How can I get him to pay?

pupsicola

shell_542 wrote: »

No, that is incorrect. The system changed last year. Now a PWC gets to keep all of their maintenance regardless of if they are receiving benefits.

http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/case/child-maintenance-changing.asp

Thats right. I checked before applying to the csa myself. It changed a while back

vasseur

OP - has any of this helped?

Phil_Wood

If the system has changed then I stand corrected. My apologies if I caused any confusion.

Phil.

13Kent

I imagine if you didn't know you were pregnant until you were in labour that it was quite a shock to you - not much time to get used to being a Mum. I imagine it has been just as much as a shock to the Dad too, especially if you had a short relationship and parted before the baby was born. Maybe either not convinced he is the Dad, or doing the "head in the sand" thing and pretending it's not happening! Maybe a DNA test would be useful under these circumstances (not that I'm doubting that he is the father) but maybe seeing on paper that he is definitely the father will clarify the situation to him and make it more "real" that he is a Daddy after all and help him face up to his responsibilities.

C_Mababejive

I think it is unfair to pursue this man. It seems like this was nothing more than a one night stand and if a girl is to behave in such a manner,she should take precautions as should he. Does the OP think the lad will want to enter into a LTR on the strength of a child born into such a fleeting liaison? Its doubtful. He'd probably just feel like he had been trapped. No..just forget it and let the state pay for his child as so many have done bfore.

DUTR

RedSky wrote: »

From the limited information given it doesn't sound like you both actively planned starting a family together. Only you know the full details but he may chose not to be emotionally involved as he may not have wanted a child opposed to just being bone idol.

If you give the CSA as much information as you can, they should be able to tell you if they have found a match or not. If he is bone idol and consequently unemployed then he will only be assessed to pay a minimal amount from his benefits.

13Kent wrote: »

I imagine if you didn't know you were pregnant until you were in labour that it was quite a shock to you - not much time to get used to being a Mum. I imagine it has been just as much as a shock to the Dad too, especially if you had a short relationship and parted before the baby was born. Maybe either not convinced he is the Dad, or doing the "head in the sand" thing and pretending it's not happening! Maybe a DNA test would be useful under these circumstances (not that I'm doubting that he is the father) but maybe seeing on paper that he is definitely the father will clarify the situation to him and make it more "real" that he is a Daddy after all and help him face up to his responsibilities.

C_Mababejive wrote: »

I think it is unfair to pursue this man. It seems like this was nothing more than a one night stand and if a girl is to behave in such a manner,she should take precautions as should he. Does the OP think the lad will want to enter into a LTR on the strength of a child born into such a fleeting liaison? Its doubtful. He'd probably just feel like he had been trapped. No..just forget it and let the state pay for his child as so many have done bfore.

Some good points made
OP the CSA maybe able to assist on just the name and town.
As for the other comments about bone idol etc, not really fair, after the time of separation he may well be in a relationship now which he places value. Someone had mentioned about not having to worry about money, 15% of somebody's net will often only be a help rather than provide a life of luxury. There will be other complications worth much more than the money and the father having a bond with the child is something only he can decide to choose , whilst the OP is 'obliged' to be a mother.
Good luck with the case though

Britneys_Firefly

Just to answer a few of the points made on this thread, as I feel like I'm being labelled as a 'benefit scrouger' on here.

For the person that said I shouldnt persue my little boys dad because it was a 'one night stand', I will just correct you althought the relationship was short ( 6 weeks) the man moved in and out of my home twice. I am not wanting a LTR with him, and I am just wanting him to know his child.
Yes my little boy was not planned, and like i mentioned and if some people bothered to read in full I did NOT know I was pregnant with my son until I was in labour. Yes I should have taken precautions, but at the same time I was also told by doctors on more than one occasion that I would never be able to concieve without IVF, so I thought i was pretty much barren!.

Although bone idol may seem strong to some people, I believe that is what he is being. I know that he is not in a new relationship, is still in full time employment. He also has another child with his ex wife who I believe he supports. Ok so I was not married to him, but surely my son doesnt deserve no different to theority his half sister?.
I have also invited him on several different occasions to meet his son, without the pressure of financally providing for him, just on the emotional level (every son should know his father etc etc). And on every occasion dad has said he would come only to 'disapear' on the day. I mean dispear by not responding to phone calls and texts messages. Then within a week after said meet up he appears again, completely ignoring the fact that he had failed to turn up!.

Also before people accuse me of 'sponging' off the state. I am a 26 year old, and have worked full time every day of my life since the age of 16. I surely am entitled to my maternity leave, and maternity pay just like the next person and fully intend on going back to work (although part time) when it is over therefore paying back into the system that I have used. Yes ok so I may have to make a claim for housing help in the future, but I certainly did not have my son to simply bleed an already over abused system further.

I hope this clears up some of the questions for people, and thank you to everyone who has offered geniune help and guidance!

pupsicola

Im sorry you have been upset by some of the posts on the thread.

Life isn't black and white and we all get into situations where we need help, support and advice. It is really hard work bringing kids up by yourself, I am a lone parent. Keep going knowing you are doing the best you can for your son.

I take it you have applied for child benefit. Could you be entitled to any child tax credits or working tax credits, dependant on how many hours you work. Has your health visitor mentioned healthy start vouchers. She should have forms and can give these to you to apply.

If you need support for a while so be it, dont feel guilty about it. My view is dont judge anyone till you have walked a mile in their shoes.

clearingout

pupsicola wrote: »

If you need support for a while so be it, dont feel guilty about it. My view is dont judge anyone till you have walked a mile in their shoes.

As someone who never thought she would need the benefits system, I can only wholeheartedly agree with this. I thought I'd made a good marriage-match and that even in the worse case scenario of the relationship breaking down, my now ex-husband would have been decent and honourable. He wasn't. Far from it. I'm sure he has his reasons.

I am extremely grateful we live in a welfare state and having been through the worst times of my life in the last few years, I will never, ever make a judgement about a person and their circumstances again. Life can be hard. You just have to make the best of it.

OP - good luck. It must have been a shock. Whether your son's father faces up to his responsibilities remains to be seen but whatever happens, you have a lovely little boy to care for and who, if you do the right thing and try to involve dad, will only ever have love and respect for you. You can't buy that, even with benefits !!!

gratefulforhelp_2

C_Mababejive wrote: »

I think it is unfair to pursue this man. It seems like this was nothing more than a one night stand and if a girl is to behave in such a manner,she should take precautions as should he. Does the OP think the lad will want to enter into a LTR on the strength of a child born into such a fleeting liaison? Its doubtful. He'd probably just feel like he had been trapped. No..just forget it and let the state pay for his child as so many have done bfore.

Control over reproduction is not the sole responsibility of either sex. If he felt he had been trapped, then if he was brought up properly, he knew what causes babies and how to prevent them being conceived.

In any case it is in rather poor taste to talk about preventing a pregnancy that has resulted in a much loved (at least by the OP) child.