Teenage son about to throw his future away

make_me_wise

My brother is one of those who things come to easily too. He sailed through school and his A levels then went onto Uni. This is where he began to fall apart. Suddenly it wasn't so easy and he didn't stand out from the crowd. To be fair he chose the wrong course and was way out of his depth.

My dad had to go and collect him after a drunken scuffle got out of hand in the student halls where he was living. I remember one god almighty row between my parents and him. He was refusing to go back and they were furious. Then my dad said fine but if you dont go back to uni, you go out to work. My dad had a friend who was a manager at one of the supermarket chains and pulled a few strings to get him a job shelf stacking. He asked his mate to make sure my bro got all the unsocial shifts etc etc.

Well after 3 months of this my brother saw the light, decided that to get where he wanted to be he would have to stop being such an arrogant lazy individual and assert himself.

He was accepted on a different course at another Uni the following September and has never looked back. It took that dose of the real world to make him do well though

soupdragon10

Has your son seen a careers/Connexions adviser either at college or at a local centre? He could be
1. Fed up with the course
2. Fed up with being in education
3. Depressed about his situation because of 1 or 2
4. Worried that he has chosen the wrong course and doesn't know what to do next.
5. Not coping with the course/workload/fellow students or being bullied

He needs to sit down with someone who is independent and impartial and can give him the information he needs to decide on his next move. Apprenticeships are great, but they are few and far between and can be very competitive to get a place. Suggest he has a look at the National Apprenticeship Service www.apprenticeships.org.uk where he can register and look for vacancies.

Being a teenage jobseeker is very difficult at the moment, with so many qualified and experience staff, employers are hesitant about taking on young people.

Putting pressure on him about the family finances is not fair, and might be counter productive as if he moves out you won't have any money for him anyway.

peachyprice

puddy wrote: »

im amazed at the number of kids these days that dont have saturday and part time jobs. i worked from when i was 13, part time from 15 and half time all through college and uni

I don't think it's as easy nowadays, what with all the 'elf & safety' regulations many employers won't touch them until they are 16.

Of course there are small businesses, but the majority of those jobs go to family and friends children .

My boys are looking at the moment, they've just turned 16 so hopefully when the current lot of students move on to uni/full time work it will free up some vacancies.

Unfortunatley they missed out on the Christmas temp jobs because they were too young, some of the older children in their year were lucky enough to get in and were kept on after. I certainly hope they find something before this December though!

msb5262

gregg1 wrote: »

There is absolutely no way, however difficult things are for you to put the responsibility for helping feeding the family and heating the house onto a 17 year old's shoulders. You are the parents and as such the responsibility for those things lie firmly at your door I am afraid.

The OP isn't suggesting that feeding the family and heating the house should be her son's responsibility, merely that he needs to contribute whether by staying in education (which leads to benefits supporting the family) or by getting a job.

Whilst he is in education I feel it is your responsibility not his.

I'm sure the OP is in total agreement with this - the issue seems to be that her son isn't currently willing to remain in education!

It seems that some posters haven't understood the OP.

MsB

ellay864

Trouble with 17yr old boys is that listening to parents trying to convince them of one thing when they KNOW they're right is less fun than having teeth pulled...and as hard work for the parents! My stepson was brilliant at school, got great GCSE grades and tipped for great things at uni...he was wanting to do law. He started A levels at a 6th form college, and within a month found out that he had to work to get grades and promptly changed courses..which left him behind in his new subjects. He worked hard and got back on track then into his 2nd year decided he had enough and couldn't be bothered to finish. He'd gone off the idea of law by now and said he'd get a job with training to do music technology (he was in a band at this time). My OH and his mum (lad's mum!) both tried to convince him to stay on as he had just over one term left but he had got into such a state and wasn't doing the work that the college 'invited him to leave'. His mum promptly refused to pay for all the things he was used to and he realise pretty quickly that he had to find something quick. He's now working in a well known bookmakers and doing a management training course, earning well and loving life again. It transpired he had seen a counsellor for depression but hadn't talked to anyone about it and in some ways the fact his mum made him face up to his responsibilities did him good.
You can't force a 17yr old to do something they really don't want. You can just provide support if he needs it and boundaries so he realisdes he has a duty to himself and to the people providing him a roof over his head.
Good luck x

swampduck

I work at a sixth form college and we see students drop out all the time but not before the senior tutors have had several one-on-one sessions about poor attendance/no homework done/ not suited to that particular course etc etc We try every avenue possible to see the student achieve something from their time in college.

But at this stage of the year where exams are imminent we would be encouraging them to stay and do their exams so they can at least walk out with an exam qualification even they choose not to continue college after the exams.

I would be inclined to give him options for example:
1) To complete whatever exams he has lined up.
2) He can leave college if the the next step in his career is lined up and ready to go to.
3) Employment/Apprenticeship is in place.
4) Sitting around at home is not an option - whatever your financial cicumstances - he is a young adult and should expect to be treated like an adult. Being an adult means paying your way and making your mark in the big wide world - that means getting a job.

Life is going to be harsh and difficult at times and while you can support his decisions - he should not expect an easy ride. Since when has life been easy on you?


Swampy

mountainofdebt

OP

You have my sympathy.

Junior is doing his A levels and I recently posted how I went to see his 6th form tutor after receiving pretty disappointing results from exams in Jan.

I know the reaction from MSErs I got was mixed but I am so glad I went....Junior knew I meant business and in fairness I think it gave him the kick up the backside he needed. Since then, he's really turned it around and even the 6th form head has told me that the change is noticeable.

Up until the point that I chose to see his teachers, I had always believed what I had been told by him and not once did I suspect there was a problem.

Do what I did - arrange to see his tutors and find out what they perceive to be the problem (in Junior's case I was told that if he was any more laid back he'd be horizontial!)

In fairness I really do think the OP's son does need a dose of reality -does he really expect the OP to carry him if gets kicked out / drops out? Junior has already been told he will be paying a nominal rent whilst he's at home before he starts (hopefully) either his career or goes to Uni next year

mountainofdebt

Oh I meant to add that there is no way that Junior would be allowed to doss in the house all day - he's been told that if he can't get a job next year,he will be doing volunteering !