Massive debt, think husband will leave.

Hopelessly_Hopeful

Well done for coming clean.

I agree with the others, especially the part that you have carried the burden alone and that some of it will be a shock for him. Most people say here eventually the other half admits to have buried their heads in the sand.

If you don't know what you spent the money on it's likely to be day to day living expenses and if you're onto not being able to afford minimum repayments then it's likely to be a substantial amount of interest. I started adding mine up but got so wound up I gave up. Never again!!!!!

If you were considering a DMP you can do it alone, they don't have to be joint arrangements. Speak to the free agencies, CCCS, Payplan or debtline, they will give you the range of options.

I was ill with worry this time last year. Next month I will have made my 12th payment and be a quarter of the way through my DMP. It's not an easy way out but it's a responsible one that allows you to pay the debt back in full.

Good luck

HHx

jcorbygas

I think men like to know what is being done about a problem rather than just being told about it and them thinking they have to sort it out (that is my experience anyway) Before I told my husband about our massive debts I had done the CCCS online debt remedy and sorted out the debt management plan so that I had firm figures to give him. I also went through all our credit cards and wrote down exactly where the money had gone so that he could see I hadnt been frittering it away.
I think you really do need to contact CCCS as from your post it sounds like you just cant meet the monthly repayments any more and this is your LBM - things should only get better for you now you dont have to hide letters,or try and get to phone calls before him.

Good luck

NeverAgain_2

Yet another husband who is not the sharpest tool in the box.

He knows his wife is bad with money, but still leaves that side of the marriage to her.

And when the inevitable happens, he blames her.

If she's stupidgirl, he must be equallystupidboy.

If he's intent on running away, fine, but if he's going to stay, rather than shouting at her, he should be giving her some support.

And now's the time to show if he really is good with money.

Mrs_Trouble

Hi

Just wanted to check how things were this morning. I agree with the other poster that showing you are doing something about it will make a huge difference.

Good Luck.

dancingfairy

Hi Stupidgirl - you need to get a new basic account away from anyone you owemoney to. You may struggle to get a normal account with an overdraft due to your credit rating so a basic bank account should do the trick. Try Co-op or Barcalys (as long as you don't owe any money to Barclays - no overdraft , loan, cards etc) for a starting point. As soon as this is set up you can get your salary paid into this new account and then you can be in charge of who gets paid what - important things first - ie mortgage, electric/gas, council tax, food etc. Do not give details of your new bank account to your creditors.
Do seek help from one of the debt charities as to a way forward and perhaps help in arranging a payment plan with your creditors.
Best of luck
df

Cyril

NeverAgain wrote: »

Yet another husband who is not the sharpest tool in the box.

He knows his wife is bad with money, but still leaves that side of the marriage to her.

And when the inevitable happens, he blames her.

If she's stupidgirl, he must be equallystupidboy.

If he's intent on running away, fine, but if he's going to stay, rather than shouting at her, he should be giving her some support.


And now's the time to show if he really is good with money.

That was my first thought aswell, why leave the family finances to someone you know to be silly with money.
Good luck SG you've made a start to getting this sorted.

bitemebankers

stupidgirl5 wrote: »

Hi, I have just told my husband about my massive debts totalling £18k and after exploding, not speaking to me for what feels like an eternity, I think he's going to leave me.

Some excellent advice here regarding the financials but I'm surprised nobody has really touched on the relationship side of things. I'd strongly recommend you get help sooner rather than later. Relate are particularly good.

Also consider making an appointment with your local GP regarding your own emotional state. Being heavily in debt can and does drive people to do stupid things and you don't have to handle this on your own. I know debt can be a terrible worry, but it's never justification for harming yourself.

Hope this helps.

andrea1968_2

Not really got anymore practical advice to add but BIG hugs and I hope that you're both able to get through this.

Eventually your husband will calm down, and like the others have said if you cn show that you've got a plan in place this is better than him thinking you expect him to just deal with it.

It will take him a few days to get his head round it, you've known about this for months so let him sulk or stomp around but show him that you do intend to deal with it.

You'll get loads of support on here, both practical and emotional so keep posting and more importantly keep reading - you aren't the first or the last to do this - and although you'll feel completely alone you really aren't thats why this board is the success story it is.

Good luck

Monkeynut

I know a lot of people have said they have been in your position, but I just wanted to add that I have been on the other side, with my other half telling me of his debts about 18 months ago.
I didn't get quite so angry as it sounds like your husband is, but I was naturally really angry that he hadn't told me, as we had only recently moved in together. But I was more angry about the fact that he had lied to me than that he had got into debt in the first place, as we had sat down and discussed income and outgoings when moving in, only for me to find out his side of that was completely different to what he'd said - which I guess was why he felt he had to tell me at that point.

Anyway, sorry, I digress!!

It did take me a few days to come around to the reality of being in debt, as I had aways been good with money myself, but the main issue for me was the relationship side of it, and the deceit that went along with the actual debt itself. So a long conversation is definitely on the cards.
Debts are much easier to manage than you first think, but with each others support, and with all of the info, resources and support from this site, it's actually fun once you get going!! I love the money saving challenges etc now

Scary as it is, take the bull by the horns, stop hiding, take a deep breath and face things head on.
The worst thing you can do is avoid creditors. Write to them all explaining that you are having financial difficulties, and at the end of the day it is in their best interests to help you, as it will be easier for them to get their money too. Many will accept to freezng interest and charges, and would rather agree to a lowe monthly payment that they know they will get every month, than a higher payment that always gets missed.

Agree with the poster before who said about getting a new basic bank account with no overdraft to be paid into. I would say this is definiely a priority. Also something you can say to your husband you've done so he can see that you are starting to deal with things.

Schwade

If you don't want your husband to get more angry, you need to:

1. admit you stuff up really badly this time (don't just say I have always been crap with money - just dont hang with someone that know how to deal with finances).
2. tell him where most of the money has gone (don't just say I don't know)
3. tell him the truth (no more lies)
4. show him you are making an effort to fix this problem in a proactive way (i.e. show the steps you are doing and currently doing).

He will still be angry with the previous lie but at least he will comforted that you are trying to move yourself away from someone who is irresponsible to someone that is responsible.