arguement over a baby monitor

hulagirl79

Mumoftwinsx2 -wow how busy must you be, i am not sure i could cope with one set of twins let alone 2. You must be super organised and have lots of patience. X

onlyroz

Well my own opinion is that in general SIDS is just "one of those things", and as long as you don't smoke over the baby or fall asleep on it then you've just got to take your chances. Thank your friend politely for her advice, but don't be pressured into buying something that you don't think is necessary.

For the record, I never bought any baby monitor of any kind - I relied on common-sense and keeping the sleeping baby within ear-shot.

RedwoodBrook

Grief can be a very powerful thing, but I don't really see that as being a reason to make the comments the OP said her friends made. I agree with the above, SIDS is just 'bad luck' (as are many other things in life). It wouldnt be called SIDS if there was rhyme or reason behind it.

OP, I would suggest you take it with a pinch of salt (or sugar might be more appropriate) and try not to let it worry you. Alternatively you could explain to them that their comment upset you and discuss it. Either way, its a fairly minor thing in the grand scheme of things.

Chin up - worse things happen

Mojisola

hulagirl79 wrote: »

My partners best friends niece died last year of sids (i think thats what you call it ) it was obviously an extremely sad time for them and the family.

Now we have told them we are expecting, they have said congrats etc but the next thing he has said was to buy baby monitor with a mat that goes under the mattress that sets an alarm off if the baby stops moving etc. Now my mum has bought us a brand new monitor, so we dont need another one.

Now i know i can never understand how they feel but i feel to say that was extremely unfair.

Am i being wrong.

Be generous to them. In a very clumsy, thoughtless way, they were trying to prevent you from going through the grief they are suffering. I'm sure it was well-meant.

GobbledyGook

I think they are obviously still at that stage of grief where they have little ability to think about their words before they speak.

They probably wish that they had one of those monitors for their child because they sound like they are still in the "if only we had" stage. If they believe that kind of monitor could have saved their daughter they'll not be able to understand why everyone wouldn't buy one. In time they'll remember that manners mean they are perfectly entitled to think "it's safer so why the heck wouldn't you buy one??", but they should not express it like that.

I had a movement monitor, but it's an entirely personal decision. Some people seem to fine it makes them either paranoid or complacent, it's very much an each to their own thing.

SIDS is one of those things that we can only do what we think is best for our own baby and we just have to leave other people to it, even if we do not agree with what they do.

galvanizersbaby

I brought the Angelcare under mattress monitor when I had DS 8 years ago - it was reassuring for me as a new mum at the time.
Used it for DD also.

It did go off a couple of times for seemingly no reason though :mad:

I am now expecting my 3rd baby and looking at buying a monitor - still undecided - I think as others have mentioned it's only really any good if you would know what to do if your baby stopped breathing.

OP if I were you I wouldn't pay too much attention to the comment - they probably had best intentions and judgement on the matter clouded by grief

GobbledyGook

When people say 'it's only really any good if you would know what to do if baby stopped breathing' - I think all new parents should be shown basic baby CPR in hospital the way the parents of premature babies are.

mum2twinsx2

hulagirl79 wrote: »

Mumoftwinsx2 -wow how busy must you be, i am not sure i could cope with one set of twins let alone 2. You must be super organised and have lots of patience. X

Im the organised queen. Its not too bad I have one set at school fulltime. I got to work for a break:)

Looking back at the first post. Maybe they are just recommending mat, to save you the heartache they recieved as a family. I dont think anything negative was intentionally meant by the comment.

pigpen

3 of mine had apnoea and would randomly stop breathing. I got the angelcare monitor.. it was £50 not over 90 and worth every penny for that extra reassurance... we have never had a false alarm.. and if we did, I'd rather that than a dead baby!

He was trying to protect you from going through what he and his family have been going through for the last year.. all you had to say was thank you for your concern I shall keep it in mind... and move the conversation along.

hulagirl79

I agree there are bigger and more important things going on in the world and in my life, my partner called me this morning to tell me his best friend was organising a night out for his other half and mutual friends and that we would not be invited as In his words " she didnt want our advice, we know more than she does about children so we assume she would not want to socialise with us" my other half was stunned, he was there when i spoke to them and heard everything i said. I didnt say anymore than i wrote on here and think this is unfair. I will give them some distance and hopefully it will all blow over.

Thanks for your advice
x