Teenage son about to throw his future away

Percy1983

By all means it does sound like an apprenticeship is what he needs.

He didn't like school but is now in college which is basically more school. being an apprentice will get him out of school and into work and he will probably gain an advantage over those who stay at college having more real experience.

As for money if he is earning it would be fair for him to pay some keep but overall you shouldn't hold him back due to your current financial position.

Freddie_Snowbits

When I did my degree later in life (37), I was TOLD by a fellow student, it is OK for you Freddie, I have had 18 years of continuous education (3 to 21) and little else. He was thoruughly fed up.

Fortunately, I minded him that he had only 4 months left, so should tough it out. He did. He did not set foot back in college again. Perhaps he needs a Working Break. Eldest nbeice is working part time and college part time, has no student debt, but will be as qualified as a degree student aged 23, with 7 years work experience toi boot.

juno

If your main problem is childcare fees then if he drops out he could look after the younger children for you.

You might not like that suggestion but I'm just trying to say that there are different ways of doing things. It doesn't have to be the routine of "school, college, uni, job". If he wants a different way then you should try to support that.

At this point in the year it would be better if he tried to finish his course - he will only have a few months left, but with Easter hols and exam leave it might not be very long at all.

Derivative

He may just need time to figure things out on his own.

I took an IT qual first year of sixth form and dropped out after realising it was an utter waste of time. Typing up documents in word, excel, etc. A monkey could do the course.

Gave up and worked in retail for roughly a year. That was a kick up the backside enough to get me to go back, enrol again with a better idea of what I wanted. Now a first year degree student.

What my parents or anyone around me said didn't have much impact. It was me going out and having to work for myself (even though I still lived at home) that brought it home - do I really want this job, in this crap town for the rest of my life?

Alison_B

If your son is interested in IT and would like an apprenticeship, get him to take a look at https://www.qa.com. They offer IT apprenticeships. My eldest is on one at the moment, they do part time in the training centre and part time in a work environment. My eldest is flourishing on his apprenticeship. It is due to come to an end in June but hopefully the company will take him on after investing in his training.

pipsta

Tell him, if he quits now every interview he ever goes to they will question why he attended but never got a qualification. I work in IT and it would be the first thing i would ask him in an interview after looking at his CV. And if he says "well i wont put it on my CV" I would ask him what he has done with his time. If he wants to do a programming job, he really needs to go to university as most employers are looking for this, if he was to be an infrastructure engineer, i.e fix computers, networking, servers etc he needs to get himself on Microsoft MCP courses with the aim of gaining an MSCE etc. This is what we look for. Yes college would not be my first thing i look at in an applicant but if they had quit a course it would be a big no no. If he wants to PM me, pass on my details and ill steer him in the right direction depending on what he wants to get into. Plus he can study for MCP's whilst he is at college. Please tell him not to quit, print this off and give to him. If you have any questions please ask.

puddy

im amazed at the number of kids these days that dont have saturday and part time jobs. i worked from when i was 13, part time from 15 and half time all through college and uni

gregg1

Mollycat13 wrote: »

As far as the finances go, unfortunately it is relevant. He is meant to be doing a further two year course starting in September. When he's finished, the girls would be just turned 7 and 4 (due to start school) by this time, my (almost £600 per month) childcare charges would be virtually zero.
Also, if he gets decent qualifications, he would (hopefully) get a good job and would be contributing to the finances. I would have a couple of pay rises too and hopefully my husband would be in a better job.
Finances aren't my only worry in all this but it makes my post fit the 'moneysaving' box. I'm am more worried about him burning bridges and not realising his full potential. I so want him to be the best he can be but he won't listen and I can't get through to him.

I really don't think he's depressed, he's just a quiet lad. I try not to treat him like a child but he seems to lack the resposible thinking. Doesn't seem to realise that he'll be tired if he doesn't get enough sleep etc.

I am actually quite upset at the assumption that I can't manage the family income.

We have NO debt and never have had any.
My husbands job costs almost as much in fuel as he earns and the company don't pay expenses. Care work. He's applying for jobs in care homes which won't cost so much in fuel.
I try my best to shop cheap (Aldi)
I pay all the bills by direct debit.
We have no contract mobiles and I only spend about £10 every three months on PAYG.
We would actually be better off if my husband didn't work but that's not an option.

So, if my son was to walk out of college with few prospects, it would affect my ability to feed us and heat the house etc.

I am just looking for advice on how best to get through to him. Not accusations that it's all about money. It's not!

There is absolutely no way, however difficult things are for you to put the responsibility for helping feeding the family and heating the house onto a 17 year old's shoulders. You are the parents and as such the responsibility for those things lie firmly at your door I am afraid.

Whilst he is in education I feel it is your responsibility not his. My daughter went through the same thing, hating the course she was on and skiving off 6th form. We dealt with it by going to see the Head and going through her other options. She found something else she wanted to do and luckily was allowed to swop courses. could you not try this.

tesuhoha

property.advert wrote: »

Damage already done in reality and he needs to get a grip and you need to stop treating him like a child. "too ill for school" - what sort of cobblers is that ? Now he is a lazy layabout teenager who has not been taught the work ethic.

Kick him out and tell him to get a job, or at least threaten to. We need thousands of sparkies and plumbers. Loads of cash in it too and no student loans to worry about.

I'm afraid its a myth that there's a shortage of plumbers. The building industry has gone through a massive slump in the past couple of years and there are many out of work fully qualified plumbers and electricians that cannot find any work. There is hardly any building going on at all in this country, not compared to what it was like a few years ago. My husband is a plumber, a very good one and he has been laid off three times in the last two years. He gets very angry when he hears people saying there is a shortage of plumbers. There are many people who take plumbing courses who are sadly disappointed when they cannot find work.

My son was like this lad and his father tried to take him to work to train him (this was before the recession) but he would not get up in the mornings. He dropped out of college too. Eventually, I lost my rag at him and told him to leave. The following day I told him I hadn't meant it but he moved out anyway and is living in his friend's flat paying him rent from his JSA. He is now 22 and has never had a job. He has been looking for an admin job for the past 3 years. I don't know what is going to become of him and I worry about him. He is also quiet but cheerful enough.

However, I try now to take a step back and let him get on with it. We tried our best to give him a good upbringing, and a good education and that is all we could do. We cannot do anything more. He is an adult but it is very difficult to watch him throw his life away.

Plans_all_plans

Mollycat13 wrote: »

I've told him that if he quits college, he'll have to get a job and pay his way but I reckon he'll just plod along doing nothing.

First things first: does he have any sort of part time job? How does he pay for his computer games etc? If he has no job, he needs to get one to learn the value of money. My mum used to run me to and from my job (working 2 evenings a week 5-9pm, then all day Saturday) from when I was 16 - 18. For the privilege of getting a lift, she charged me petrol money! I also had a paper round between the ages of 12 - 15, where I got the princely sum of £10 a week for walking 2 miles every morning from 7am!

He will only "plod along doing nothing" if you allow him to!! If I thought my son was heading the way of being a lazy bum, I'd have no hesitation in telling him he could quit college, but if he didn't get a job of some sort within 3 months or whatever, that he'd have to move out and survive on his own. I'd also want him to pay for his keep.

By all means look into him changing courses, but I fear you'll just have the same issues whatever course he does, given what you've said.

You need to get tougher with him and are doing him no favours with the softly softly approach.