I dont know what to do??

Any

somethingsgottogive wrote: »

I'm confused as to why people seem to be implying that the MIL 'went off and bought stuff without bothering checking/consulting...' She, uh, only bought some sandwich stuff, she's not the devil Y'know that whole evil MIL thing's just a stereotype right? All she did was try and help out. My MIL would probably just bring stuff over and say 'if you don't need it for the party, use it for lunches in the week'

Uh, yeah, we do know evil MIL is just a stereotype... My MIL is my best mate and in my mind she would always give me notice ahead... Because why should two people do/buy the same thing and run around to sort out something else in the last minute rather then each do something different...

Then you don't get into situations like these... you see because my MIL would know that jobs would be divided between my best mates and sister and if she wanted to chip in she would check what is the best to chip in with.

And 2 lots of shoppings for sandwiches for 15-20 children (guessing) would not get eaten in our house.. And I hate wasting food.

But that is just my family.. That is why I find it odd.

Saying that it strikes me as less odd then the friend's reaction.. that was seriously odd.

Any

euronorris wrote: »

It is a bit odd of the MIL, but, I know my Mum would also go off and buy stuff, even if I told her there was no need to. But at the same time, she wouldn't be offended if there weren't laid out or eaten, as she knows they'd get eaten another day anyway.

Hmm, I know what you mean, my MIL would probably also bring something.. But from the original post I understood that it is not something, but the whole sandwich supply...
ie significant shopping and significant cost.

If she bought 3 packs of ham and 2 cucumbers my stand would be probably different. More like yours. Maybe I misunderstood.

top_drawer_2

I can't believe how many people have been quite mean (or worse) about the OP's friend, maybe I misunderstood but I think someone even suggested taking advantage of this person. I would also say that she sounds lonely and needy and maybe just wants stuff to keep her occupied, from her perspective you blew her off when when another (better) offer came along. She is a people pleaser and answered as she did because she knew thats what you wanted her to say and then realised that she had gone to all that trouble (for a people pleaser to make a decision, for something which affects someone else is a nightmare) and got upset.

I can say this as a people pleaser myself, currently I have spent the afternoon in bed upset because a group I attended talked about going for a drink for a new members bday as she has only recently moved here. I was keen (but not too keen, Im not daft and know when this has happened) and it seemed fixed as she seemed keen on me too. They agree they would get my number from another group member and text me and we would all meet. I didnt get an invite and I noticed something on fb that implies they did meet up. I suspect another group member has something to do with it but feel powerless to do anything as it could simply be that they didnt meet, and I'm being paranoid or the bday girl didnt want me there afterall. Anyway, its not about me but you have no idea how much this type of thing affects you.

If I were you and valued this friendship, then sit her down and have a chat about how you feel. Dont be angry, its not about who is making the sandwiches or any other specific situation. Tell her how much you value her as a person but that you dont need a slave/servant because you just like having her around for being YOU. Also suggest you will help her with her issues, im not saying be available 24/7 on the phone - thats actually creating dependancy but look at ways she could develop confidence and self-esteem and find friends/acquaintainces. I suggest joining groups and interests/volunteer or part-time work/going to college to do things she's interested in and saying yes to everything (within reason, I'm still recovering from pole dancing 3 months later).

And be clear in boundries, everyone should have some space in their life for someone else who isnt as able in life as themselves, but don't allow it to dominate because thats not good for either of you.

Jen

Buttonmoons

DD's gran regularly brings us food, and doesn't tell us either. On Xmas day, she brought down home made spring rolls and curries, samosas and the likes, plus random salad and fruit. That's weird for Xmas day! But on DD's birthday, she's turned up with platters of food before, just because she wanted too, I'd not get narked at her for it, plus all her home made curries and the likes are fab :drool:

I do think your friend is probably wanting you to grovel/apologise, lets face it, its sandwiches, and its boring and duldrum making them, and cutting them into triangles, total overreaction on her part. I had an attention seeking ex friend just like that

nomuny

I can say this as a people pleaser myself, currently I have spent the afternoon in bed upset because a group I attended talked about going for a drink for a new members bday as she has only recently moved here. I was keen (but not too keen, Im not daft and know when this has happened) and it seemed fixed as she seemed keen on me too. They agree they would get my number from another group member and text me and we would all meet. I didnt get an invite and I noticed something on fb that implies they did meet up. I suspect another group member has something to do with it but feel powerless to do anything as it could simply be that they didnt meet, and I'm being paranoid or the bday girl didnt want me there afterall. Anyway, its not about me but you have no idea how much this type of thing affects you.

totally agree top_drawer - this sort of thing seems to happen to me too makes you feel awful.

euronorris

Any wrote: »

Hmm, I know what you mean, my MIL would probably also bring something.. But from the original post I understood that it is not something, but the whole sandwich supply...
ie significant shopping and significant cost.

If she bought 3 packs of ham and 2 cucumbers my stand would be probably different. More like yours. Maybe I misunderstood.

I think it's all relative to the situation. You mentioned in your house, that that much food wouldn't get eaten. But, any party for one of the kids of my family usually results in all my siblings and their partners being there too, as well as inlaws. I'm one of 5, so there are usually plenty of adults there to help gobble up what the children can't manage, and then the leftovers are usually dished out to whoever wants to take them home.

Plus, both of my brothers, my OH and my sisters OH's seem to be able to put away a LOT of food in one sitting! lol. Leftovers are never usually a problem for us.

But, if the family unit is smaller, I can easily see how that much food would be wasted.