Ex MIL problems

joeblack066

Hi guys. I posted a couple years ago about the problems I was having re DD visiting ex MIL- she used to stay over 2 nights a week but at nearly 13 didn't want to. I got some excellent advice and DD cut down to 1 night. Fast forward to now, and the situation is barely tolerable. My ex MIL turns everything round to be all about her. Case in point, DD had perforated appendix with major surgery 4 weeks ago, MIL moans how alone she's been. DD hasn't been to stay as when she does she has to sleep on the sofa and this is not comfortable. MIL moans about this. We go round 2/3 times a week, I do jobs for her, take her on hol 2 times a year, take her on day trips, and she still moans. DD is at the stage where she just doesn't want to go any more "why am I solely responsible for Grandmas happiness?" she says. There are 7 other grandchildren, all adults, her own daughter has just had maxilofacial surgery for cancer, and MIL moans that she's not been up! I just can't cope with her anymore, does anyone have any advice as to what I can do?

whispywillow

Have you spoken to her to actually tell her how you have been feeling?

joeblack066

Well, I have tried, but she's a very dogmatic Cantankerous person who never listens.

pigpen

I'd tell her to shut the *heck* up moaning and the way she behaves and whines on and on she is lucky any body goes ever.. She ought to be happy she has anybody that wants to go see her when she is so ungrateful.

Mojisola

joeblack066 wrote: »

DD is at the stage where she just doesn't want to go any more "why am I solely responsible for Grandmas happiness?" she says. There are 7 other grandchildren, all adults, her own daughter has just had maxilofacial surgery for cancer, and MIL moans that she's not been up! I just can't cope with her anymore, does anyone have any advice as to what I can do?

What a wise daughter you have! Neither of you are responsible for her happiness.

I'm very strong on family supporting each other but there are some people who are very self-centred and will never be satisfied, whatever is done for them.

Does ex-MIL go to any clubs or have any friends? In your position, I would start to find ways to withdraw a little.

gratefulforhelp_2

I would withdraw also. Life is hard enough without a toxic inlaw. Does your DD see her Dad as much as this? Tell MIL the rights of the grandparent are consequent on the rights of the absent parent, meaning ultimately your ex would have to see DD more than MIL to maintain this level of contact, and also that at 13 your DD has her own say. 13 year olds are not always naturally inclined to spend a lot of time with grandparents, and wise grandparents either accept this, or make the visits more interesting...sounds like she has done neither.

Wickedkitten

joeblack066 wrote: »

Hi guys. I posted a couple years ago about the problems I was having re DD visiting ex MIL- she used to stay over 2 nights a week but at nearly 13 didn't want to. I got some excellent advice and DD cut down to 1 night. Fast forward to now, and the situation is barely tolerable. My ex MIL turns everything round to be all about her. Case in point, DD had perforated appendix with major surgery 4 weeks ago, MIL moans how alone she's been. DD hasn't been to stay as when she does she has to sleep on the sofa and this is not comfortable. MIL moans about this. We go round 2/3 times a week, I do jobs for her, take her on hol 2 times a year, take her on day trips, and she still moans. DD is at the stage where she just doesn't want to go any more "why am I solely responsible for Grandmas happiness?" she says. There are 7 other grandchildren, all adults, her own daughter has just had maxilofacial surgery for cancer, and MIL moans that she's not been up! I just can't cope with her anymore, does anyone have any advice as to what I can do?

Stop going round, taking her on hol, and on day trips for one. It's no wonder she is feeling entitled if you are still doing that for her and she's your EX mother in law.

Dasa

Hello, you sound like a lovely DIL and she is lucky to have you.

At 13 I think your DD is entitled to make up her own mind as to when and how often she visits her Grandma. Some people in my experience think the world revolves around them and in the end they lose out because of their attitude.

Hope you get it sorted so you feel comfortable about the situation.

sjc3

joeblack066 wrote: »

Hi guys. I posted a couple years ago about the problems I was having re DD visiting ex MIL- she used to stay over 2 nights a week but at nearly 13 didn't want to. I got some excellent advice and DD cut down to 1 night. Fast forward to now, and the situation is barely tolerable. My ex MIL turns everything round to be all about her. Case in point, DD had perforated appendix with major surgery 4 weeks ago, MIL moans how alone she's been. DD hasn't been to stay as when she does she has to sleep on the sofa and this is not comfortable. MIL moans about this. We go round 2/3 times a week, I do jobs for her, take her on hol 2 times a year, take her on day trips, and she still moans. DD is at the stage where she just doesn't want to go any more "why am I solely responsible for Grandmas happiness?" she says. There are 7 other grandchildren, all adults, her own daughter has just had maxilofacial surgery for cancer, and MIL moans that she's not been up! I just can't cope with her anymore, does anyone have any advice as to what I can do?

Stop being at this selfish womans beck and call. I can see why you think she turns everything round to be about her. Very childish and aggrevating behaviour in an adult. No wonder your very astute 13 year old is getting fed up with having contact.

Blimey I think you deserve a medal, being so accomodating to an ex mil. The only thing my brother would happily do for his ex mil is shoot her.

pupsicola

:eek:

I cannot believe how nice you are to an EX mil. I wouldn't put my ex mil out if she was ablaze let alone see her 2/3 times a week, do jobs for her, go on day trips and take her on holiday.

Why doesn't your ex take your daughter to see his mum and put up with her bloody awkward ways? Why is it down to you?

joeblack066

Unfortunately my ex husband died 3 years ago on Christmas Day( DD was with him when he had a heart attack), then ex FIL died 10 months later.