Can i nominate a next of kin

escortg3

birkee wrote: »

escortg3 wrote: »

I do not feel that i should have to get married just to be able to be his next of kin. I feel like society is always trying to pressurise you to be married.

You can't have it both ways.....The system can only work to specified guidelines. No rules = chaos.

Society is not pressurising you to get married, this is something a couple does because they want to be together. Who cares what society thinks.
Or, if you choose not to get married, then it doesn't matter to the rest of the world, but the system rules come into force.

Since when did marriage equal social pressure?

Marriage is a couples commitment to each other. Sounds like you both treated your first marriages too lightly, ...nobody forced you to marry.

I did not treat my marriage to lightly. thankyou. i was treated like dirt and cheated on.

escortg3

Mojisola wrote: »

Is that just because they don't have any authorisation to stop the father arranging it?

If it says in the will that the executor - presumably you - has full and only rights to arrange the funeral, wouldn't they accept that?

Hope you can get a clear answer.

The funeral director said that they could not stop him as next of kin. I think it is a bad rule. I will look into the whole executor thing and perhaps speak to a solicitor to find out .

Many thanks for the replies. Although people may find it hard to see why i dont get married. This is my choice.

My partner having such a fear of his father getting involved would be the same if i wasnt here. What if he was single. Then he would perhaps want a friend to arrange things for him.

The problem would be still there though he probably wouldnt want to marry his mate. So Marriage isnt necessarily the only answer. Thankyou Tanith for the link to the cards.:)

euronorris

birkee wrote: »

escortg3 wrote: »

I do not feel that i should have to get married just to be able to be his next of kin. I feel like society is always trying to pressurise you to be married.

You can't have it both ways.....The system can only work to specified guidelines. No rules = chaos.

Society is not pressurising you to get married, this is something a couple does because they want to be together. Who cares what society thinks.
Or, if you choose not to get married, then it doesn't matter to the rest of the world, but the system rules come into force.

Since when did marriage equal social pressure?
Marriage is a couples commitment to each other. Sounds like you both treated your first marriages too lightly, ...nobody forced you to marry.

Crikey! Judgmental much?! No idea how you could come to the conclusion that they both treated their first marriages lightly, without knowing ANYTHING about either marriage!

And why can't there be the option of marriage (religious or non religious) AND partnership? Other countries manage it. And it's the 21st century. Plenty of people don't want to get married, but do want to 'formalise' (for want of a better word) their partnership.

I don't see why we can't all nominate our next of kins anyway nowadays. It's not uncommon for people to not want their family involved, or for them to want their partner to be the one deciding. Even someone who is married, may not want their spouse making these decisions (or the spouse may not want to), for whatever reason.

escortg3

euronorris wrote: »

birkee wrote: »

Crikey! Judgmental much?! No idea how you could come to the conclusion that they both treated their first marriages lightly, without knowing ANYTHING about either marriage!

And why can't there be the option of marriage (religious or non religious) AND partnership? Other countries manage it. And it's the 21st century. Plenty of people don't want to get married, but do want to 'formalise' (for want of a better word) their partnership.

I don't see why we can't all nominate our next of kins anyway nowadays. It's not uncommon for people to not want their family involved, or for them to want their partner to be the one deciding. Even someone who is married, may not want their spouse making these decisions (or the spouse may not want to), for whatever reason.

Thankyou so much for this post. I thought i was the only one that thought that way.

I did not think i would get slated for not wanting to get married. Should have known better from some people.
But getting married would not solve the problem for single people out there facing the same problem:T

birkee

escortg3 wrote: »

birkee wrote: »

I did not treat my marriage to lightly. thankyou. i was treated like dirt and cheated on.

I don't think they mean, you should have endured a bad marriage, but that you got married without thinking it through, and getting to know each other better.
You know! A night in the casino in Vegas, and you wake up next morning, married.

euronorris

birkee wrote: »

I don't think they mean, you should have endured a bad marriage, but that you got married without thinking it through, and getting to know each other better.
You know! A night in the casino in Vegas, and you wake up next morning, married.

What do you mean by 'they'. You made that comment/post.

Again, how on earth can you say that they hadn't spent a lot of time getting to know each other? People change over time, and some people hide their true selves, so you can only ever get to know the person that they present to you.

escortg3

birkee wrote: »

I don't think they mean, you should have endured a bad marriage, but that you got married without thinking it through, and getting to know each other better.
You know! A night in the casino in Vegas, and you wake up next morning, married.

Well 15 years together was not a night in a casino. He cheated after we had been together 5 years then became an alcoholic. Stayed for the childrens sake until they was older. My partners wife stole and cheated on him after 9 years together. Sometimes you never really know someone until you are well and truly involved in a marriage.

tattyuk75

escortg3 wrote: »

Well 15 years together was not a night in a casino. He cheated after we had been together 5 years then became an alcoholic. Stayed for the childrens sake until they was older. My partners wife stole and cheated on him after 9 years together. Sometimes you never really know someone until you are well and truly involved in a marriage.

You really shouldn't need to defend yourself to some stranger on the internet making wild assumptions, it's none of their business AND has nothing to do with your original query!!

I am in a similiar situation to you as far as how to protect yourself and how to make sure that the right people are making decisions for you, when the time comes...I would like my partner (together coming up for two years) to make decisions and arrangements should anything happen to me, but it would probably be my father as we are not married, he, on the other hand is still married, although in divorce proceedings...so if anything happened to him, it would be his current wife, followed by his parents...then me last of all as things stand, so I am reading this thread with interest.

RAS

escortg3 wrote: »

My partner has spoke to funeral director and they have told him if his dad came in as next of kin he would be able to arrange funeral and i wouldnt have any say

Well then your OH needs to find a funeral director who will take his instructions while he is alive.

escortg3

RAS wrote: »

Well then your OH needs to find a funeral director who will take his instructions while he is alive.

He can do a funeral plan but you still need someone at the time of your death to arrange, notify and sign necessary paperwork at the time of death. Next of kin can overide what you have chosen anyhow.