How can I get him to pay?

pupsicola

clearingout wrote: »

As someone who never thought she would need the benefits system, I can only wholeheartedly agree with this. I thought I'd made a good marriage-match and that even in the worse case scenario of the relationship breaking down, my now ex-husband would have been decent and honourable. He wasn't. Far from it. I'm sure he has his reasons.

I am extremely grateful we live in a welfare state and having been through the worst times of my life in the last few years, I will never, ever make a judgement about a person and their circumstances again. Life can be hard. You just have to make the best of it.

OP - good luck. It must have been a shock. Whether your son's father faces up to his responsibilities remains to be seen but whatever happens, you have a lovely little boy to care for and who, if you do the right thing and try to involve dad, will only ever have love and respect for you. You can't buy that, even with benefits !!!

I have huge respect for you for writing this, it was exactly what I wanted to write but couldn't find all the right words.

OP whatever happens with your ex your little boy will love you for looking after him and trying to help his dad be a part of his life.

pupsicola

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Control over reporoduction is not the sole responsibility of either sex. If he felt he had been trapped, then if he was brought up properly, he knew what causes babies and how to prevent them being conceived.

In any case it is in rather poor taste to talk about preventing a pregnancy that has resulted in a much loved (at least by the OP) child.

Exactly it takes two to make a baby. If a pregnancy is not planned or wanted at the time, then both the man and woman should take precautions. It isn't one persons sole responsibilty.

kelloggs36

The child that has resulted still costs money to bring up, and just because he didn't make the conscious decision to have the child doesn't absolve his responsibilities. As Grateful states, if he was opposed to being a father, contraception was an option! No, he must take the financial responsibility even if he doesn't want the emotional - if he has to pay he may want to take on the other, but he may not; you can't force that. Good luck!

PreludeForTimeFeelers

kelloggs36 wrote: »

The child that has resulted still costs money to bring up, and just because he didn't make the conscious decision to have the child doesn't absolve his responsibilities. As Grateful states, if he was opposed to being a father, contraception was an option! No, he must take the financial responsibility even if he doesn't want the emotional - if he has to pay he may want to take on the other, but he may not; you can't force that. Good luck!

I agree, whatever has happened previously, the end result is that two people have made this baby, and it is going to cost money to raise, therefore the two people who made the baby should be the two people who fund this cost.

RedSky

PreludeForTimeFeelers wrote: »

I agree, whatever has happened previously, the end result is that two people have made this baby, and it is going to cost money to raise, therefore the two people who made the baby should be the two people who fund this cost.

I don't necessarily agree it is regardless of what happened previously but the key to me in this scenario is that "neither decided to prevent having a child" opposed to "either decided to have a child". Both are equally responsible for not making that decision.

clearingout

never ceases to amaze me that people are generally amazed that unprotected sex sometimes results in pregnancy.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Britneys_Firefly

clearingout wrote: »

never ceases to amaze me that people are generally amazed that unprotected sex sometimes results in pregnancy.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Although I agree with this, and certainly was told about the birds and the bees at the right age, i will once again repeat what I've now said twice previously....

Although neither of us used contraception, my reason for doing so is because I was told by MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS after a series of tests that I would NEVER be able to concieve naturally, and that if I wanted children i would have to have IVF to do so. Therefore I did not consider contraception when embarking on this new relationship.

My childs father knew my background and knew my medical problems as well.

My little boys arrival in this world is nothing short of a mircale, and I will always be grateful for that.

DUTR

Britneys_Firefly wrote: »

Although I agree with this, and certainly was told about the birds and the bees at the right age, i will once again repeat what I've now said twice previously....

Although neither of us used contraception, my reason for doing so is because I was told by MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS after a series of tests that I would NEVER be able to concieve naturally, and that if I wanted children i would have to have IVF to do so. Therefore I did not consider contraception when embarking on this new relationship.

My childs father knew my background and knew my medical problems as well.

My little boys arrival in this world is nothing short of a mircale, and I will always be grateful for that.

You don't really have to explain the birds and bee's , the child is here now, there is no refund policy

mpg

Its a good job we've wiped out all traces of STD's then or there may be another reason to use contraception.

clearingout

sorry - wasn't having a go at you at all, I was just making the point. Debate around unexpected pregnancy always amuses me at some level - you have sex, sometimes you get lucky/unlucky (depends where you're sitting, I guess). You can use contraception, emergency contraception and have situations like yours (and I have at least 2 friends who were told they'd never conceived who have) and it still happens. Life finds a way, I guess.