Problem with sister and child.

gunsandbanjos

Zoetoes wrote: »

She's only 7, she's just being a bit bratty! I think sometimes when your own kids are older you forget what they were like and how hard it can be.

My daughter is 7 so have not forgotten how hard it is. If my daughter behaved like the girl described she would be in a whole world of trouble! But she doesn't, because she knows better, because i have disciplined her consistently throughout her life.

She does push the boundaries every now and then, what 7 year old doesn't? However i don't agree the behaviour described is just 'a bit bratty'!

Zoetoes

gunsandbanjos wrote: »

My daughter is 7 so have not forgotten how hard it is. If my daughter behaved like the girl described she would be in a whole world of trouble! But she doesn't, because she knows better, because i have disciplined her consistently throughout her life.

She does push the boundaries every now and then, what 7 year old doesn't? However i don't agree the behaviour described is just 'a bit bratty'!

She's not skinning squirrels or anything! What would you describe it as? The early days of a mass murderer?

I am wondering whether maybe OP's sister feels less like reprimanding the little girl in front of her? Maybe the mum can feel the tension from OP?

I'm not in any way criticising you OP, I'm just trying to see it from all angles.

meritaten

I have to say I am amazed at the number of people on here who DONT think this little lady is a brat and its normal behaviour! these must be the same parents who will sit and gaze proudly at their little demon who is making otherwise sane people want to become child killers. these kids bark orders at their adoring parents, terrorise other kids and run around wrecking other peoples enjoyment. any complaint to the parent is met by a weak - He is just being a boy/She is a bit excited...............no discipline as the parent 'doesnt believe in it'. makes me want to become a 'killer of a badly behaved child parent'! or you get the 'darling dont do that' totally ignored by darling because parent doesnt follow up!!!
at age 7 personality traits are actually quite ingrained. it takes a radical approach to change them or a truamatic event. and unless the parent changes the approach - its not usually altered by outsiders.

gunsandbanjos

Zoetoes wrote: »

She's not skinning squirrels or anything! What would you describe it as? The early days of a mass murderer?

Yeah, because thats the other option!

She sounds like a really naughty, manipulative little girl. She clearly knows exactly what she is up and the effects her behaviour has.

Agree with Meritaten's post above.

Zoetoes

Well as I suggested earlier, when OP is looking after the kids at her house she can do things her way, other than that there's not really much else she can do as it's not really her place.

Hope you get it all sorted OP, I'm sure the little girl will grow out of the bad behaviour, holiday just you and your kids until she does!

Zoetoes

meritaten wrote: »

making otherwise sane people want to become child killers.

makes me want to become a 'killer of a badly behaved child parent'!

And you're saying a 7 year old girl is demonic? :eek:

Spendless

swingaloo wrote: »

Thank you for the replies and observations, its good to get others thoughts on this.

Just to address a few of the points raised.

Yes I do have children of my own but as Im the eldest sis by a few years mine are now grown up.

When I look after the children she is no problem, she will have the occasional 'try it on' moment but knows that when I say no its for a reason and she dosnt push it. She is almost angelic, in fact you can put a bet on when her behaviour will change- as mum walks through the door!.

And did you never experience this with your own children? Or was it just that you saw it from a different angle back then?

I have been in position of aunt to a child similar to this and a mum to whom relatives only saw the 'bad' side. It used to infuriate me like mad that s-i-l didn't seem to see what I did. Eventually neice grew (mostly!) out of it. Having been a mum to a child who was a bit of a handful though, I can now understand that whereas I could see the overall picture if he misbehaved in other peoples company they got used to only ever witnessing the naughty side and got to the point where they were waiting for him to play-up in order to 'pounce'. So as where to me he had misbehaved for 5 minutes out of the 16 hours he's been awake, to others he'd misbehaved for 5 minutes out of the 30 mins that they'd seen him. A few years ago, I decided that people had to know that there was another side to him, and I made steps to make sure that they heard and witnessed a more positive side to him, which eventually paid off but took a couple of years.
BTW - around that time, I sent him to cubs and have always felt they were instrumental in helping turning his 'wanting things to run around him' into something more positive ie he became a sixer. He; recently joined Scouts and I've witnessed the same thing.

It took me several years to come to this point and decision and maybe if your sister is ill is not something she has currently thought about or is in a position to do something about.

What is her relationship with her son like? I ask, because we recently went thru a phase of my DD playing on the fact that she has been better behaved than her brother and doing stuff and blaming him. Unfortunately for her she was overheard by my DH saying that 'yeah, I know I said it/broke it but who do you think mum and dad will believe'. Of course that has back-fired on her cos not only was she in trouble we now don't automatically believe her version of events.

Just wondered if in earlier years that your sister had experiences like this which makes her more inclined to believe her daughter?

jellyhead

Interesting post, spendless.

Having thought about it, I think I am predisposed to dislike little girls who are spiteful or tell lies, whereas if a boy misbehaves I'm more likely to understand it. My sister was a witch though, lol!

I only have boys myself, and until recently there were only boy children in the family. I remember volunteering in school for year 3 and being shocked and horrified by how spiteful and manipulative some of the girls were, and the teacher said it had taken her a while to get used to it too because she only had boys herself and girl bad behaviour is totally different.

I'm prejudiced, I read the OP's posts and instantly thought the 7 year old was just like my sister It's unfair of me, probably.

The 7 year old girl isn't too old to change her behaviour, fingers crossed that ignoring the bad and praising the good might work. Demanding to choose everything all the time isn't really what you'd expect of a 7 year old, most kids grow out of that by the time they're in nursery, so she's probably just doing it for the reaction it gets, and stuck in patterns of tantrums to get attention.

Zoetoes

I see it from all sides.

I have a sister who has 2 girls and I have 2 boys. Little things I remember - me, sis, her 3 yr old girl & my 5 yr old boy all in the car, girl whacks boy in the face with a toy, ok she's only 3, boy automatically hits her back (not with a toy in the face) and sis goes mental saying she's only a baby and he's 5 and a boy etc.

When I had my 2nd boy the girl was then 5 and my sis was at my house with her seeing the baby and my sis goes to her 'someone for you to bully now instead'.

And girl was a pain all the time, like jumping on my mum's new couch with a drink in her hand and my sis not really doing much about it. Bratty like shouting to get her own way and lashing out and my sis would say 'well you know what her temper's like so don't wind her up or it's your own fault'.

Then fast forward a few years, boy is 5, girl is 10, just taken the stabilisers off his bike for the first time, girl jumps on it and rides off and he's shouting her and she doesn't bring it back for ages, when she did he threw one of the stabilisers in temper, not deliberately at her but it hit her on the head, and then of course my sis went mad.

Now I know you're thinking oh my god he threw the stabiliser, that's really bad behaviour. And while I told him that's what can happen if you throw things etc, I couldn't help feeling sorry for him.

I also noticed that as he was getting a bit older, if my sis was around he would be naughty, it would always be very tense, she would be frowning and I think he knew it!

Phew, that turned into a lost post didn't it!

jellyhead

We had some tension like that between my sister and I when our eldest children were younger ... and each time I felt sorry for my child and she felt sorry for hers. Even if my boy was at fault I still felt that she was in the wrong because her method of dealing with things was wrong, in my opinion It does sound like your sister holds grudges though, which seems daft when your boy was only 5 himself and the 3 year old started it and was not reprimanded for her own violence.

I am fuming on behalf of your little boy with his bike too ... I'm doing it again aren't I, thinking that she's a nasty little cow just because she's a girl ... oooops!