Living life, loving life.......hypno's having a ball!

yummymommy

hypno06 wrote: »

So, bit of an odd one this, because there really is no set process.

I have a background in therapy type stuff, so know a lot of the theory, but like many people, didn't necessarily apply it in the same way to myself as I would to a client, or a friend etc.

So one of the first things to do was to acknowledge that I do have the tools to deal with things, I just have to use them for myself in the same way I would use them for others. I am worthy of the benefit of my knowledge and experience, just as others are. You don't have to have a therapy background for this - just imagine the advice you would give to a good friend who was having a tough time......along with the love and understanding you have, because you truly care for them. That is what you deserve from yourself too.

The next thing, and I did this with the help of the great peeps here as you will have seen, was to acknowledge and ACCEPT that the way I was feeling was normal. I'm not on my own in going through these tough times, and in feeling "lost". I'm not on my own in having to deal with them. But if I don't put it out there, it will stay in my head, and will get bigger and bigger. If I don't put it out there, no one will know I need help, or reassurance, or just that nodding of the head to say "yup, that's about right". So, talking about it, in a controlled way, to people that you respect, is a great help.

To this end, I found myself (without intending to) saying something to a friend I have not known for long, but whom I trust implicitly. It is the sort of thing that I would never have said to anyone...and my first thought when the words came out of my mouth was "I can't believe I have just told you that". When you are used to keeping things in, it is a shocker when you just say stuff without "thinking". However, his response was not the judgemental one I might have expected. He actually gave me the number of a counsellor he used after his own divorce, and I have so far sat down for a couple of sessions with her. It is good to talk. To the right people, in the right way.

I have been writing things down - again with the prompting of people here. I don't do it all the time, but sometimes I just find myself reaching for the pad of A4 and a pen and get scribbling. Utter tosh sometimes, but again, it is "out there" and no longer in my head.

It is all very organic - there is no 12 step recovery programme. No chapter of a book that is a "must read". But sometimes I just find myself answering my own questions, just by having said something, or by writing something down. It then becomes something tangible to be able to deal with......

The layers are often complex - they overlap, they get tangled, they get muddled. But imagine it like a tangled, knotted ball of wool - it looks horrific to start with, but with careful picking of the knots it gets easier to work with, easier to unravel, and in time you are left with a neat workable ball of wool and not that mass of chaos that you almost threw away as being a waste of time.

Don't expect miracles overnight - my issues have been there for years one way or another, and have evolved and changed. Just like the debt, baby steps are required, frustrating though that is. There are good days, there are not so good days, but it is all part of unknotting that ball of wool!

The best advice I can give is to start by acknowledging that you are bloody well worth the effort. Once you accept that and embrace it fully, you can start working with it to great effect. I've heard, so many times from so many people, over the last 18 months - "you are worth so much more"......and my response has been "yeah, whatever" type thing.

Now my response would be "absobloodylutely"

Go get 'em xxx

Hi H, thank you so much for those words of wisdom. They make so much sense. You're right, it is also about acknowledging that we are worth it. I think I might look into finding a therapist. Everyone always tells me how strong I am and that I can deal with anything. We can only deal with so much until it all comes crashing down. Time to admit it I think. Could be money well spent I think.

Thank you and hugs xx:)

slowlyfading

Glad you feel you've got it sorted and thinking about your friend xx

yummymommy

Sending healing thoughts to your friend and DS x

hypno06

Morning all - Friday again, and I won't be unhappy to see the back of this particular week, although it hasn't been all bad. My friend is to stay in hospital for the next 10 days at least. Early days yet, and she is still up and down, but is in the best place.

Had a last minute invite to the cinema last night, so went to see The Help, which was very good, although a longer film than anticipated, so was 11.30 when I got home, which considering I hadn't been home since 7am was rather late. But a nice evening, so no complaints.

All I can say is that if insomnia kicks in on Saturday when I have the chance of an extra hour's sleep, then there will be bother

Have a good Friday, everyone.

rtandon27

:T:TTo solving budgets! - Glad it turned out to be a rather small frog!

Glad to hear you got to see a movie last night, it is wonderful to hear you are doing spontaneous things!

Have a lovely Friday - it's glorious and sunny here - hope it's as beautiful up where you are!

XO
RT

Verbatim

I hope your friend "turns the corner" soon and will then make a speedy recovery. it must be an anxious time until she gets there.
Here's to your making full use of the extra hour on Sat/Sun.

mizmir

Morning Hypno - just dropping by to say :hello: Hope you have a good weekend and that your friend soon turns the corner.

hypno06

No news on that front, but the sun is shining, and I have managed a walk along the river, and a coffee with my friend. I'll take that

taxi73

Hope you're friend has a speedy recovery along with your son xx

hypno06

Well, the tests show that it is encephalitis rather than meningitis. She is waiting to be moved to Addenbrookes, so we just keep waiting, and thinking positive stuff.

So....went for drinks after work last night, then headed home early - was home by 8. Had a friend come round who is also having a difficult time, so we had food and a chat and chilled a bit just because we could. Was good. I am lucky to be surrounded by some superb friends. Times like this prove that. And I appreciate every one of them.

Football this afternoon, so the pub beckons at lunchtime, meaning I have a lazy morning to reflect on the week and catch up with myself a bit before going and clearing my head by yelling at the top of my voice at the nice linesman... with the guys.

Have a good one, whatever you are doing xxx