unfounded child neglect claim do i have to let social services in

delain

Pixiechic wrote: »

Social Services have had a claim put in regarding child neglect, therefore, they have a duty to investigate. You can either comply and work with them or make it difficult for them.

I can't see how it will help your situation if you refuse to let them in. How 'untidy' is your house? What did they take photos of?

Even though you are in crisis with your depression and may find this hard. Social Services main priority is to ensure the welfare of your children. They might though, with your cooperation, be able to help or support you in some way.

I think all of us are wondering what the police and photos malarkey is all about.

Opinion is unanimous though OP, Let them in. You don't have to, but it will help if you do!

faithcecilia

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Perhaps your husband thought it would give you a nudge to seek help with your depression or prioritise cleaning the house a little more?

I am not in any way having a go at you, but it is very common for people to say 'well, I know I'm not the biggest clean freak in the world' and the house concerned to be immersed in mountains of filth, rather than having a couple of plates in the sink and the windows needing a wash. So it is possible that your house is too unpleasant to continue with it as it is.

It is also very difficult to notice exactly how tidy or presentable the children are when you are struggling emotionally. There are plenty of children at schools that stand out - perhaps they are often late for school, haven't done homework, can't find their reading record books or they have a distinct odour of mustiness that follows them around. Or they mention in school that they don't like their house because they can never find a cereal bowl or their feet stick to the kitchen floor - or that they want to live in so-and-so's house because it's sparkly clean and smells nice and their Mummy doesn't spend all day sleeping when they want to play with her or do their reading homework. This kind of thing raises concerns and can result in a report being made. As can someone collecting their children from school and appearing heavily medicated.


You could continue 'in crisis' and worry and panic about your privacy being invaded - or you could use that anxiety and energy to clean the house inside and out. That way, if someone turns up, you don't have to try and justify the condition of the house, you just shrug, let them in, be polite and communicative and then they go away again.


The alternative is to leave the house as it is, stay in bed all day and get defensive and confrontational when the social workers knock on the door. So you refuse them entry, accuse them of invading your privacy, of violating you and making you ill instead. How do you think that looks to them?

As the daughter of a mentally ill mother, I cannot agree more.

In our case, we did not in any way appear neglected (as far as I know!), we were always impecably turned out, my hair was always neatly brushed and tidy, school uniforms always clean and ironed etc. We were well fed and had enough sleep. What no one outside of the family knew was that I was the one doing the bulk of the cooking/washing/ironing/hairbrushing etc from the age of 8. My dad was working doubletime (as he and my mother worked together running a homeless hostel) to cover for mum being too ill.

Personally, I believe that ss should have been involved with us, and should be involved with every family that has a mentally ill parent - especially when that parent describes herself as being 'in crisis'.

thorsoak

barbieC wrote: »

hi there please help it has been the day from hell i was woken this morning to find my husband had let 4 police into my house they had, had a claim of child endangerment against us which has been ultimatley proved wrong, now i dont claim to be the best housewife in the world my house is somewhat untidy but my kids are clean well fed and happy. My prob is the police took pics of personal stuff in my house i didnt not know wot was going on my husband let them do this when i was asleep he thought it was for the best as i am currently in crisis with my depression.. i feel like i have been violated and they said social services will be in touch to come in the house even though we were proved that we didnt neglect our kids. I dont want them in my house this is causing me such stress and anguish i dont like strange ppl in my house... my house now feels like its no longer my home and my sanctuary can i stop them from coming in?

As horrible as it must have been for you, I would far rather read TEN posts like this, than ONE post where police/social services have ignored reports about possible neglect and one child has suffered.

You can take consolation in the fact that your your home remains a sanctuary for your children - you will feel secure again when you are well.

Blackpool_Saver

I hope the original poster replies and hasn't been scared off

gingin_2

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

I hope the original poster replies and hasn't been scared off

I agree and I hope Barbiec feels she can come back as she has received good, straight to the point advice. None of it seems overly harsh or judgemental.

Becles

I'd let them check up just so they can see that everything is ok and move on.

My boys had a fight a couple of months back. The youngest was winding the eldest up and the eldest snapped and thumped him causing a black eye and minor nose bleed. It was quickly broken up and they both got spoken to and punished - the eldest more severely due to the punching.

The youngest then went into school and told people it was a lot worse - eldest was punching him and kicking him all over until eventually he passed out in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor and apparently I just stood back and let it happen!

The dep head from school rang up and had a long chat with me to find out exactly what did happen and asked did I need any support at home. I was a bit narked at them interfering at first, but once I spoke to her she helped me understand it from their side. If they see a child with injuries in school, they need to check out that the child is not being abused or something untoward is going on at home so they can step in and help if necessary.

Once we'd spoken, she was happy it was just a brotherly fight and it's not been mentioned at school again since.

Oh and the youngest got his punishment extended for exaggerating about what happened!

katerinasol

Hi OP, just wanted to say sorry to hear you are having a difficult time and this is making it worse, but unfortunately sticking your head in the sand and refusing to deal with the problem isn't going to make it go away. I hope you manage to find the strength to do this! Apart from a few snarky people, you have received very good advice in this thread and I hope you do act on this. It can be very difficult to get out of bed in the mornings and nothing gets your back up more than someone implying you are unable to provide a good home for your children, but it could be someone genuinely concerned for their wellbeing and maybe from their side it does look like a bad situation.

Lirin

My school asked my parents to come in for a chat when I was in primary school. They thought it was funny- while completely innocent, they'd been following 'advice' from a specialist who was trying to make my blind eye work. This consisted of taping up my good eye to try to force the blind one to see. The result- continual bruises over my face- kept walking into the piano, door frames, etc....

I am glad though- I would rather that someone noticed and questioned it, rather than leaving be. I have friends who are social workers- it is a difficult job, and judgment calls can be hard to make.

OP, if you're caring for your children, that will show through.

flippin36

Hello OP, I suspect the reason police have come round is because you have previously refused SS entry to your home (is that right?) I think you've been given some sensible advice here (you really need to let them come and visit). Jojo has really given you some excellent advice, take this as an opportunity to prove to them that all is well. Not only would a clean tidy house be beneficial regarding SS it will do your own self esteem good - can someone help you? If you feel you are not well enough to manage, SS may help you - they are there to help, but remember they are paid to be judgemental too. Please keep posting so we know you are alright.

Flyboy152

barbieC wrote: »

hi there please help it has been the day from hell i was woken this morning to find my husband had let 4 police into my house they had, had a claim of child endangerment against us which has been ultimatley proved wrong, now i dont claim to be the best housewife in the world my house is somewhat untidy but my kids are clean well fed and happy. My prob is the police took pics of personal stuff in my house i didnt not know wot was going on my husband let them do this when i was asleep he thought it was for the best as i am currently in crisis with my depression.. i feel like i have been violated and they said social services will be in touch to come in the house even though we were proved that we didnt neglect our kids. I dont want them in my house this is causing me such stress and anguish i dont like strange ppl in my house... my house now feels like its no longer my home and my sanctuary can i stop them from coming in?

The police are not qualified to establish if a child is vulnerable or not. They can only deal with an obvious clear need for protection from risk. For example, if they see you taking drugs, or you are stone drunk.

Social services have to check, that is what they are there for. I am sure that most of us would agree that they would prefer that they check, rather than ignore (that is a general comment and in no way directed at the OP's case).