I dont know what to do??

immortalprincess

Hello,

i have a bit of a problem with a friend and I dont know how to address this with her.

Shes a really lovely friend, always there when you need her, but, shes just too in your face. Shes too helpful, there too much IYSWIM.

Im having a get together for my sons birthday this weekend, and she offered to make the sandwiches (we are doing all the catering ourselves to keep the cost down), but, my MIL, has called me to say she has bought some things in for sandwiches, she just needs to get the bread at the weekend. My MIL didnt know my friend was making the sandwiches.
I called my friend to ask if she had bought anything for the sandwiches and she said no, so, I told her MIL had bought stuff in, so she wouldnt need to do it, and she burst into tears and hung up on me!!!
She then sent me a txt message to say that I had let her down, and that she was really angry and I should have told MIL that the sandwiches had already been arranged!!!!!!

All this over fo0d!!!! Its not as if she had bought any of the items, if she had I would have given her the money for them.

I dont know what to do or really what to say to her. Its getting quite bad, I cant tell her where Im going because she automatically invites herself along, its getting to be quite suffocating.

I had originally said to her to come to the party at 7.30. I told her that my mum and dad and my in laws were coming a bit earlier because they wanted to spend a bit of time with their grandson before his friends and rest of the family came over, but, she said "oh well we will come too, to make sure everything is all organised". Although, this may not be a problem now, she might end up not going to the party!!

I dont want to fall out with her at all, as I said she is lovely, but, I really cant take this type of suffocation anymore.

Any advice?

shellsuit

Tell her to get a grip?

immortalprincess

shellsuit wrote: »

Tell her to get a grip?

I know, it really is ridiculous that she is being like this. I was so shocked at the way she reacted to this.

My husband has always said she is a bit of a stalker, and I should watch Single White Female. Dont know what that film is about though!

shellsuit

immortalprincess wrote: »

I know, it really is ridiculous that she is being like this. I was so shocked at the way she reacted to this.

My husband has always said she is a bit of a stalker, and I should watch Single White Female. Dont know what that film is about though!

It's about someone who moves in with a girl (flatshare), starts acting like her, copies her looks, follows her about, even sleeps with her BF!

I had someone like this in my life. She would get upset if I was with anyone else bar her and she would want to know where I was 24/7 and always put herself on me. She'd copy everything I bought, wear the same clothes as me, buy the same clothes for her kids as mine, buy the same presents for them, even book the same holidays once I'd booked. Had to tell her straight in the end that it was way too much for me to cope with.

xangeleyes

To be honest, it sounds as if she's lonely.
I don't mean to sound all Shrink like, but PERHAPS (IMO) she kind of needed something for her to feel involved and wanted, or so that you have her to depend on etc - even if you already get her involved and you need her.

I can understand totally how suffocating this may be.
My advice is to send her a message and tell her that you hope she will be there on the day at 7.30, and then you leave the ball in her court.

You shouldn't feel bad about this, it was her CHOICE to feel angry about it, and it was a bit of an over-reaction on her part.

I hope you get this sorted, but you really do need to nip the clingy part in the butt, because otherwise, one day, you'll snap, and you'll regret that you didn't deal with it better etc.
Either that, or you'll resent her.

Good luck

Rachel xxx

xangeleyes

People will copy others because either they admire them so much and want to be like them, or they'll think that you'd like them more as it would seem that you have so much in common with each other - making sense? lol.

BARGAINHUNTER!

She does sound a bit needy. Is there anything else that she can help with food wise for the party? Maybe text her and say that you didn't realise that your MIL had already brough things for the sandwiches and that she didn't tell you that she was planning on doing them, and as you knew that she hadn't brought the things yet didn't think she would mind. Although perhaps she would like to help out by doing the jelly and icecream for example? Or help with the decorations? That way make her still feel wanted.

There is no easy way of saying this, but I think you are going to have to start distancing yourself from her slowly, by not telling her so much about what you are doing so that she can't just invite herself along. Does she have a happy family life herself? Any other friends? Siblings? It does seem as if she has made you the centre of her world for whatever reason. Have you known her long?

McKneff

I got the impression from your post that you had arranged your friend to make the sandwiches and your MIL said she was going to buy the stuff to make sandwiches with.

S, did your friend presume she was buying the stuff also

And did MIL (apart from buying the stuff) did she presume she was also making the sandwihces.

So best way out.

MIL buys the stuff
Friend makes the sandwiches.

Maybe it is as simple as that she enjoys and needs to be needed.

runnerbean17

Try and not tell her so much information. For example "party starts at 7.30" end of. No need to explain others are going to be there first. Hate to say it but the more you tell her about you and your life, the more you are inviting her in IYKWIM? She maybe doesn't realise the effect she is having on you and maybe has some problems in her own life. Hope that didn't sound too harsh it really wasn't meant too Good luck x

immortalprincess

Thank you all for replying.

My friend was going to buy the stuff for the sandwiches, and then I was going to give her the money back. As friend had said she hadnt bought in anything yet, I didnt think it would be a problem, but, obviously for her it is. I didnt think about getting the items from MIL and giving them to my friend, I dont know why I didnt, and it is the simple answer to the solution.

Ive tired to phone my friend to speak to her, but, she isnt answering. ive sent a text to ask her why she is so mad, and Im not sure what Ive done to offend her.

She has a family of her own, and she seems happy, hasnt said anything otherwise, and TBH if she was unhappy with her family life I think she would tell me, because she has told me other problems she has had.
She doesnt have any other friends, only me. Ive known her for about 12 years, but, only been actually friendly with her for about a year.

If she speaks to me, I will say to her that she can make the sandwiches if its so important to her, because my MIL wont be offended.

Things have been "bubbling" away in the surface with me for a while with the way she has been, and with her now acting like this, its making me a bit more mad, and I am now concerned that im going to say something I later regret. I dont want to hurt her feelings.

Theres also been times when Ive maybe said/txt to her "speak to you later", and if I dont phone her, she will call me and say " you havent contacted me and ive been waiting in all night for you to call"!!!!

BitterAndTwisted

I think you need to take several steps backwards with this friendship. Keep her a bit more at arm's length and then perhaps you'll be able to breathe and she won't be so needy. The sort of reactions you have described from her would concern me and drive me away.