struggling...seriously considering suicide

joolsybools

Have you told your partner or a friend what you are really like? Maybe you should try to just take out a certain amount of cash each week and leave all debit/credit cards at home when you are out?

It will really help if you can post an SOA so people can give you specific help. http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

It sounds like you are shopping/spending compulsively, I'm sure there will be lots of help out there for you, for example this might give you some insight http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/guide/psycho/f13031-compulsive-spending.html

Good luck and keep coming back to this site

NeverAgain_2

...my partner now knows a bit about it and is understandably furious (he's always left all the money to me as he only ever spends money on alcohol...

Another hopeless male who buries his head in the sand rather than face a problem.

This guy needs to wise up, sharpen up, and start acting like the head of the family, not like a pathetic wannabe victim.

(Posted as a hopeless male who buries..etc.)

ghostmadlittlemiss

summerstreetallotments wrote: »

...Thanks for all your words of help...I am still taking it all in...am terrified of life without a credit card because I have a son and dont want him to go without..also, my partner now knows a bit about it and is understandably furious (he's always left all the money to me as he only ever spends money on alcohol...he's not an alcoholic , but never ever sees the point of spending money on anything else - so I had to take it all on years ago).

Thing is as I'm so depressed I love shopping , it gives me a small burst of happiness, I dont have a job due to the depression...but I know the government is going to stop the benefits and push me into something soon...I'm trying to make an effort to get over it, having the debt adds to my depression I think, but I cant stop spending...always think life will be better if I buy just one more thing...cupboards here are overflowing, have just recently bought 14 beauty gift sets...anyway...thanks....xx

Again, you really need to talk to your GP about your depression. Also, have you tried selling any of the stuff you buy on Ebay afterwards? You might be able to get at least some of the money back from them that way.
Kayleigh

dancingfairy

summerstreetallotments - I too love your username by the way . I'm glad to see you are back here today. As others have said - at the end of the day it's ony money and most of the country is in debt to some extent - even the banks and the government.
I think you really need some proper help with your mental health - are you getting any help from a counsellor or anything as this might really help you. Have you got a Mind or Rethink in your area or anything like that who might be able to help?
Feeling depressed is horrible and I can understand why you feel you need to get out and have some release from it by shopping but in the end it's causing you more unhappiness. I think some other ways to bring you small bits of hapiness here and there would really help. Perhaps you could start a hapiness diary and list things that make you happy and see how you can start to maybe fit them into your day - things like listening to the birds, seeing my son play in the playground, watching my favourite tv programme, gardening, phoning a friend, having a no spend day, cooking a cake, little things that don't have to be expensive but that can give you pleasure.
I am sure that once your mood improves a little you will find the finances easier to tackle. They are completely sortable and as Martin says - he's never seen a debt problem that can't be solved.
Take Care
df

CH27

summerstreetallotments wrote: »

...Thanks for all your words of help...I am still taking it all in...am terrified of life without a credit card because I have a son and dont want him to go without..also, my partner now knows a bit about it and is understandably furious (he's always left all the money to me as he only ever spends money on alcohol...he's not an alcoholic , but never ever sees the point of spending money on anything else - so I had to take it all on years ago).

Thing is as I'm so depressed I love shopping , it gives me a small burst of happiness, I dont have a job due to the depression...but I know the government is going to stop the benefits and push me into something soon...I'm trying to make an effort to get over it, having the debt adds to my depression I think, but I cant stop spending...always think life will be better if I buy just one more thing...cupboards here are overflowing, have just recently bought 14 beauty gift sets...anyway...thanks....xx

It doesn't make you happy! It distracts you.

Mothermercury30

You poor, poor thing- to contemplate that, you must be at your wits' end.

I have been reading these threads for weeks now, and, as someone with fairly big financial debts myself, I know how you feel. Now that DCM has just gone bust with £5000 of my money, I should feel terrible, but something in me is keeping me OK.

MAKE SURE you talk to someone. Speak to the GP in the first instance- what you're talking about is not right- you need help. You've already spoken to CCCS- that's a great start.

Make sure you eat OK, and try a little exercise- it'll keep you buoyant, and if it helps, PM me- I can listen, if nothing else.

Keep in there.

snookey

First of all congratulations for having the guts to admit your struggling. Secondly you must try to put this cost cutting by the goverment to the back of your mind and concentrate on the here and now. Im bi polar and when depressed focus on the negatives making things seem bigger than they are. Remember things like benefit changes take years and in between things change ie goverment. Many people are fighting disabled peoples corners and some changes will be challanged as they go against human rights.
Now with regards to your debts help is out there. As pointed out Martain has published a guide for those in debt with mental health problems and its full of fantastic advice. As are people on here who are very supportive and will help guide you through the maze.
Seek out support from those mentioned ie,Mind, cab.
I dont know if your under psychiatric services but if not your gp needs to see you or refer you on. We cannot deal with depression on our own and suicide is a real threat when under financial pressure. Think aboutyour son and what destruction would be left if you kill yourself .
Money is just that. People cannot take what you dont have.

luckycat99

I'm going to second what everyone else has said. It isn't worth it. I know it must seem like it's the only solution at the moment - but it isn't, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better. I've been through a similar situation to you having to deal with depression etc and pay off huge debts. But I did it - it was hard but it was worth it. Now I am debt-free and am more sensible with money, it has totally changed my attitude to money and debt.

The biggest thing that helped was this website. I've been a lurker for years, not posting very often but obsessively reading and absorbing all the tips from lovely people on this site. The upshot is I started budgetting. That is the first step.

I developed a spreadsheet, so that I could update everytime I paid some of a debt off, even if it was just a pound. I had a countdown so that I could see each week/day/month etc that I was getting closer and closer to my goal - it made me feel like I was in control rather than overwhelmed by debt. I used the Old Style board, which is a source of much ideas and support on how to be thrifty and cook on a shoestring.

So what I want you to do instead of feeling scared and overwhelmed and panicky, is to sit down either with your husband, on your own or with Citizens advice etc, and do a SOA. Then post it on here and all these lovely people will help you to see where you could cut down and give helpful advice. No-one will judge you, as we've all been there before.

That will then lead you to be able to think about how and when you can start paying debts back. The first step might be to sell all those gift sets online!! And you mention about worrying about your son having treats - there are ways of treating him without splashing the cash. Again people on here can give you tips.

Your husband might be cross but you're a team and you can figure this out together. He will calm down.

Again I would recommend that you go to your GP. There is no reason for you to be feeling this down and not get help. It might mean reviewing your medication or getting CBT or other therapy to offer some support or coping strategies to get you through this tough time. It does sound like the spending is part of the bi-polar, so going to the Dr could be half the battle.

Also remember that you are not alone - you have your husband, family, friends, GP, people on here, Samaritans etc who can offer you support and cheer you on as you beat this debt - because you will beat it, and all the lovely people on here will second that, I'm sure.

Please think about all the reasons you have to live for and if you do reach a point where you don't feel you can keep yourself physically safe - speak to your GP, Samaritans, husband or go to the hospital.

You can do this - don't let something as insignificant as money end your life.

Sorry for the long post.

chrisl-1410

hang on in there itll be ok in the end!!!

sickasachip13

Hey summerstreetallotment, hope you're feeling a little better? Let us know how you're getting on.