes, it's a burden when elderly parents get ill and you live far away and can't care for them. And if you actually read my final line, the 'inheritance' I am referring to is this debt. Nothing to do with an inheritance of property or anything else.

Thank you to everyone else who has suggested links and had kind words.

sarahs999

joolsy, no, they haven't found out why he's ill yet. I suspect it's lots of things all rolled together.

RedBern

there should be a hospital social worker who may be able to talk to your dad - our hospital discharge scheme is run by Age Concern and again they would be able to help. Your main problem is that your dad doesn't appear to want help! so you're going to have to get him to open up to someone else.

Agree with other posters that, depending on how long he's in hospital, you could try to broach the subject by saying 'is there anything that needs paying at home? Do you want me to bring your post in for us to go through together?' and see if you get a route in there. What you can't say in 'bloody hell dad, where's all your money gone?' - it's still his money to spend as he wishes!! You just need to make sure he's safe. Perhaps a stay in hospital will allow you to rule in/rule out alcohol dependency?

bestpud

sarahs999 wrote: »

In response to other posters, yes, he has had an alcohol problem for a long time. It's nothing new. What is new is all the mistakes and money problems.

Bestpud, I find your response spiteful. Of course I am concerned about his health - I would have thought it unneccessary to actually spell out how worried I am for him. I have known my father for the 40 years I have been alive, so to say I don't know him is stupid. And yes, it's a burden when elderly parents get ill and you live far away and can't care for them. And if you actually read my final line, the 'inheritance' I am referring to is this debt. Nothing to do with an inheritance of property or anything else.

Thank you to everyone else who has suggested links and had kind words.

His debts will die with him so I'm not sure why you are calling that an inheritance.

And sorry to say this, but you don't know him if you believe he can't be spending the money on cheaper alcohol. Plus, nobody really knows an alcoholic - even if they live with them.

Neither do you know what he is doing day to day.

How can you when you only speak once a week and he is reluctant to talk?

There is no need to be defensive - life is life and you can't help being so far away and working too!

Fact is you are jumping to wild conclusions when many, if not all, his problems can be attributed to alcoholism. That should be the first priority.

As I said, the 'baddies' could be loan sharks, or could just be 'friends' who are unaware of your fathers issues (let's face it, you didn't know he is in debt so why would he tell anyone else?) or it could be his cleaner is fleecing him and throwing you off the scent.

It's easy to look for conspiracies etc - I know as I have alcoholic relatives and they can be extremely difficult to care for - but you shouldn't underestimate the mess they can get themselves into.

Being defensive won't help I'm afraid.

kazzysin

I dont know where about in the country you are but I am aware my local council have a vulnerable adult safeguarding team who deal with concerns such as yours.

Might be worth contacting your fathers local council or social services for advice.

sarahs999

[QUOTE=RedBern;42383998__What_you_can't_say_in_'bloody_hell_dad,_where's_all_your_money_gone?'_-_it's_still_his_money_to_spend_as_he_wishes!!_[/QUOTE]

No, it isn't. It's the bank's money. It stopped being his money when he went overdrawn. Same with the 10k on the credit card.

Errata

OP - given your dad's alcohol intake, loss of weight, not dealing with financial affairs and it would seem some irrationality and confusion, I think it would help if you read this http://alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=98

If you don't feel it's relavent, then at least you will be aware that it's something that isn't causing the problems your dad has.

lynnemcf

What about your fathers friends? Does he have a sibling? I think he would be more likely to talk over his problems with someone the same age as him.