Too hard on my teenager (too soft more likely?)

sweetilemon

Fang wrote: »

I think she is at school, not college. Hence the GCSE revision.

Yes but the OP then goes on to say she has a provisional college place but would rather get a job.

Fang_3

sweetilemon wrote: »

Yes but the OP then goes on to say she has a provisional college place but would rather get a job.

Yes? That would happen after she has left school.;)

property.advert

Where is the other parent in all this ?

AWOL ?

themull1

kingfisherblue wrote: »

It doesn't sound as though you expect too much in the house - my two boys are younger (11 and 12) and the older of the two has Down's syndrome and numerous medical problems. I expect them (and their older sister, age 19) to clear the table of their dishes, empty the bins, put out the recycling, tidy up after themselves, put dirty washing in the linen bin and clean washing in their drawers, and change their sheets. My son with DS needs some help with changing his sheets, as he is only little and he is in a cabin bed - his arms are too short

My eleven year old cooks a great shepherd's pie and his full English breakfasts are a treat. He's keen to experiment with more recipes and I'm keen to encourage him, but I am aware of safety issues, so he is well supervised.

If children don't help out around the house, they are ill equipped for life - my ex could barely boil water when we married, because his mum had done everything for him.

My daughter is 19 and still lives at home. In addition to the above jobs, she has to help with cooking and cleaning, put on the washer and dryer, and pay some board. When she goes out, she tells me where she is going (although it might just be 'town - not sure what clubs though'). She has a contract phone (which she pays for) and it has to be charged before she goes out. If she is meeting friends, she texts me when she has met up with them. She does the same when she gets the train to her friend who is at university and goes to stay there.

When she has a night out and is staying at friends afterwards, she texts to say that she has reached their house safely. If she is coming home, she either rings or texts while she is on the bus. If she is in a taxi, she texts the registration number to me before she gets in, and either rings or texts.

Yes, I might be strict, but I am also safety conscious. Maybe that's because I read too many crime novels

I don;t think you sound strict at all, and its a good idea texting the reg number.!!

balletshoes

icelandic_queen wrote: »

This could be my 16 year old!!! ! She is basically a good kid but it takes a load of yelling, cajoling and finally throwing everything in the black bin to get her to lift her stuff!!
Even when she does finally tidy up after her she mutters away under her breath about phoning Childline!!
I just tell her what my mother said to me many a time " If you don't stop gurning, I'll give you something to gurn about"!!

lol my nephew once told his mum (my sister) that she was being too strict and he'd phone Childline about her and get taken into care, to which my sister replied "go ahead but your Playstation stays here with me" :rotfl::rotfl:. He never did make the call!

pigpen

my sister was beastly and was forever ringing childline.. if she lost a game she would ring or had to get a bath... she was always vile.. lol we hated her and wished childline did put her in care lol... she is better now.. and lives in London... we are up north

sweetilemon

Fang wrote: »

Yes? That would happen after she has left school.;)

I didn't ever say otherwise... i was merely giving suggestions for the OP to discuss with their teenager on a subject the OP expressed a concern about.

olibrofiz

Thank you all. I don't feel as much of a dragon as I did yesterday

I think that I will carry on requesting that I know where she is when she goes out, and that I can contact her at any point on her mobile if need be (this is a minor irritation at the mo as she went out to stay at a friends the other weekend and I couldn't get hold of her so didin't know if she was where she said she was, and I couldn't speak to the other parent as their mobile contract had ended :mad::mad:) - it IS common courtesy after all.

I AM hard on her regarding lying, and have caught her out a couple of times so she's pretty honest now to be truthful as I always say 'you don;t know who I know, who knows you, and will report back to me'. And she believes me

I think the 'if you behave like an adult, I'll treat you like one' is a good way to go. And I'm going to go for the give & take angle - if she does nothing for me, I'll do nothing for her.

Thanks for all your thoughts Damn hard having a teenager

Savvy_Sue

barbiedoll wrote: »

I think it's about time that Esther Rantzen set up a "Parentline" so that we could ring up and someone would come and rescue us from our horrible kids!!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Actually, it's worth mentioning Parentline, which won't rescue you but will be a calm and reassuring voice on the other end of the phone! :rotfl: I am assuming they are the charity which used to be called Parentline, but they now seem to be Family Lives!

Flummaxed

Hi Olifrobiz, oh dear I think you are describing MY daughter!! I am going through exactly the same thing with mine, and she's exactly the same age! My advice, for what it's worth, is stick to your guns, and don't let her wear you down. I also have the problem of her not keeping in touch when she is out. Her mobile phone battery 'dies' , or she just doesn't answer my calls or texts when I try to contact her because she hasn't had the courtesy to let me know she's arrived safely, or hasn't come home on time. I hate sitting at home worrying like crazy wondering whether she's safe. I have now started to really stick to my rules and follow through with the consequences, ie grounding her when she has broken the rules about being in touch when out. She hasn't been out for 2 weekends in a row now, and I have had to go through battles with her over it, but I intend to stick to what I believe in, and that is that she MUST be contactable when out.

Mine, also should be revising much harder for GCSEs, but she isn't. She wastes so much time, even if she is grounded, she still isn't doing her revision, and she also does hardly anything around the house. I'm so fed up with it all, BUT I won't give in and let her get away with her lazyness any more. I've had another battle with her tonight, and I'm feeling so down (again!), but I will not be worn down by her antics.

It is taking a long hard road, but I think it will be worth it in the end. We are only trying to do the best because we love our children, and want them to do well, and STAY safe when out, but it is a long hard slog. It is SO frustrating and upsetting and I know what you are going through. We need to stay focused and not give in.

On the whole I do think she is quite a nice girl and isn't as bad as some teenagers of her age group, but she is very lazy and needs a good push in the right direction. It is our job, as loving parents, to ensure that the boundaries and groundrules are kept in place, but they will give it their best shot to wear us down and make us crumble so that they can get away with whatever they like.

Stay strong. You are doing a good job, and at least you know that there are many other parents out here going through exactly the same thing. I'm sure that our children will benefit in the long run and maybe they'll maybe even appreciate all our efforts one day! It does feel like a thankless task at the moment though.

I wish you the very best of luck, and lots of strength to get through these tough times with your DD. x