Living life, loving life.......hypno's having a ball!

hypno06

Love that, Souk. "It doesn't suit me" is a great one, and I will be using that for sure.

Although the alternative is so much more fun. Fabulous indeedy :D:D

YM, I will reply to your question when I am at lunch.....x

Karmacat

I love that, Souk. Very powerful

hypno06

yummymommy wrote: »

Hiyah H.
Just a quick question. Love the process that you are going through at the moment. Some of what is coming up makes so much sense. Hope you don't mind me asking but are you following a set process, book etc. I would love to go through this process myself and just wondered if you have any tips/how to start etc

YM x

So, bit of an odd one this, because there really is no set process.

I have a background in therapy type stuff, so know a lot of the theory, but like many people, didn't necessarily apply it in the same way to myself as I would to a client, or a friend etc.

So one of the first things to do was to acknowledge that I do have the tools to deal with things, I just have to use them for myself in the same way I would use them for others. I am worthy of the benefit of my knowledge and experience, just as others are. You don't have to have a therapy background for this - just imagine the advice you would give to a good friend who was having a tough time......along with the love and understanding you have, because you truly care for them. That is what you deserve from yourself too.

The next thing, and I did this with the help of the great peeps here as you will have seen, was to acknowledge and ACCEPT that the way I was feeling was normal. I'm not on my own in going through these tough times, and in feeling "lost". I'm not on my own in having to deal with them. But if I don't put it out there, it will stay in my head, and will get bigger and bigger. If I don't put it out there, no one will know I need help, or reassurance, or just that nodding of the head to say "yup, that's about right". So, talking about it, in a controlled way, to people that you respect, is a great help.

To this end, I found myself (without intending to) saying something to a friend I have not known for long, but whom I trust implicitly. It is the sort of thing that I would never have said to anyone...and my first thought when the words came out of my mouth was "I can't believe I have just told you that". When you are used to keeping things in, it is a shocker when you just say stuff without "thinking". However, his response was not the judgemental one I might have expected. He actually gave me the number of a counsellor he used after his own divorce, and I have so far sat down for a couple of sessions with her. It is good to talk. To the right people, in the right way.

I have been writing things down - again with the prompting of people here. I don't do it all the time, but sometimes I just find myself reaching for the pad of A4 and a pen and get scribbling. Utter tosh sometimes, but again, it is "out there" and no longer in my head.

It is all very organic - there is no 12 step recovery programme. No chapter of a book that is a "must read". But sometimes I just find myself answering my own questions, just by having said something, or by writing something down. It then becomes something tangible to be able to deal with......

The layers are often complex - they overlap, they get tangled, they get muddled. But imagine it like a tangled, knotted ball of wool - it looks horrific to start with, but with careful picking of the knots it gets easier to work with, easier to unravel, and in time you are left with a neat workable ball of wool and not that mass of chaos that you almost threw away as being a waste of time.

Don't expect miracles overnight - my issues have been there for years one way or another, and have evolved and changed. Just like the debt, baby steps are required, frustrating though that is. There are good days, there are not so good days, but it is all part of unknotting that ball of wool!

The best advice I can give is to start by acknowledging that you are bloody well worth the effort. Once you accept that and embrace it fully, you can start working with it to great effect. I've heard, so many times from so many people, over the last 18 months - "you are worth so much more"......and my response has been "yeah, whatever" type thing.

Now my response would be "absobloodylutely"

Go get 'em xxx

Triciaxx

:T:T:T That's a cracker of a post, Hypno.

I do think it is only when you realise that you are not alone in feeling this way, that you can start to deal with it. Until then you think that you 'shouldn't' have the feelings and that 'shouldn't' has moral implications - lack of moral fibre as it was called at the start of the 20th century.

Isn't it liberating when you realise that you are normal after all. :j

Even then, a lot of people will go no further, but you have and, because you have shared it with all of us, some other folk may go further as well.

So, thanks for being brave enough to share some of the process with us.

hypno06

It is all about giving yourself permission to feel things or do things. I had, for example, spent so long being determined to do things in a dignified manner, on the basis it was better for all concerned, that I had told myself that anger wasn't going to be appropriate.

Well, I now know that it I am perfectly entitled to be angry. Bloomin furious, in fact. It has its place, and provided it is channelled in a healthy and appropriate way, then bring on the :mad::mad::mad: smileys once in a while.

But I hadn't given myself permission to feel this way. I had only given myself permission to do "what was right".

Similarly, the only person who can stop me from feeling good about myself is ME. No one else has the right or the ability to do so. So by giving myself the permission to look in the mirror and say "hell yeah", I do so, whereas previously I was giving myself permission to go with the "my bum DOES look big in this" mantra.......

etc....etc......etc......

Karmacat

And another cracking post, as Tricia says Appropriate anger, in particular, is such a powerhouse, I think.

Thanks for writing this - I especially love the analogy with a tangled ball of wool, thats so spot on for me.

hypno06

Karmacat wrote: »

Appropriate anger, in particular, is such a powerhouse, I think.

Judging by the workout that I did at the gym last night after sitting with the counsellor, I think that is spot on!!!

I ache today though :rotfl:

Karmacat

:kisses3: Ah yes **nods head wisely** they don't tell you about that in counselling sessions!

hypno06

Karmacat wrote: »

I especially love the analogy with a tangled ball of wool, thats so spot on for me.

The other one I used a lot when working with clients was that dealing with it was like cleaning a kitchen cupboard. Before you start, you know it is there, you know it needs doing, but while you can shut the door on it, you don't really have to actually deal with it, other than having to rummage through tins and packets and half used jars of stuff.

When you decide to deal with it, you pull everything out, you have a pile of out of date stuff, a pile of stuff you don't know why you ever bought in first place, 7 part used bags of rice, with only enough in them for half a portion each, the lentils which have spilled everywhere as you pulled out the bag not realising that the top was open, blah blah blah.

Before you know it, you look around you and you have chaos everywhere, and you wonder why the heck you started it....because at least "back then" it was all hidden out of harms way.....

But of course if you persevere, you ditch the stuff that you don't need. You give away the stuff that you don't want. You consolidate some things into useful storage jars. You plan for the future, realising that you actually have more useable stuff here than you thought, and the menu plan is created.

And after a little while, the relevant stuff is put away, the cupboard has space. You don't need to rummage to find what you need, or what you want - it is there staring you in the face when you next open the door, without you even realising it.

And if you are anything like me, you keep going back to that sparkly cupboard and just opening it up - just to admire the work you have done and to say "I did that....I'm gooooood"!!! :cool:

Butti

Really good posts Hypno.
I am also a big fan of the pen and paper. As you start to pick away at patterns of behaviour little things come to you at odd moments. If you can write them down you can revisit them later and see if you can work out what is going on.

I've been for two lots of counselling, the second through the GP for depression and heavily focused on CBT.

For me depression was like the flip side of anger. We were not allowed to express anger or sadness as children. Nobody expressed sadness at all and anger just belonged to my dad, and remained unacknowledged like the giant elephant in the room. I believe my teenage anorexia and my depression are both related to this anger being kept in.