Massive debt, think husband will leave.

Monkeynut

Also, just a thought about the debt that you both have jointly - where did that debt come from?
If you are joitly in debt then that is partially his so he must have some idea of how easy it can be sometimes to fall into debt.

geoffky

Make him face up to the fact that a house can not be run on fresh air and where did he think the things that have happened get paid for from..he is as much to blame as you
me and the wife just share our money and all bills get paid out of it and we would both notice if there is no money left at the end of the month and then talk about it..we have nor ever will have a credit card as i think they provide a false sense of security...good luck and make him see the error of his ways also..

bitemebankers

geoffky wrote: »

Make him face up to the fact that a house can not be run on fresh air and where did he think the things that have happened get paid for from..he is as much to blame as you

Mmm...that's the kind of combative and uncompromising attitude that is pretty much guaranteed to create conflict.

Just what the OP needs right now. NOT.

backinbusiness

op come back and let us know how you are getting on?

bib

Butti

Hi,
Hopefully, as all have said on here, your husband will come round. Have honest conversations with him when he has come round but (and I don't think you will do this) please don't tell him what he 'should' have done. It won't be helpful and has nothing to do with you taking responsibility for your actions.

Well done for fessing up. Anyone who has been on this site for a while will know how horrendous that is and what an amazing level of courage it takes.

I would like you to change your name on here if you can. Even 'former stupid girl' would be better. Labelling you as stupid doesn't help. Yes, your past behaviour hasn't been great but it doesn't make you stupid.

B x

stupidgirl5

Thank you all so much for the support - you really have no idea what it means, it's actually made me cry again, but I still feel more than stupid regardless. I went to work looking like I had done 5 rounds with Mike Tyson from all the tears, but I texted one of the girls in my office that I'm close to, just to say, bad night, warn everyone not to ask or we'll all be in tears all day. I did eventually open up to a couple of them late this afternoon and they were surprisingly supportive and not judgemental at all.
My husband didn't speak to me last night and slept on the sofa, I leave before him for work, so I texted him to say how sorry I am, I am sorting this - it's my mess and I will get it sorted and that I love him more than anything. Nothing, no reply. He came in from work, took his dinner into the lounge, shut the door and didn't speak to me until a little while ago, just to say, he's not sure how he feels now and I have to let him come to terms with it. Bizarrely, when I said how sorry I am for lying, he said it isn't the fact that I have not been honest, but the worry of the debt itself that he doesn't think he can cope with. But I am to just leave him to try to get his head around it before he decides what to do about us.
The relationship itself, yes we have had various issues generally, especially in the last 5 years.
I can account for some of the money, I re-did all the lounge just before christmas, we went away as a family for a long weekend last year, bought both the children new beds and redecorated their rooms, had several of our windows replaced and, yes everyday stuff.
Although I still do feel suicidal, I wouldn't do that to my children (age 17 and 14), it would kill my daughter, we are extremely close and I dread to think what that would do to her. I just want to talk to him about it to clear the air and move forward, but he won't even stay in the same room as me
Thank you again for your help and advice.

stupidgirl5

I have been through to thank you all individually, because there is not only the support that I think I'm craving at the moment, but lots of good advice as well.

Unfortunately, virtually everything I have is with Barclays. If only I could turn the clock back and not click on the big red button when they first offered me a card. Maybe if I had opened my account in the name of Stupid girl 5, it may have stopped them giving it to me.

CH27

Look at the CCCS website & input your details & see what it says.

Look into opening a new basic bank account with a new bank.

Post up your SOA & people will happily help you try to manage.

belfastgirl23

stupidgirl5 wrote: »

He came in from work, took his dinner into the lounge, shut the door and didn't speak to me until a little while ago, just to say, he's not sure how he feels now and I have to let him come to terms with it. Bizarrely, when I said how sorry I am for lying, he said it isn't the fact that I have not been honest, but the worry of the debt itself that he doesn't think he can cope with. But I am to just leave him to try to get his head around it before he decides what to do about us.

I think this is reasonable actually and shows some hope - at least he knows enough about himself to know that he needs time. It will be really hard but try to give it to him, no matter how much of an urge you feel don't keep pushing him to talk, let him come to you.

Glad you have people at work who are supporting you. Keep your chin up, it will get better.

Monkeynut

It's really positive as well that you can account for the majority of the money, as that means it will be even easier for you to sort the debt out as it's easier to stop splurging and treats than it is to juggle everyday living costs - although even that can be done with the tips and advice you can find on here.

It is good that your husband is giving you the time you need. And great really that it's the debt itself that he is most angry about rather than your having hidden it from him, as debts are usually simpler in the end than relationships. Give me a debt to fix rather than a man any day

It doesn't matter that everything is with Barclays, most banks will allow you a basic bank account so go for whichever is easiest for you.