Too hard on my teenager (too soft more likely?)

pigpen

M 16 year old has exactly the same rule.. and she does cook, wash her siblings, babysit and any other thing I ask of her.. She sounds like she is being a madam..

I'd ask for her friends numbers or addesses so you can ask them yourself! Not that I ever care what other peoples children are allowed to do.. i love my daughter and will look after her and protect her as far as I can.

dd1's friends seem to do as they please and I think it is disgsting.. 1 had a baby at 14, most are constantly drunk and a few are taking drugs too.

nearlyrich

Forgot to say my DD is working and 23, she will always let us know when she is expected to be home, I am not a control freak it's just good manners to let people know you are safe and if you want feeding...

simonjstone_2

best thing i have found is to sit down and work out the rules on paper, both sign it and form a written agreement. then ask her what punsihment she would accept if she breaks part of the agreement and then ask her what she would expect should she contiue to break it. Dont do any more than 5 increaments of punishment, teenagers dont really comprend much more than 5 and will just push untill it bites.

If she starts too small for a punishment tell her you are trying to make it work so what does she think you would think is an acceptable punishment.

Write it down and make a few copies then whenever she pushs he boundires you both know where you stand.

could be an idea to put rewards in too.

sweetilemon

I would have a chat with her, let her know you have her best interests at heart. College is not usually 9-5 mon to fri so she could have scope to get a part time job aswell. The house duties are very reasonable but typical teenage behaviour. You could explain in a calm discussion rather than an argument if she wants to be given more freedom she needs to take on more responcibility.

olibrofiz

Thanks for the replies gotta love ya and leave ya for now, she's back, won't leave me alone and is overly chatty which normally means she know's she's p*££ed me off.

barbiedoll

Oh dear, you sound like my poor mum did, 30 years ago! I remember coming home and finding all of my shoes at the bottom of the garden, because I wouldn't put them away. And my favourite denim jacket ended up in the dustbin for the same reason! :rotfl:

I don't think you're being unreasonable about the staying over at a boy's house though. In any case, why should she expect to be sitting up all night watching DVD's? If she's at school then she needs to sleep, if not, she should be at work or college. Not many of us have the luxury of sleeping in till 2pm on a Monday!

Stop being at her beck and call. If she's hungry, she can feed herself. If she's skint, let her get a part-time job, after all, she's not spending her time on revision. Ditto nearlyrich's advice about bottles/wrappers. My son started leaving rubbish and plates and cups in his room so he wasn't allowed to have food in there until he started to keep it a bit tidier. His mates all know the drill too, I'm a mum, not a servant! When her stuff gets ruined by the dog, don't replace it for her, if she has knickers with teeth holes in them, she will soon learn to put them away.

As for taking off for a bit, you know that you won't do that but there's no harm in having a night off now and again. Maybe you should go out one night when you know she will be coming home, but make sure that you get home really late, don't answer your mobile if she rings and let her see how it feels to worry about someone else for a change. My mum went to stay at my aunt's place one night (with my brother and sister) and when I rolled in drunk at 12.30, there was no-one in the house. I had no idea where they had gone and I was scared to death for a couple of hours before I rang my aunt in desperation. My mum came to the phone and said to me "Now you know what it bloody feels like" and slammed the phone down on me. I have to admit, it did teach me a lesson! :rotfl:

pigpen

LOL.. I've done the shoes down the garden.. in the rain!
I've done piles of folded clean washing to charity shop!

I've gutted DD1's room before when it was left disgusting and she had a mouse! :eek:
I've binned loads and loads of DS's stuff.. it was stinking so went.

jayII

You ask similar things of her that I ask of my teenagers. My daughter is 16 and son 17, both still in education.

I have the same discussions about staying at boys houses and so on, and get the same responses as you at times. I deal with it by standing firm and ignoring the *you're too strict* *everyone else...* comments. I know for a fact that some of her friends' parents are stricter and harder, and some are much more laid back. I'm sort of in the middle, but as far as I am concerned, it doesn't matter, as I am her mum, so she'll follow my rules. End of.

I find that staying firm (and not reacting or shouting) works eventually. She still tries to get round me at times, but on the whole she's learnt that it's pointless, so she doesn't bother. Mine was far more difficult at 11/12/13 than she is now, so we've worn the rough edges off.

Just make your decisions carefully, discuss them with her if she asks in a reasonable way and stay calm at all times. At the end of the day you are the adult and she should follow your rules, which are after all there to keep her safe.
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Mojisola

olibrofiz wrote: »

She's a good kid all in all, but she does NOTHING that I ask yet wants me to be at her beck and call, and I've just had enough.

What do you do or say when she expects you to do something for her?

Owl - I got mad the other week and put all her stuff that was lying around, that I'd asked her for weeks to tidy away, in carrier bags and chucked it on the front lawn.

She came home and picked it up, and hid them in the front room where it festered for days till I got fed up and chucked it out again. She brought it all in and hid it again :mad:

Put it somewhere she can't find it - in the loft, give it to a neighbour to look after, lock it in a cupboard.

Mean what you do and say to her. She knows she can get round you without any comeback and won't change until you do.

Fang_3

sweetilemon wrote: »

I would have a chat with her, let her know you have her best interests at heart. College is not usually 9-5 mon to fri so she could have scope to get a part time job aswell. The house duties are very reasonable but typical teenage behaviour. You could explain in a calm discussion rather than an argument if she wants to be given more freedom she needs to take on more responcibility.

I think she is at school, not college. Hence the GCSE revision.