advice needed please...

catfish50

sminch wrote: »

I am on the birth certificate yeah.
She wants me to go on my own, I really dont think she would cope or that he would hang around for long. this is all one big mess and horrible for the kids.

Yes. It's good that you're down on the birth certificates though. Don't leave them, even though it's horrible. It could be a lot more horrible for them if you move out and he moves in.

Good luck.

catfish50

catfish50 wrote: »

What's the "entitled to" URL needed for? It just transfers you to the real benefits calculator which is at:

http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

Provided and paid for by registered charity Elizabeth Finn Care, so they should get the credit.

Seems to be all the same website. Very confusing! A useful calculator though.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

DO NOT LEAVE!!! tell her if she wants the new fella then move in with him and eave the kids with you

January20

It's been said by others but I too think that you should stay and she should leave. She is the one who his having an affair (whether it's physical or not doesn't matter - emotionally she has betrayed you).

i would also second the idea of writing everything in a diary. You will need at some point to show that you are the main carer for the children, so if you have this info written down rather than try to remember from memory, it will be useful for you. Be systematic about it. Write down everything which could be useful to you later on, like the fact she wanted to bring her new love interest into the family home, etc.

honeyD

Sounds like a similar thing that happened to someone in our family. Together 10 years, 3 kids. She gets a bit on the side, he has no idea and is none the wiser until she stayed out one night without saying anything so he was checking friends/hospital etc to try and find her. Eventually it comes out that shes got another fella on the go. She wants him to leave, he refuses. She says she will leave but only if she can have 1 of the kids, he refuses. In the end she kept seeing the other guy while being in the house so he had enough and told her she had to get out. She left with bit on the side guy, cheated on him with someone else, they split and she is now with the other other bit on the side (are you following? lol) Anyway she very rarely sees the kids now and they are so much better off without her there. She is now pregnant again with new guy. We will see how long it lasts. This is all over an 18 month period aswell, she wanted her life back and this was the way she did it, though now with another on the way... lol.

I say stay, and have her leave. She is the one to break up the family.

busiscoming2

Don't leave without your children. You seem to be the one who cares for them and about them. I know exactly where you are coming from as my ex husband behaved in the same way as your partner. Keep telling her she has to go as she is the one who has decided to move on.

Try your hardest to stop her bringing this bloke into your house and anyway any person with a half decent set of morals wouldn't set foot in your house while it is still your home.

jackieglasgow

catfish50 wrote: »

What's the "entitled to" URL needed for? It just transfers you to the real benefits calculator which is at:

http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

Provided and paid for by registered charity Elizabeth Finn Care, so they should get the credit.

No need to be so pedantic, the page is referred to as "entitled to" on MSE because the name of the page the benefit checker is on is www . turn2us.entitledto.co.uk / benefit checker

go_cat

Play her at her own game ...if she brings him home stay sat in the living room playing gooseberry or get a friend round male or female, it will be hard but i feel she is trying to get a reaction from you.

meritaten

hun, dont leave, those kids sound like they need you! if this was the other way round (husband having an affair and wanting to bring 'friend' home...........I think the advice would be to pack his bags and leave them outside the door, change the locks etc). So, that is what I would advise YOU to do. but please get legal advice first.
This must be heartbreaking to you - I am so sorry its happened to you. but you really do have to put a stop to these mind games she is playing with you!
Take legal advice, or from Citizens advice and stop this situation ASAP! its not healthy for you or the kids!

thorsoak

I agree with Meritaten on this - if you were the mum, you would be told "leave his bags on the doorstep etc etc etc". Well - that is exactly what you should do - if you are the main carer, if you are the one who gets the childen up, puts them to bed, gives them the cuddles when mum isn't therem etc etc etc - then you are the main carer.

Don't leave - but start making preparations for life as a single parent - make sure you have a separate bank accouint - childrens tax credits/allowance etc going there - notify utility companies that you will be taking over bills etc - same with Housing Association.

Don't panic too much about the money - it will sort out - and of course your partner will have to pay maintenance.

Make sure you have possession of birth certificates, passports etc, and STAY PUT!