unfounded child neglect claim do i have to let social services in

pigpen

elvis86 wrote: »

So, having been told by a child that their father had hit them with a spanner (whether he was fibbing or not - they weren't to know), you would have preferred to creche workers to do what, exactly? Mind their own business?

yes.. after I had rang them and let them know what was actually wrong with DS1 after we had been to the docs. So they did know.. we had worked with them a long time and I knew they would be concerned. but as it was 16 years ago I don't think it is worth splitting hairs over now.. and I didn't then

elvis86

delain wrote: »

I'd let them in, as others (notably Pigpen) have said, they'll probably just ask some questions then go away.

I've had involvement with them through silly calls (my neighbour rang them because one of my twins was screaming on the way to school. I had said she couldn't take the argos catalogue in her book bag and me just carrying on as usual and ignoring the tantrum somehow means I can't cope, apparently!) and when DD1 was small my mum rang them say she didn't think there was any food and the baby wasn't being fed (which was absolute tosh, and shows what sort of mum she is really - if I'd been in her shoes and it was my DD and DGD and I'd thought there was no food I'd have gone to tesco and taken them food - even if only baby food for the baby!)

Even when my mum said there was no food the police never came, just a couple of social workers who insisted on looking in the kitchen cupboards (to see there was food!) and living room and DD1's cot (as she was still in my room at that point) and no one took photos of anything.

It's worrying that the police came and took photos, must have been quite an extreme complaint! You will only make things worse by refusing them entry.

Oh and would everyone stop digging at Pigpen? She's being helpful to the OP!

I'm sure Pigpen is being helpful with her account of inerractions with social services, but she also seems to have a quite suspicous/negative view of them which isn't necessarily helpful to the OP who by the sounds of it is already getting herself into a bit of a tizz.

delain, your mum sounds like a right piece of work!:eek: As you've said, any decent mother would've made efforts to find out whether there was a problem herself and taken a little food package round if she thought her daughter was struggling and too proud to ask, calling social services should surely be a last resort when dealing with family (then again, we don't know the full story, as always on here).

Amber07

However mortified I would be if Social Services turned up at the door, I would be more likely to invite them in and prove any malicious lies wrong than try and deny them entry and possibly make the situation worse.

If you think how many children ARE neglected/in danger in this country, surely it would be better to help the SocS by making the checks easier, not wasting their time and then letting them get on to helping a child who is desperate for someone to knock on that door and help them?

pigpen

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm sure Pigpen is being helpful with her account of inerractions with social services, but she also seems to have a quite suspicous/negative view of them which isn't necessarily helpful to the OP who by the sounds of it is already getting herself into a bit of a tizz.

And i wonder how many parents don't!!! They don't exactly do themselves any favours.. as Nicki says of her own sister being judgemental in her role as SW.

delain

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm sure Pigpen is being helpful with her account of inerractions with social services, but she also seems to have a quite suspicous/negative view of them which isn't necessarily helpful to the OP who by the sounds of it is already getting herself into a bit of a tizz.

delain, your mum sounds like a right piece of work!:eek: As you've said, any decent mother would've made efforts to find out whether there was a problem herself and taken a little food package round if she thought her daughter was struggling and too proud to ask, calling social services should surely be a last resort when dealing with family (then again, we don't know the full story, as always on here).

Nope, it was precisley as straightforward as it sounds!

I actually thought it was someone else for ages, even vented at her on the phone at how furious I was at having the humiliation of SS with a food parcel at my door insisting they needed to poke their noses at my home and she never told me it was her till a year later:eek::eek: at which point we stopped speaking for a while after a traumatic conversation.

To be honest, I'm not overly impressed with Social Services myself, and it's best to paint an honest picture.

I actually asked one SW to leave because she I felt she was patronising me, and got a meeting with her and the local childrens services manager and told them both I didn't expect to be spoken to like that again. I am not stupid and will not be talked down to or accept false platitudes from someone who just has no idea at all.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Perhaps your husband thought it would give you a nudge to seek help with your depression or prioritise cleaning the house a little more?

I am not in any way having a go at you, but it is very common for people to say 'well, I know I'm not the biggest clean freak in the world' and the house concerned to be immersed in mountains of filth, rather than having a couple of plates in the sink and the windows needing a wash. So it is possible that your house is too unpleasant to continue with it as it is.

It is also very difficult to notice exactly how tidy or presentable the children are when you are struggling emotionally. There are plenty of children at schools that stand out - perhaps they are often late for school, haven't done homework, can't find their reading record books or they have a distinct odour of mustiness that follows them around. Or they mention in school that they don't like their house because they can never find a cereal bowl or their feet stick to the kitchen floor - or that they want to live in so-and-so's house because it's sparkly clean and smells nice and their Mummy doesn't spend all day sleeping when they want to play with her or do their reading homework. This kind of thing raises concerns and can result in a report being made. As can someone collecting their children from school and appearing heavily medicated.


You could continue 'in crisis' and worry and panic about your privacy being invaded - or you could use that anxiety and energy to clean the house inside and out. That way, if someone turns up, you don't have to try and justify the condition of the house, you just shrug, let them in, be polite and communicative and then they go away again.


The alternative is to leave the house as it is, stay in bed all day and get defensive and confrontational when the social workers knock on the door. So you refuse them entry, accuse them of invading your privacy, of violating you and making you ill instead. How do you think that looks to them?

soupdragon10

Social workers are just people with an official hat on. Some are judgemental, some are helpful most are stressed and overworked and have huge caseloads but they have a job to do.

Let them in to see that there's nothing to worry about, as clearly there isn't or the police would have taken action immediately. If they'd serious concerns they wouldn't be just setting up an appointment for a visit they'd be on the doorstep now.

They can be the avenue to help as support in all sorts of ways, maybe think if there are any areas that they could genuinely help, and if not just wave them on their way.

rachbc

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Perhaps your husband thought it would give you a nudge to seek help with your depression or prioritise cleaning the house a little more?

Perhaps a more useful action a concern husband would be to clean the house...last time i checked men are capable of doing so!

delain

rachbc wrote: »

Perhaps a more useful action a concern husband would be to clean the house...last time i checked men are capable of doing so!

When I was unwell my OH cleaned, didn't need to ask, he knew I couldn't do it, so he did it.

Pixiechic

Social Services have had a claim put in regarding child neglect, therefore, they have a duty to investigate. You can either comply and work with them or make it difficult for them.

I can't see how it will help your situation if you refuse to let them in. How 'untidy' is your house? What did they take photos of?

Even though you are in crisis with your depression and may find this hard. Social Services main priority is to ensure the welfare of your children. They might though, with your cooperation, be able to help or support you in some way.